


Best Years of Our Lives

by LMB



Category: Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, College AU, Drug Use, Humor, Multi, Partying, Slow Burn, nobody asked for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-03-10 10:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 40,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13500318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMB/pseuds/LMB
Summary: Felix "Fix-It" McBrayer Jr., a small town boy from the American South, has no idea what to make of the kooky characters at Litwak University. They swear and drink far more than he ever could dare, many have no idea what they want to do while Felix is confident in his Construction and Linguistics studies, and a lot of them don’t seem to care for that mysterious campus groundskeeper, whereas he’s quite interested.How will the next four years play out for this goody-goody?





	1. Year One: Moving In

He'd pictured it to be smaller.

This was the first thought that entered Felix McBrayer's mind as he got out of his blue Cadillac with cow horns and a gold emblem on the front and looked up at the building where he would be spending the next four years of his life. True, he'd been judging from a photograph, but when you came from a relatively-small ranch in an even smaller town, the whole world seemed to shrink down to match that exact size.

He clapped his hands together.

 _Ah, well!_   This way, he was sure to make plenty of friends. The more, the merrier.

"Hi! Welcome to Litwak!" a girl greeted, walking up to him. He smiled. There was one now! "Do you need any help carrying in your belongings?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you," he said, bowing to her politely.

She smiled. "Great! I'll go get some rolling bins from the residence halls, and we can get started."

"No need," Felix said, "I've got some right here." He opened the trunk of his car to reveal everything neatly packed away in little rolling bins.

The girl laughed. "Wow, you're really organized! I guess you've been waiting for this day for a pretty long time, huh?"

"Yes, ma'am, I have!" He beamed. He'd gotten here early enough to check in and unpack and already had promise of making a new friend. Nothing could ruin this start to what he knew was going to be the most perfect day!

Just then, he felt someone bump into him, sending him hurtling toward the ground. 

"Hey, watch it, shortstack!" the blonde woman who had done so snapped, before rushing off, shouting, "Markowski, gimme back my bras this instant, or I swear I'll set fire to your dorm!" Felix got up, rubbing the back of his head.

"Well, now, who was in such a hurry, just then?" 

The girl waved it off. "Oh, that's Calhoun, she's a bitch. Want a cigarette?" She gave him a saccharine smile, holding one out. 

"Oh, no thank you." He smiled, though his brows were furrowed. Well, _that_ took a weird turn.

 _Come on, Felix. Look past it. I'm sure there's something you have in common,_ his ever-optimistic mind encouraged. "So, what are you majoring in?" he asked.

"Hmm...well, at the moment, I'm undecided," she said, frowning in thought. Then her eyes lit up. "But I'm thinking of starting my own business!"

"Is that so? What in?" Felix leaned forward in interest.

"I've got all this pot in my dorm I never use, so I'm going to sell it to all the other needy college students. Aren't I so smart?" She patted her back, answering her own question before Felix could pitch in. "Why, what are you majoring in?"

"Oh!" Felix jumped, heat rising to his cheeks once again at the unexpectancy. "I'm planning to major in Construction Engineering with a minor in Linguistics. I just can't wait to hear what everyone else is studying!"

"Well, good luck with that," the girl laughed. "We don't exactly get types like that around here." 

Sure enough, they talked to at least ten people, and they each relayed some form of these answers:

"Unsure."

"Don't know yet."

"What, are you kidding? I'm _way_ too young to figure that out." This was coming from a senior.

"I don't get it!" Felix carded his hands through his hair. "What is with everybody? It's like all the lifelong dreams and ambition has  _died,_ or something."

"Ha! Welcome to the real world," the girl laughed.

As they continued walking toward the residence hall, the girl pointed out everyone she knew. "That's Daniel, he's gay. At least, we think he is. He's always wearing these designer clothes from Europe and he never checks out any of his various girl friends, so...yeah. Hey, there's Taylor! I can't wait for this weekend, she throws the wildest parties. We're all gonna get _crunk!"_  She paused here and did a little fist-pumping dance before her eyes widened again. "Ooh, that's Jackson! He's a great guy - always up for a threesome. I've slept with him a couple of times."

"I see," Felix smiled nervously. Was he sure he was at the right place?

"Ew, would you get ahold of Tiffany?" She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look in her direction. "That slut thinks she's soooo cool, with her ripped shirts and fishnet stockings. That's why we're all planning to pour itching powder in her drawers - that'll teach her not to dress like a sad goth."

Felix's brows furrowed. "Well, now! That doesn't seem very nice!"

"Aw, relax, cupcake, it's all in good fun!" She swatted the seat of his pants and he jumped and grabbed at it, accidentally holding her hand in the process. She smiled at that. "Hm." 

They reached the dorm with all Felix's belongings after about ten minutes and stood in front of his door. "By the way, totally forgot to ask. What's your name?"

"Felix, ma'am," he said, trying at this point to distance himself with politeness.

She beamed. "I'm Mary Jane. If you ever need someone to hook up with, or any advice on how to get through college, just call me. Hee hee, especially that first option," she giggled, 'booping' Felix's nose with her finger before handing him a piece of notebook paper and skipping off. Jiminy jaminy - he'd been here for not even half an hour and already, somebody was hitting on him! He looked down at the number and obvious heart next to it, shaking his head.

_Sorry, Mary Jane. Maybe not._

He opened the door to his dorm room - _Please let my room mate be nice, oh please_ \- and saw a red-headed kid with an orange sweater sitting on his geometric-patterned bedspread, playing on his game boy. No substances or hostility in sight; here was hoping.

"Hello, there!" Felix greeted, smiling. "You must be my new room mate!"

The kid raised an eyebrow. _"$!$$@" (Sorry?)_

 _"@ &@%!#@$$@$&@$@%@!&&#!$#!$!&@%%@%$!#@&*!@%$!%!#@$$@$@" (Aha, nice try there, neighbor, but I happen to be fluent in Q*bertese!) _Felix smirked, triumphant.

The kid grinned back. _"^@**#!*!$%@!%%$@$$@#" (Well, color me impressed.)_

 _"%@@$^@**" (Me as well.)_ Felix laughed. _" &!^#!#@!!*@@$%!$" (How did you learn it?)_

_"$!%%@$#@%%@$%!$$ &@@$%!*@!$@^@$@^&@$@" (Summer camp at MIT. They spoke it everywhere.)_

Felix's eyes widened. _"! &%!*!##!%&@!!^@%$$!$&@$%$!&$@%$!!" (Oh, no kidding! You went to that program too?)_

The kid nodded. _"@$@^@$@@$%!$!% &@%&!%@@$$&!!*#^&!#&@!!@$@!%$@$!%@" (As every aspiring engineer should! Which you are, I presume?)_

 _"@!!@$@#!$$@#$$!$"_ _(You are correct, sir!)_ Felix laughed. _"!$$@*$!@%@$$!%@* &!@*!&%!%@$!#@#!%@@%!*@&*!$" (It's also a personal goal of mine to become a polyglot.)_

_"^@**^!$ &@*@%&!@&@*!*@!#@$$@$@@!!$@@*$@@#@&@*&^@@$&@$@" (Well, with a language like Q*bertese, you're already halfway there!)_

_"!*%!^$! &&$" (I know, right?)_

They chatted as Felix unpacked, hanging up his garbage-bagged clothes up in the closet and arranging his freshly-washed bedding. Anyone who walked in would be able to tell what Felix's favorite color was, judging by his blue bedspread, blue lamp, and wall tapestry of the sky. Qbert - the shortened nickname the kid Quentin Bertram deemed himself - very wisely told him this. Felix playfully retorted that they were just as likely to know what his favorite arcade game was. They both laughed, knowing each other was right. Both were rather pleased to see they had similar schedules for the rest of orientation day.

They walked down the stairs to their campus tour, laughing and joking around as if they were old pals as opposed to semi-strangers who met just a few hours ago.

"So, how are you liking your new room mates?" the student orientation leader there asked. She listened to the mixed groans and mumbles of indifference in the audience and laughed. "Yes, well, you just never know, do you? Some of you will probably switch out in a few hours," she directed her head at two students who already looked like they wanted to pull each other's hair out, "and some of you may have just met your lifelong friend." 

Felix and Qbert grinned at that, putting an arm around each other's shoulders. The leader laughed, pointing them out. "I see you two have warmed up to each other rather well."

"Couldn't have been more of a perfect match if you tried, ma'am," Felix agreed, and Qbert nodded next to him. Others watched with both admiration and jealousy, muttering "goals" under their breath, before the leader lost interest and clapped her hands together. "Alright! Who's ready for the full campus tour?" Again, the mumbles of indifference, though once again she didn't notice.

The crowd followed her to the library. "They say that knowledge is power, and nothing says both knowledge _and_ power like Litwak University! Our hours are long and generous, so you can be here at 2 AM if you want, just studying. This place will be your best friend when you have to write a research report or study for finals!" 

"Come on, nobody has to stay up _that_ late," Felix laughed, turning to Qbert. When he saw the look on his friend's face, however, his own fell. "Do they?"

But no one answered, for the woman had started walking toward the student center.

"This is where you can rest after getting your brains fried from all that homework." Everyone laughed at the sad truth. "On the top floor, where we are now, there are a few pool and ping-pong tables, and a piano to play, if you've got skills. On the bottom, there's a bunch of couches and vendors, with a giant television for movie night. There's also a fitness center here, too, if you want to get in shape. Be sure to look at some of the activities they offer on the way out!"

Felix read over the paper while everyone else walked past. _Dance,_ huh? He'd always wanted to try that. He wondered if they would accept someone with relatively-low experience. He made a note to himself to sign up for that later.

They toured most of the school up until lunch time, where they stopped at the cafeteria. "I'll bet you're all wishing the tour would end here, so you can eat all of Litwak's wonderful food." Everyone laughed and nodded in agreement. "As you can see by the various cafés and restaurants, we have food from all over the world! We've got vegetarian and vegan options here, and a whole section for gluten-free."

"And if you're lactose intolerant?" Felix asked, raising his hand.

The woman nodded. "Yes, honey, we've got a section for that as well."

"Wow," Felix smiled. Truly, he was impressed.

"Don't worry, we'll come back here after we reach our final destination just outside these doors," the woman said, laughing at all the groans of both people and stomachs. Everyone followed her out to the main campus in front of the school, where some adults were waiting to greet them. "These are some of our staff! Stan Litwak, as you know, is the founder and president of Litwak University. The vice president, Juliette Engels, couldn't make it today, but you'll see her around. This is Gene - he's easy to remember because he's the dean. Gene the Dean! Get it?" She laughed at her own little joke while the mustached man only rolled his eyes. 

The woman continued down the line, introducing all the staff, and Felix was all the happier to walk up to each of them and shake their hands - "Felix McBrayer Jr., ma'am, wonderful to meet you! Felix McBrayer Jr., sir!" - when he noticed someone in the background. He would have missed them if he hadn't looked over Gene's shoulder at the moment they walked past. He could see clearly now: a tall, husky male-looking figure slouching in the background and pushing a lawnmower with little effort.

"Pardon me, ma'am, who's that?" he asked, pointing towards him, getting everyone's heads to turn in that direction.

"Hm? Oh!" She bit her lip. "That's, um...well..."

"Nobody, dearie. He's just the groundskeeper," said Mary, the Culinary Arts specialist.

"Yeah, a defunct one, at that," Gene added, folding his arms. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Hey, what the hell, you idiot? We told you several times you were not supposed to be out here while we were giving the tour!"

The man's eyes widened and Felix could tell by how large and frightened they were that he wasn't really a man at all but a boy, one around his age. He watched with some curiosity as he waved his hands in a frantic apology and ran away, nearly tripping over his bare feet while some of the students watched and laughed. Most interesting of all was how he draped the handle of the lawnmower over his shoulder like a personal handbag. That took quite a bit of strength, even for someone that tall and stockily-built.

"You wouldn't want to meet him anyway," the woman leading the tour told everyone. "He's pretty boring. Trust me, if you were to talk to him, you'd feel ten times smarter than you are now." The students and staff followed after her, some even daring to giggle, but Felix and Qbert stayed back, watching the figure retreat behind a small house.

_"!^!%#@$! &&@$@$$!#@%$&@$@!#@$$" ( I wonder if he's a student here, Qbert.)_

Qbert looked at him. _"@!!$ &!%*$!" (You think so?)_

_"$!%@$ &!%&$@**$%@&@!$" (Something tells me he is.)_

Qbert raised an eyebrow. _"@%# &@&@$$!*!^@!%$&@$$&!%&" (And he has to live in THAT thing?)_

Felix took a closer look at what he was talking about and saw not a small house at all, but a tiny shack with a broken roof covered in mud and vines. His eyes widened momentarily, then narrowed with determination.

" _!#!%$#@$@^ &@$$&@@$@@#@$&@@%#!&$&!$@@@$!%&!!%&$!&!%#!!$^_ _&!$ &@$%@%!$@%#$@**$!&!%" (I don't care what they say. By the end of this year, I'm going to find out who that man is and talk to him.)_

 _"@%#!***!!%@!!" (And I'll join you.)_ Qbert placed a hand on Felix's shoulder, smiling. Felix smiled back.

 _"$ &@%*$&$!@%#" (Thanks, friend.) _He clapped him on the shoulder and they walked back toward the building. " _$!^@%%@ &!!!$&!$%!@!&@@$$&@@$@&!%@%@#@&@$@" (So, wanna go out for pie? I hear they're homemade, here.)_

_"$ &@$$$!&&$$&@#&@$$@!%@$$&@#@$$" (That's right! The cherry one's the best.)_

Felix grinned. _"@$@@!!*!$$$@@!% &$&@$#@#@!$@$&@$$@!!$&@^!$!$@&*@^!$" (Are you just saying that because that's your favorite flavor?)_

 _"^ &@$%!" (What? No.) _Qbert scoffed, and Felix laughed at that. 

_"!**$@**@!!^ &@$^@**$%*!$!$" (I'll tell you what - we'll split it.)_

_"!%!$$$@@**@*!^@@!!$!#@^!**!% &$!#!$&@$" (I must really love you to be willing to do THAT,) _Qbert said. He took in Felix's scowl and giggled, eyes crinkling.  _"!%*!$$*!##!% &$&@$^@$%@%*@%@**@*!%&" (I'm just kidding. That was my plan all along.)_

"Aw," Felix mouthed, momentarily forgetting his Q*bertese in what had to be a tender moment. _"#!%@ &@$@!*!^@@!!$!!" (Come here. I love you too.) _He hooked an arm around his neck and ruffled his hair, laughing. Qbert huffed in mock anger and chased after him, trying to do the same thing, and they laughed all the way to the bakery.

~

That night, after what had been arguably the busiest day in his life, Felix lie in bed on the verge of sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about the food fight that Calhoun girl started at dinner, nor that girl who gave him her number. What a strange place this Litwak University was - it was almost like he didn't belong.

He could hear peaceful snoring in the bed across the room. He smiled at the sound. True, if he had stayed on the ranch, he wouldn't have met Qbert. He wouldn't have the possibility of meeting that interesting groundskeeper. Most importantly, he wouldn't have the education he needed to get a job and make his dreams come true. It was a good thing Felix tended to look on the bright side; otherwise, he might pack his bags and drive back to Georgia tomorrow. Right now, he could only hope to never lose that part of him for the next fours years he was here.

And that he would fall asleep to be well-rested for class the next day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D'aww! I'm feelin' the Felix and Qbert bromance. X3
> 
> Just something I thought of since I'll be attending college myself this fall! ~


	2. Year One: Party Hard

"Relax, shit brain, you're still a virgin. All we did was make out."

Felix paced around his room, chest rising up and down as he abruptly ignored the person speaking from his bed. Jiminy jaminy, how did things get this out of hand?

~

_It had been a few weeks since move-in day at Litwak University, yet already, students were showing signs of work fatigue. Felix would see them in the library at night, panicking and cramming for a presentation or written assignment they had to do the next day. Sometimes he would offer to help them, which definitely caused him to sweep up acquaintances left and right. Other times, he would be busy with his own work. After all, all-honors classes were not something to be taken lightly._

_Then, this Thursday, while Felix was on his way to class, he saw a large crowd in the hallway. Naturally, his curiosity bested him and he walked over to investigate._

_"Hi, everyone! What's going on?" he asked. They towered above him, both because of their intimidating looks and his 4'11" self._

  _"There's gonna be a wild party this weekend at the frat house near the east parking lot," the tallest one said. "Why - are you_ game, _freshman?"_

 _His friend laughed hysterically. "Yeah, yeah, are you_ game?"

_"Shut up," the guy hissed, shoving him aside._

_Felix beamed. "I would love to, gentlemen! What time will it be held?"_

_"'What time?', he says!" the guy roared, and he prompted the others to laugh with him, which they did. "Hey, man, first thing you should know about a college party is that there_ is _no time frame. You just show up and go hard all night!" His friends all agreed, throwing in a "Yeah!" among their applause._

 _"Alright, then," Felix shrugged, dropping the matter for now. "_ _Who's going to be there?"_

 _"What, are you kidding?" the guy laughed. "Man, it's a college party -_ everyone's _gonna be there!"_

_“Everyone?” Felix’s thoughts raced as he ignored the crowd's tearful laughter - "Aw, man, this kid's hilarious!" - and imagined every college student going to one building, including that groundskeeper, who he still hadn’t met yet. The truth was, he didn’t have a lot of time to think about him during these past few weeks, what with settling in and the amount of course work. Maybe he would see him at the party!_

_He tried one last time to make a good impression. "What kind of beverages will you be offering there?"_

_"Duh, whaddaya think?" The guy scoffed, this time more annoyed. "Whatever's in your mommy and daddy's cabinet!"_

_"You don't mean..." Felix trailed off, eyes widening. "But alcohol on campus for students underage is strictly prohibited!" Right away, the crowd's mood dropped and muttered "Boo"s were making their way toward Felix's ears._

_The guy cringed, sucking air through his teeth._ _"Ooh, sorry, man, I don't think this party's for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go talk to someone who_ doesn't _go to bed at seven." The crowd hollered at that, following him as he walked off and jeering phrases like "Ooh!" or "That's gotta burn!"_ _Felix could hardly believe it. They didn't take him seriously at all - it was like they saw him as some sort of coddled, baby-faced Southern peach who didn't know how to have a good time._

 _He huffed at that._ _Well! The first thing everyone should know about Felix McBrayer Jr. is that he can party if he wants to!_

~

_" &@*!^@$@@!!$!$@@#!!$$&!$" (Felix, are you sure about this?)_

_"$!$@!@%!#@$$^@** &@^@@&$@@$$!%@" (Sure I am, Qbert! We'll have a great time,) said Felix, giving him a friendly slap on the arm. "%*!$!$**#@@&$@@$^@@$!%@@$%@^$$!#@%$$" (Plus, it'll be a great way to meet new students!)_

_"^ &@$#@&!*#!%&#@#*$&@!$&@!$@$$&@$&$!^!%" (What, by holding back their hair as they throw up?) Qbert raised an amused eyebrow._

_"@^@!!*%!^^ &@$!%@@%" (Ah, you know what I mean.) Felix waved him off. He knocked on the door of the fraternity building and waited for an answer. A guy wearing a bright green "Sober Monitor" shirt with a keg of beer in his hand opened it._

_"The hell do you want?" he grunted at the minuscule freshmen before him._

_"Hello, kind sir! We've come to attend your little get-together," Felix said, smiling, ignoring Qbert facepalming himself beside him._

_The guy shook his head. "Sorry, losers. This party's for Greek life and associates only." He started to shut the door and_ _Qbert turned to go back, but Felix wasn't having it._

_"Now just you wait a cotton-pickin' minute! *Ahem* Forgive my potty mouth," he coughed, though he got the guy's attention. He frowned and continued, "I'll have you know, I happen to be friends with several of your brothers." He listed them off, one by one. "Now you're gonna let us in, God love you, or I'll tell the others all about what you did!" He held up his pointer finger and tilted his head for emphasis._

_"Oh, no! I can't go back to jail!" the guy panicked. "Go right ahead, brother," he said with a nervous smile, ushering them in._

_"I'll pray for you," was Felix's eloquent reply, and he made sure to hold his head up and close his eyes to keep from laughing._

_"$!^ &@$#!#$&@$&!@#!" (So what did that guy do?) Qbert whispered, raising an eyebrow._

_Felix smiled. "! &@^@%$$&@$*!&&$@$$!#@@" (I haven't the slightest idea.) He winked and Qbert nearly had to swallow his hand to keep from laughing._

_"$%@@*!% &!%$!@%@$$@" (Sneaking into a party,) he mused. "%!$^&@$!@^%@#$@#&$!%@&!@^&!#!*!$#!#@$&!$!^%$!#*$@%#!%#@$^@@$" (Not what I expected from a guy who color codes his own socks and underwear.)_

_But Felix did not reply, for he was already drawn to the party scene. The house was jam-packed with college students reeking of cheap beer and sweat and wearing togas._   _Already, there was a little grinding action in the corner and a girl dancing in the middle of a table, thinking she was the hottest thing since sliced bread._ _The latest hits played in one room and techno music blared from the basement. There was a dance floor too, of course, currently covered in beer pong tables, where the champion stood, stumbling and trash-talking people into playing with him._

_"Wow," he whispered, hands held to his chest in awe. "Our first college party!"_

_"@%#%@*@$$" (And my last,) Qbert said, making to turn away again. Felix frowned and grabbed his arm._

_"! &%!@!!#!%$#!%@@*!%&@!!" (Oh, no you don't. Come along, you!) He dragged him to the refreshment table in the hope of finding them something kid-friendly to drink. _

_"Gee, the options here are rather limited," he said to himself, looking among the mostly alcoholic beverages. Just then, he spotted a fruit punch bowl in the center. "Ah, now that's more like it!" Qbert's eyes widened._

_"%! &@*!^#!%$" (No, Felix, don't!)_

~

_For one minute, total darkness._

_Then, blaring lights and colors as Felix stumbled out of the closet with his shirt unbuttoned and a bandana around his head, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Who's ready to rumble?!"_

_The students cheered, tossing him beaded necklaces. "Thank you! Thank you! You're all invited to my graduation," he slurred, making his way down the stairs. Qbert watched from below, facepalming himself._

_"Felix, you are life of party!" his new friend Zangief called._

_"You rock, man!" Saitine agreed._

_"Aw, thanks, y'all. Next round's on me!" he cried, holding up his fifth cup of fruit punch, and cheers erupted once again. This party was great! The music sounded wonderful, everyone was beautiful, and the conversations were some of the most intelligent he'd ever had._

_"Bet you can't pour whipped cream down your throat faster than me!" the "Sober Monitor" guy from earlier called._

_"You're on, brother!" Felix yelled, and he laughed so hard he snorted. Just then, a "Celebration" remix started playing from one of the loudspeakers. "I love this song!" he cried, running toward the dance floor._

_" &@*!^^@!$#!%@#@#*" (Felix, wait! Come back!) Qbert called, but it was too late. Felix McBrayer Jr. was already in the center of the dance floor, tearing it up. He had plenty of background dancers, of course, including the guy who'd made fun of him on Thursday._

_"Looks like we were wrong about you, freshman!" he called._

_"That's right you were, cupcake!" Felix snapped. At the sound of roaring laughter, he hiccuped, putting an innocent finger to his lip. "Oopsie!" Once the song was over, he stumbled to the living room, hoping to catch up more with his new best friends._

_Just then, he saw someone sitting by the bar. He turned slowly, tripping over his feet as he walked._

_"Hey, cutie," he began, "Now, I've seen plenty of sunsets in my life, but none quite so radiant as your face. I want to touch your...your..."_

~

"Your _what?!"_ Felix yelled back in real time, as the person in his bed helped him recall his memories.

"My _hair,_ genius - the thing that grows out of my head. Take a chill pill." The person sat up from his bed and revealed themselves to be a tall blonde woman.

Felix rubbed his eyes. _"Calhoun?"_

She nodded. "The party moved over to my sorority house and I was already exhausted, so you very nicely offered to let me stay in your dorm. Your friend left earlier this morning to help clean up."

Felix's mouth went dry. "So I didn't...we weren't..."

Calhoun shook her head.

"Oh, thank heavens!" The breath left his lungs and he bent over, trying to get it back. Calhoun laughed.

"I tell you what, shortstack." She sat up. "We're both from the South, and we already know each other pretty well," she grinned at how red Felix's face grew before continuing, "so, whaddaya say you go out with me?"

Felix looked up. "Gosh, really?"

"Nothing serious. Just a drink," she clarified.

He smiled. "That would be great! The thing is, though," he said, scratching his head, "I don't actually drink." 

"No?" Her brow raised.

"I'm not supposed to, I mean. I'm a freshman." He giggled nervously.

"Oh, that don't bother me, pint-size. I'm only a year older." She waved him off. "Anyway, I meant more along the lines of root beer."

"Wonderful!" Felix grinned. He looked out the window at the sun, which lie overhead in the sky. "Say, do you know what time it is?"

Calhoun looked at her watch. "2 PM, sharp."

_"Jiminy jaminy!"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix, you fool, you slept in! Good thing it's the weekend. 
> 
> It's going to be very fun seeing how this impacts him in the next chapter. XD


	3. Year One: New Reputation, New Friends

The next day, Felix was getting ready for his 8 AM Business Math class when his phone buzzed on his bedside table. He picked it up, thinking it would be Calhoun or Qbert or one of his study buddies but was instead flabbergasted to find _over fifty text messages_ telling him how great Saturday's party was. Felix carded a hand through his hair, eyes running across the screen as he frantically identified each speaker.

"'Sorceress', who on earth-?...is that Mario from English Composition...now, who in the land is _'Zangief'?"_ he said to himself. His ears perked up at the sound of someone leaving the bathroom. "Qbert!" He ran over to his roommate, clad in an orange towel after having just showered. _"#!@!!*%!^@%@! &$&@$@%@!%*@" (Do you know any of these people?)_

Qbert placed a hand on his chin in thought. _"@ &@^" (A few,)_ he said, finally, pointing at the screen. " _%@$!!%@#%@%@%#$*!#*#!$%!$$@@**@@%@!%@@*$@ !!^@%$@$!!%##!**@#$!% &@#!%#&!&%@!%*@$%!%#@$$^&!*@@!!^@$@#$!%*" (Mario, Pacman, and Slick, but not really anyone else. You went around collecting a bunch of people's numbers while you were drunk.)_

_"! &#@@$!#!#" (Oh dear, I did?)_

Qbert nodded. _"@ &$@!#$!#!##@" (Afraid so, buddy.)_

 _"Mein Gott,"_ Felix groaned, head in his hands. _" &@$%@%" (German,)_ he explained after to his confused friend. An ability to speak many languages meant words could be provided for almost every emotion. Whenever Felix became impassioned, he spoke in German. This was just one of many examples.

 _"!#@% &@$#*@#*@%@$&@%&!$#@!%&$&!$@^#!$@#!$^@$@#$@^@%@$$@" (I can hardly blame them for being this excited. It was a crazy party.)_ Qbert chuckled. 

"Why is everyone still talking about it, though?" Felix thought aloud, forgetting his Qbertese for a moment. He grabbed his friend's wrist, a determined frown on his face. _"#!%@!%!#@$$^@^@ &!$$@&@$$!$&@#!$$!%!&$&!$" (Come on, Qbert! We've gotta get to the bottom of this.)_

Qbert's face burned. _"@$$#@%! &@$#$@$$@#&!$$$" (Err, can I get dressed first?)_

 _"$! &&$$!$$@" (Right! Sorry,)_ Felix laughed. How careless of him! 

 After the two of them were ready, they walked out of their dorm, towards the main building. All around him, Felix could sense an odd sort of cheerfulness, though he couldn't define it fully. Then he got to class and found he was right.

"Hey, Felix, baby! Great party!" called Link, the champion of Fencing Club, his sparring partner and girlfriend, Zelda, laughing next to him. 

"Those were some swift moves you were pulling on that dance floor!" the track star Sonic agreed, giving him a friendly punch in the shoulder.

"We are definitely inviting you to next week's party!" Peach, the president of the student government, giggled.

 _But why?,_ Felix thought. Why was everybody so glad to see him after he'd made such a fool of himself? And what was so great about their phones that they just couldn't stop staring and smiling?

Just then, President Litwak's voice blared over the intercom system. _"Felix McBrayer, report to my office, please? Felix McBrayer?"_

Felix's face paled at that and he gulped, feeling the eyes of everyone in his Business Math class on him. The guy Felix believed was Zangief put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey. Whatever happens, you are coolest man ever," he said, to the cheering agreement of others around him. 

 _"Spasibo,"_ Felix replied, a sad smile on his face as his sentimental Russian side came out. Then he went on his way.

~

"This is you breakdancing in the middle of the floor and handing out drinks to everyone, I believe?" said Mr. Litwak, a stern expression on his face as he flipped through the pictures on his phone that were posted all over social media. Felix's eyes widened. _Oh my Land!_ He didn't know pictures had been taken!

"Y-yes, sir," he said, looking down. He'd never been in trouble before. It was a feeling so terrible he could cry.

The blonde woman next to him, Vice President Juliette Engels, adjusted her pink spectacles. "We have strict rules at Litwak about alcohol consumption underage. As you are a first-year student, Mr. McBrayer, you should know that an act like this would be reported and the parents called immediately."

 _"Immediately,"_ the president echoed.

Felix sighed. "Yes, sir, ma'am, I know. And if you decide to expel me, I wouldn't blame you."

"What, are you kidding?" President Litwak laughed. "And throw out one of my highest-achieving students? No way! But there will be consequences," he continued, under the raised eyebrow of Vice President Engels. "You will have to write an essay and sit through an alcohol awareness slide show, which I think is pretty dumb, considering you don't look like the type to drink at all - but it is the rules!" he quickly added, seeing the vice president tapping her foot.

"Oh, my! Really, I can't thank you enough," Felix breathed, waving a hand at his face to calm himself. 

"Listen, Felix," the vice president said, letting go of formalities for a moment, "You seem like a nice young man who simply made a mistake. Your future still looks very bright here at Litwak. You'll still be allowed to go to parties. Just...make sure you don't drink the fruit punch." She winked.

"Yeah, and join a dance club," President Litwak added. Vice President Engels nodded, laughing. 

"Yes, sir! Ma'am! I plan to," Felix cried, color renewed in his cheeks. "And you'll have your slide show watched and essay written up in two shakes of a lamb's tail. I promise!" The two laughed, touched by his optimism. 

"One last favor," the president said, as Felix got up. "When you leave, try to look dejected. We have a reputation to uphold, you know." His eyes crinkled.

"Believe me, so have I," Felix laughed, but he did as he was told. On his way out the main office, he saw a girl with jet black hair and numerous barrettes tilting her head and looking at him with an expression of mixed pity and amusement.

"What are you in for, Gladys?" she said.

"Let's just say I partied a bit too hard on Saturday." He smiled, shaking his head. "How about you?"

She shrugged. "I'm here because I murdered a kid on campus." She took one long look at his shocked face before laughing. "Naw, I'm just kidding! I'm new here, so I'm picking up my schedule. I'm a transfer student!"

"Where from?"

"Litwak Elementary." He _thought_ she looked rather young. "Seems my parents thought I was a _genius,_ or something, so they decided I needed a _higher level of education,_ or whatever." She waved her hands emphatically as she said this, rolling her eyes, and Felix couldn't help but giggle. "Name's Vanellope, champ," she said, holding out a hand for him to shake.

"'Vanellope'?" he repeated, taking it.

"Yeah, my parents couldn't decide whether to name me 'Vanessa' or 'Penelope', so I'm _Vanellope!"_ She grinned, jumping off her chair. "Now who the heck are you?"

"Felix McBrayer Jr., ma'am. It's nice to meet you."

"Ah, you don't have to get all formal with me!" She giggled, then stopped suddenly, jerking her head and grunting with her eyes wide open. "Heh, sorry, nervous tic," she said after, waving it off.

Felix smiled. "What class are you headed off to, Vanellope?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I think it might be Government. Yeah, Government!" She yelped, jumping up and down excitedly. "That should be fun."

"That's great, I have that class too! I'll see you there," Felix said, waving.

"So long, Felix!" She grinned, then walked into the president's office, having heard her name being called.

Once Felix got to Government class, he was greeted by all his classmates and asked whether or not he was kicked out. He reassured them that no, he wasn't, he only had a few things to do to make up for his actions. Some reacted with anger and offered to sneak him out of it, but he laughed and told them it wasn't necessary - as long as he was still at this college and not living back on the ranch, then he could take it, he reasoned. Then class began and they no longer had time to chat.

Vanellope walked into the room ten minutes later and Professor Norwood introduced her. Right away, Felix could see she was getting strange looks for being nine or ten years younger than everyone else. Some would even jump whenever her face twitched. Felix supposed he had a new reputation to upkeep now, what with being officially popular. But he wasn't going to let that change who he was. Just as he had the power to command a whole room, he also had the power to use his powers for good. And that, he resolved, was that.

He raised his hand and volunteered to sit next to Vanellope when no one else would. He smiled at her as she cheerfully placed her things on his desk, ignoring the confused or even admiring looks thrown his way. One did not need charity for acts of kindness. 

Professor Norwood continued talking and Felix's eyes drifted toward the window. He would be paying attention, but he heard something. He turned his entire head, goodness forbid he get caught, and - well, bless his heart! His lips parted as his eyes landed on the groundskeeper for the first time in weeks. He looked busy with a pair of hand pruners, cutting designs out of shrubs. It seemed at the moment he was inspired by one of the ducks in the pond, Felix noted with amusement, and he had to admit, even when he was afraid of ducks, its form was  _fantastic._

Then, just as quickly, the kid stiffened and ran away, for Gene the Dean had begun shouting and chasing after him. They ran in a circle on the campus grounds, the taller one clearly winning even when he bumbled over his large bare feet. Finally, he disappeared into his shack and Gene stood in front of the door, yelling and shaking his fist before storming off.

"Look, what you're asking is a trick question! The agencies of our government have no supremacy over one another. Each has independent jurisdiction to implement and enforce the laws within their authority as defined by federal statute, _doy,"_ Vanellope's voice interrupted next to him.

"Yes, well - very good, Miss von Schweetz." Professor Norwood cleared his throat. "Would you mind giving us an example?"

Vanellope began delving into the Internal Revenue Service and the SSA, much to the impression of her peers. Felix knew he ought to be taking notes, but instead he looked toward the shack, seeing if the kid would come back out. After a while, though, it became clear he was keen on staying inside. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo, mystery! X3
> 
> I decided to call Moppet Girl "Juliette" since she looks exactly like this girl at my school with that same name.


	4. Year One: The Groundskeeper

That scene on the campus grounds was enough to not only reignite Felix's interest in the groundskeeper, but to ask anyone and everyone if they knew who he was over the next several months leading up to Christmas. He tried asking his fellow dance club members, his teachers, and even his girlfriend, but only one person seemed to have a clue.

"Who, Ralph?" said Vanellope, as they were walking to Government together.

 _Ralph, so_ that's _his name,_ he thought triumphantly, for some reason feeling a need to write it down.

"Yes, I was kind of wondering what _Ralph's_ deal was," said Felix. How good it felt to give him a name! "He isn't in any classes or activities that I know of, and it doesn't seem like he's old enough to be a teacher. Why, nobody I asked ever seems to want to talk about him! Except you," he realized, laughing.

Vanellope waved it off. "Oh, yeah, I visit him after school all the time. Have been since, like, third grade. We're best pals!"

"Really?" Felix shook his head. "I can't believe I didn't talk to you about this earlier."

Vanellope grinned. "So - would ya like to meet him later?"

"Would I," he laughed, "I've been looking forward to it all semester!"

Before class began and during those free times when they each completed their classwork, Felix would bombard Vanellope with all kinds of questions about Ralph. What he learned so far was that he was neither a student _nor_ a teacher: he was actually a high school graduate taking a gap year to work so he could afford to attend this university someday. He came from a poor background with parents who worked in the town landfill which, coincidentally, was just behind his house. He was kind of a loner, so he considered the rats in the dump to be his friends. He loved animals so much that one time, when an exterminator came to the dump due to complaints, he hid them all in his room along with the other pests the man had been sent to kill in the past. "A real softie in a never-ending search for justice", was how Vanellope put it.

Felix chuckled at the story. He could have asked about him all day, but Vanellope said, "Save some for when you actually meet him, Mr. Eager Beaver!" And so, Felix had to go the rest of that torturous day waiting for classes to end.

"What's got you all excited?" his friend Mario asked during English Composition. "You haven't stopped shaking your leg since class started." 

 _"Non vi piacerebbe sapere?" (Wouldn't you like to know?)_ Felix said in mischievous Italian. Now _there_ was a side hardly anyone saw.

 _"È una ragazza, non è vero?" (It's a girl, isn't it?)_ Mario replied, raising his eyebrows.

"What? No," Felix laughed. "I'm meeting Ralph this afternoon!" He turned away with a smile and Mario tugged at his mustache in confusion.

_"Chi è 'Ralph'?" (Who is 'Ralph?')_

Felix looked down at the rough draft of his essay on alcohol - he'd already finished his rhetorical analysis of William Faulkner's _The Sound and The Fury_ before everyone else - and began to write:

_Some common effects of alcohol overconsumption are pleasure and loss of inhibitions, but also impairment of thinking and physical performance. Long-term effects include diseases and bodily damage, such as liver cirrhosis, brain malfunction, delirium tremens, and death. It makes you act more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!_

He frowned and crossed out that last sentence. The academic world of English was hardly forgiving of Southern jargon, he knew. 

Felix continued to write, perfecting this essay as much as he could to prove he'd truly learned from all his slide show attendances (and my, how invigorating they were!). Though of course, being the social butterfly he was, he couldn't help but overhear a conversation two girls were having. 

"No! You really think Marth's gay?"

"Okay, maybe not _gay,_ per se, but he does have a penchant for cape coats and tights."

"That's just his fencing outfit, though," the other girl said, frowning. "I dunno. I'm not convinced."

"Well, who would you bet your money on?"

"William Moore, easily," she giggled.

"Who, Sour Bill? Yeah, I can see it."

Felix looked in the direction they were pointing at the kid near the front of the room with the shaved head and knitted green button-up vest quietly reading a book then immediately turned away, ashamed of himself. Why, he'd been raised to be better than this! Still, he couldn't help but feel curious about what Ralph's dating life was like, or if he even had a type. Was it normal to be this invested in the life of someone he'd never met?

Well, it was too late to ask himself that _now,_ he realized, as the last bell of the day rang. He met up with Qbert and Vanellope, who were both in Advanced Calculus, and the three of them walked outside. Felix had been an ardent thespian in high school and met new people all the time at his father's carpenter and ranching business, yet he _still_ couldn't help the shaking in his limbs. It increased tenfold when he saw who was dragging a giant Christmas tree through the snow. He stopped long enough to notice something.

"Doesn't he have any shoes?"

"You really don't know anything, do you?" Vanellope sighed. "He's _poor,_ doy, and obviously the school won't pay for it."

Felix watched in awed silence and his heart went out for the guy who was currently setting the tree up in the center of the campus to be decorated and wincing in pain against the bitter cold winds. He didn't even have proper winter clothing, bless his heart! Felix wanted to say something, or even offer his jacket, but he was too shy and Ralph was a staggering height of seven feet, at least. "Oh yeah, and another thing you should probably know about him - he's got a bit of a temper," Vanellope continued. Right after she said this, the tree toppled over. Ralph yelled as soon as it landed, kicking it with his bare feet and beating upon it with his fists.

Felix's brow furrowed. "Oh my. Shouldn't we help him?"

"Nah, he deals with this sorta thing all the time. It's best that we leave him alone to get it all out of his system."

Ralph picked the tree up over his head, still yelling, and slammed it into the ground with such force that all the needles fell off. He gave a nervous giggle and ran away, no doubt to escape the wrath of Gene again. 

 _"#!@!!$ &!%*&@*!&$$" (Do you think he lifts?) _Felix asked, leaning towards Qbert. The other only shrugged.

"C'mon, let's go meet him!" Vanellope said, grabbing her two friends' hands. 

"Gee, I dunno. It might be a bad time," Felix said, remembering how strong and angry Ralph looked. 

"Ah, don't worry about it," she waved him off, laughing. "He cools down really quickly, you'll see." She knocked on the door of the tiny shack and yelled, "Hey stinkbrain, we're here! Time to crawl outta your little hidey-hole!" 

"I'm in the kitchen, princess fartfeathers!" Ralph answered in good humor, sure enough. His voice wasn't as deep or gruff as Felix thought it would be - it had more of a lilting quality to it with enunciation that made him sound like there was caramel stuck in his mouth. Felix remembered taking elocution classes as a child and being scolded for this type of thing, which was why he always spoke his words so clearly and concisely. But of course, not everybody could _afford_ voice lessons. 

"We saw your pathetic little attempt back there," Vanellope said, walking in through the door and giving Ralph a hug.

"Did you really? Ah, geez, that's embarrassing," he said, wrapping his arms around her in return. He pulled back. "That tree was pretty crappy, anyway. I'll chop down a better one tomorrow."

"Hey, you don't have to promise me anything. I'm Jewish, remember?" Vanellope laughed.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's still not fun to decorate. Not that I'd know, I never usually do it," he said, chuckling. He clapped his hands together. "Anyway! Enough with the depressing stuff. Who have you brought over today?"

"Well you already know Qbert..." Vanellope began.

 _"^@!$@!!$^!*%!^@@# &!$&@$$!%#@^&@%" (Wait, you two know each other? Since when?!)_ Felix whisper-hissed to his friend.

Qbert shrugged. _"! &@@@&^@^!$*!!$@$$&@$@%@&@%&@^@#@@%&!$@#!!%*@%!%$&$" (Oh, yeah. We work out at the same gym. Have been for a couple months.) _He and Ralph fist-bumped - "Hey! What's up, man?" - as he spoke.

 _"*!%!%@*@%!%@!#@$$@!!^@$@$!%%!$@#$!$@**%@@^@$@$ &!%&@!!&!!%#!!$@#!!$&!%" (Jiminy jaminy, Qbert, you were supposed to tell me everything you found out about him!)_ Felix groaned, running two exasperated hands down his face.

 _" &@@*!$$#@#@!$@^@$@%@$$!@##!@$%$%@@%!#@%$&@^@$@#$@$$!&%@!^%" (Hey, just because we're married doesn't mean I can't have secrets of my own,) _Qbert teased.

"And this is my other friend Felix!" Vanellope grinned, pointing him out. This was the first time Felix actually looked at Ralph - up until now, he was staring at the ground and anywhere else that wasn't him. He could see he'd changed out of his red uniform into a white t-shirt with one strap overalls. He'd also taken his cap off, revealing a messy head of hair.

"Hi," Felix chuckled nervously, forgetting his formality. Gosh, his father would be so cross with him!

"Hey," Ralph replied, just as shy. He looked away as he spoke. "I think I've seen you on campus a few times. You go to Dance Club, right?"

"Yes, sir, I do," Felix said, face heating up.  _Why was he so nervous?!_ "Gosh knows I've seen you quite a few times as well." 

"Really," Ralph chuckled, "well, that's great, then."

"I'm so glad I finally got the chance to meet you. I've been trying to all semester, but you kept disappearing on me," Felix laughed.

Ralph's eyes crinkled. "Yeah, well, I'm glad to meet you too."

"Okay, so if you two are done flirting, then _can we move on already?"_ Vanellope interrupted, rolling her eyes. 

"Vanellope! Don't be rude," Ralph mock-scolded before turning back to Felix and holding out a hand. "My name's Ralph, Ralph Reilly."

The other smiled and shook it. "Felix McBrayer Jr." 

Ralph returned his smile, revealing a large gap between his teeth, before turning to Vanellope. "Okay, boogerface, now we're done. Happy?"

"Sheesh, that's more like it! I thought the introductions were going to take _forever."_ She stopped rolling her eyes long enough to smile and jump up and down. "C'mon, let's all go hang out in the living room!"

Ralph shook his head and laughed. "Kids." The four of them sat on the couch, which was big enough for at least one more person. Qbert and Vanellope worked on their math homework together, leaving Ralph and Felix to chat among themselves. 

"So, Ralph, how long have you been a groundskeeper?"

"Um," He scratched his chin. "I started a couple of years ago as a part-time gig when we needed the money, and then after graduation it pretty much stuck. Why?"

“I just don't get it, is all. The campus looks downright beautiful and you clearly know what you’re doing. You’d think you’d be more well-respected around here.”

Ralph laughed. "Yeah, well, that’s kinda hard to find when you're gay and poor at the same time." He widened his eyes and waved his hands. “‘Better watch out! He’ll get mud all over your house and sodomize your sons!’.” It was funny, yet there was a hint of sadness in how real it sounded. “My town isn’t very accepting of me.”

Felix thought about earlier this afternoon in class with those two girls and Sour Bill. Everywhere he looked seemed to be a culture of pointing fingers and denial, so much that even _he_ had bought into it for a moment, wondering if such rumors could be true. He looked up, frown tightening.  _Well, no more!_

“I...have a bit of a confession to make.” All three turned to him. “And I never really told anyone this,” he added, clapping his hands together a bit. He cleared his throat. “A lot of people think I’m straight because I have a girlfriend, but...I’m actually bi.”

They stared at him and Felix prayed God for them to say something, _anything,_ before Qbert spoke up:

_"!%*!#*@!#@%$%@@*!#@$$@$@#@#@!$@!$ &@$^!$@!^!!*##@%!$@%@@%&*!$&!$@#!!$@$$@$$!#*@@$%@$!#!@*@%^!@$@" (I'm lucky I speak Qbertese, because otherwise I would be mute. My English is about as terrible as my social anxiety.)_

"I have Tourette's," Vanellope said, grunting and jerking her head, "and sometimes I have seizures, too. My last one was at my old school and I'm afraid of it happening again."

"My," Felix breathed. "It seems all of us need the luck we can get!" 

The four of them laughed. Felix was accepted by plenty, he knew - if he'd told his teachers or dance class members the same news, some of them would hardly bat an eye. Others might spread rumors behind his back or, if they were his parents, most definitely shun him from their household. Others, however, were not even _that_ lucky.

Felix looked at Ralph and saw a grin slowly widening on his face, revealing that curious gap again. He smiled back. If it helped Ralph, Qbert, and Vanellope feel a little less lonely, then Felix would just as gladly be _un_ accepted. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, friendship - it's beautiful, no?


	5. Year One: Helping Vanellope

With having met and gotten to know the mysterious groundskeeper -  er, _Ralph -_ came a creative slump for Felix. He'd been trying to meet him for so long, and now that it was over and done with, he realized he did not know what else there was to look forward to. Even the arrival of the new year had not inspired him. Sure, there was the dance concert he and his friends would be performing in and engineering camp, but that wasn't for several months. There were parties over the weekend, and organizations too, but they were only temporary. Felix needed another goal; another project.

~

On Friday, Felix's World Religions class was discussing the role religion played in Eastern societies. Their focus that day was on Buddhism. The teacher, Miss Nell, told them about how Siddhartha Gautama sat beneath a fig tree long ago and refused to rise until he found the Truth. After forty-nine days of meditating, he found not one, but Four. The power of nature, more than anything, she emphasized, was something almost every religion shared, and one of her inspirations for teaching this class. She encouraged them all to look out the window and see the dynamics of nature, connecting it to the human mind. 

"The Buddhists believed that if you were kind to nature, it would be kind in turn. Now, everyone, I want you to find a part of nature - say, a shrub, or the sky - and pay it a compliment."

Some people muttered under their breath about her being a "tree-hugger", but they did it anyway. 

Felix turned to a flower he found on the windowsill. "Hello there, little flower! You're looking mighty beautiful, today. May the sun shine on your petals and may the rain quench your thirst!" And he swore, he could have seen it straighten up a little. Miss Nell continued talking in the background. 

"The Four Noble Truths which Buddha discovered beneath the sacred fig tree carry the following meanings: suffering, the cause of suffering, the end of suffering, and the path that frees us from suffering."

Felix smiled at the flower, though it melted off when he saw something on the campus grounds. A little girl with a pink dress, a blond boy, and a girl with green highlights in her pig tails were saying something to Vanellope and laughing. Next thing he knew, they pushed her onto the ground and laughed harder. Vanellope was smiling, but he couldn't help but think how much that must have hurt. 

After class, he saw she was still sitting on the ground, seemingly lost in thought. He helped her up.

"Vanellope, are you okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she said, waving it off. "It might seem like they're bullying me, but they're just kidding around. We're cool."

"Alright, then, if you say so," Felix said. He wasn't quite convinced, but he'd drop the matter for now, he supposed. 

"Hey, guess what?" Vanellope said, jumping up in front of him.

He laughed. "What?"

"You know how I'm majoring in Automotive Technology, right?"

"Right."

"Well, I have to wait through two years of boring Gen. Ed. classes to _really_ pursue it, but in the meantime, I've joined the local karting competition along with my friends from elementary school!"

"Oh, Nellie, that's great!" Felix gave her a friendly hug. "I'm real happy for you!"

"Wanna see my kart?" she said, still jumping up and down.

He smiled. "Sure!"

She took his wrist and led the way to the parking lot, chatting the whole time. "I spent a week building it with Ralph. He says it looks like crap, but I think it's _amazing!_ My parents didn't want me to race, 'cause they thought I'd freak out or have a seizure in the middle of it, but ah, you know parents, they worry about _everything - "_ Shetrailed off suddenly, and Felix could see why: for there, right before them, were the broken remains of what was sure to be a promising go-kart. The both of them stood still for a moment until her mind suddenly caught up with her and she gasped, kneeling on the ground to pick up the pieces. 

"Did your friends do this?" Felix whispered before he could stop himself. 

"Yeah, you know, they do have a tendency to pull practical jokes, haha," she laughed, though it was sardonic. "Oh yeah, yep. See? Right here." She picked up pieces signed in spray paint by 'Taffyta, Rancis, & Candlehead', with extra words like 'twitch', 'loser', or simply 'haha', in capital letters. "Hilarious, really."

Felix frowned, hands on his hips. "I'm not so sure they're your friends."

"No, really, I'm telling you, we joke around like this all the time," she said. "It's what friends do, you know? They give you a stupid nickname and pretend to disgustedly avoid you at lunch and wreck go-karts that you spent an entire week building. It's all part of the fun!" She gave him a smile, though he could have sworn it was forced. "Come on, let's go see Ralph!"

And just like that, the two of them were off. 

Ralph was there to greet them at the door. "Oh, hey, I just got back from work," he said, smiling and giving them each a fist bump. "Come on in!"

He guided them to the living room and filled a bowl full of Cheetos. Afterwards, he clapped his hands together. "So, what's up?"

"I got some bad news, Chumbo," Vanellope said, nonchalant. "It seems Taffyta, Rancis, and Candlehead thought it would be funny to destroy our go-kart, which means basically that I can't enter the race and have to wait all the way 'till next year unless they destroy it _again,_ and..." She shook her head and bit her lip hard, but there was no stopping the tears. "Ralphy, why are they so mean to me?"

His eyes widened at her sudden outburst, then narrowed with fierce protectiveness. 

"It's because you're a genius," he said, gently lifting her jaw with his finger. "They're clearly jealous of your amazing brain that allowed you to get out of that place so you could come here and do great things. They also wish their go-karts could look as good as ours...well, before it was wrecked." He stopped talking then and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. She hugged back with twice the strength. 

The words of Miss Nell flooded Felix's mind as he watched in uncharacteristic silence. Vanellope was suffering because of her peers and Ralph was trying to put an end to her suffering by comforting her. But Felix knew there was only one thing that could end her suffering, and he would do whatever it took to go down that path.

He began walking out the door. "Come on, Vanellope. Let's go find your kart."

"But Felix, it's no use! It's broken," she whimpered, voice muffled by Ralph's shirt.

"Don't worry," he said, turning to her. "I can fix it."

~

"Ralph, could you please hand me that wire?" Felix asked from beneath the kart. After several long hours of hammering the pieces to make them look less dented and reassembling the structure, he could now focus on the motor. He could see it was a real beaut, with its burgundy paint, candy-like designs, and a 'Made by Vanellope and Ralph' sign on the side.

The taller man complied, sending it under for him to grab. 

"This is a really great thing you're doing for her," he whispered. "You have no idea how much this means to the both of us. Thank you. Seriously." He touched his foot, which lie outstretched on the ground, for a brief moment before letting go. Felix flushed as he remembered from his World Religions class that this was the Hindu sign of deep respect. He wondered if the act was more than a mere coincidence. 

_"!^@#$!! &&$@!!$!%@#!%%@$&$!%$&@#@&@$@$!@" (I've brought you some dinner from the cafeteria.) _

_"$ &@%*$!#@$$" (Thanks, Qbert!) _Felix grinned, peeking his head out from under the go-kart. _"%%%# &!#*%@@$!!%#@*!#!!!$" (Mmm, chick pea soup. Delicious!)_

_" &!^$!$#!%!%&" (How's it coming?)_

_" &$@@$!^@@*%!$$&!%!$&@#$&@@*@#$$!#%!$!$" (Great! I've almost finished the electric motor.)_

Qbert raised an eyebrow. _"@!!#!$@@*!^@!$$@*%!$$%!#%! &&$$!&&$" (You do realize it's almost midnight, right?)_

Felix nearly sat up. "Oh my Land, is it really?"

"Yeah, and my big race is tomorrow, too," Vanellope added. 

"Oh my Land!" Felix repeated, lying back down on the road. "Y'all are killing me."

The four of them laughed.

~

Felix woke up the next morning and realized with absolute horror that there were purple bags under his eyes and no cream to treat it, but other than that episode, he felt great! Vanellope's kart was fixed and ready for racing, and Ralph was keeping it in his shack, where he knew no one else would dare go. 

"Hey, shortstack! Ready for the big event?" Calhoun said, catching up with him as he walked toward the racing track. 

"Tammy? I didn't know you knew Vanellope," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist. 

"Oh, sure." She ruffled his hair. "We're in Debate Club and Model UN. In a place filled mostly with men, us girls have gotta stick together."

"Yes, you're right about that," Felix laughed. 

She smiled. "See? This is why we work so well together. You always agree that I'm right. Like a lemming on the verge of jumping off a cliff."

He laughed at her obscure metaphor and they sat together on the bleachers. Qbert joined them shortly, followed by Ralph and the little missy herself. 

"Okay, remember - you don't have to win," he reminded her. "All that matters is that you pace yourself and try your best out there."

She grinned. "No offense, Ralph, but that is the shittiest advice ever, and I'm going to win!"

"Hey, watch your language," he scolded, though his eyes were shining. He held out a fist. "Top shelf."

"Top shelf," she echoed, bumping it with hers.

"Go get 'em, tiger," said Calhoun.

"We believe in you," said Felix.

 _"*%!#*@%#@@#" (Knock 'em dead,)_ said Qbert.

"Thanks, guys! You rock!" Vanellope smiled and went to find her go-kart, which was parked nearby. The four of them couldn't help but laugh as they saw her drive it onto the field among the wide-eyed, flabbergasted faces of her so-called 'friends'. Never had revenge felt so...sweet.

 _"Racers, start your engines!"_ the announcer called over the PA system. The roars could be heard from a mile away. _"On your mark...get set...GO!"_

A horn blared, a ref waved a checkered flag, and the race began. 

He could see right away the excitement was getting to Vanellope's nerves, as she twitched multiple times in a row. Felix put his hands together, silently praying for her. _Oh, please, Lord, don't let there be a crash._ After a while, though, he could see she was calming down and speeding up to the point where she passed all the other racers. "Yes!" he cried.

"Woo hoo!" Ralph agreed next to him, and he shot him a grin. 

Vanellope looked to be ahead for most of the race and the crowd was cheering for her until at one point when they went near-silent.

"What's going on?" Felix asked among the sea of disapproving mutters. Then he looked out to the track and noticed some of the other racers had sandwiched Vanellope between them, bumping into her kart like they were at a carnival game.

"This is bullshit!" Ralph called to the ref, face steaming red.

"Why - that is nasty sportsmanship!" Felix agreed, jumping up. "I won't stand for this, no siree, I won't!"

"Save your batteries, pint-size," Calhoun said, pulling him back down. She pointed in Vanellope's direction. "Look."

Sure enough, Vanellope shifted her kart so that it was diagonal and sent one of the other karts spinning backwards.

_"@*$! &&$" (Alright!)_

"Nice one!"

"Way to go, Nellie!"

"Good thinking, kid!" 

Everything that happened in the next instant was a near blur. The crowd watched in awe and disbelief as Vanellope looked at Taffyta, smiled, then pulled a lever that sent clouds of dust flying out as she flew past her and over the finish line. Everyone rushed the field as Vanellope von Schweetz was declared the winner, and some looked quite angry about it. Taffyta and her friends, for instance, were either crying or pitching a hissy fit. A teen in a red and white jumpsuit looked particularly ticked off. He threw his helmet on the ground and stormed off the course. 

And as Vanellope stood on top of the podium and held out her shiny gold trophy with a large grin on her face, Felix knew four truths had been fully realized that day. Or was it five? For along with the Four Noble Truths of suffering came a truth unlike any other:

Victory. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacation's here, at last! :D
> 
> The next few chapters should be fun ~


	6. Year One: Ghosts In The Library, Part 1

_Come on...so close..._

Felix grunted, raising his arm up toward the third-highest shelf in the library which, even when standing on a chair balanced on large textbooks, he still couldn't reach.  _You had to go and inherit the short end of the McBrayer height stick, didn't ya, Felix?_  he lectured in his head. He stood higher on the tips of his toes and was just barely touching the spine when a large hand reached up and grabbed it, passing it to him. 

"At your service, Your Majesty," Ralph grinned.

"Thank you." Felix smiled back.

"'Environmental Science'," he continued, reading the front cover of the book. "I take it you care for our environment?"

"Yes, though mostly I care about passing this test, at the moment." Felix grinned. "Now what are _you_ doing here so late?"

Ralph scratched his head. "Oh, I just like to come here and read when it's dark out and everyone else has gone to bed."

"What do you like to read?" Felix asked, curious.

"Ah, mostly comic books or play scripts, but on occasion some Stephen King, if I'm feeling it."

"Woo, _chilling,"_ Felix said, laughing. "You're a horror fan, huh?"

"Yeah, you know, I live for the thrill," Ralph joked, making him laugh harder. 

 Just then, the lights shorted out and the room went dark. The two of them looked at each other's silhouettes highlighted by the early morning moon for an indefinite amount of time until their mouths wavered and they burst out laughing. "Ah, that's rich," Ralph said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"You know, for a second there, I thought it was really -" Felix began, though his amusement was cut off by the sound of a low, drawn-out  _Oooo_ weaving its way around the library shelves, sending chills up both their spines. It wasn't the fact it might be a ghost that scared them so much as a person already in the process of dying.

"RUN!" they both shouted. They tore past the shelves to the nearest exit, Ralph stumbling into tables and chairs and Felix sliding gracefully past them. Felix realized he'd just yelled in a library, but he didn't have time to be ashamed - it was life or death, after all!

 ~

The next day, as Felix was walking to Business Math class, he heard a conversation circling around the hallway.

"Say, did you hear the library's closed down?"

"Ah, geez, not again! This happens every year."

"Yeah, apparently there's a ton of spilled books all over the floor that have to be cleaned up."

"Y'all know about this phenomenon?" said Felix, causing everyone's heads to turn. 

"Every year, just before spring exams, an anonymous group terrorizes the library and makes a great mess. Everyone suspects there might be ghosts," said Peach.

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Well, has anyone ever looked into it?"

"Ha! Hardly," said Mario. "And I suggest _you_ don't, either, if you want to keep your head attached to your body."

Link and Zelda shivered in agreement.

Some of the bravest people Felix knew wanted nothing to do with this creepiness, yet there was something that drew him to the case. Maybe it was his insatiable curiosity, or maybe it was because he cared so much about the happiness of others he couldn't stand the thought of someone not being able to study for their exams in peace. Trashing the library certainly didn't sit well with his regard for all things clean and organized, either. 

He took out his phone and called the one person he knew he could rely on.

"Yello?" Vanellope's voice answered on the other end of the line. 

"I assume you've heard about-?"

"The library ghosts? Oh, yeah, totally!" He shook his head and smiled. Of  _course_ she knew. Why did he even ask? "I dunno about you, but I kinda wanna check that out."

"Me too. That's why I called," said Felix.

She cheerfully replied, "Glad to see we're on the same page, Fix-It!"

He beamed at the nickname he'd gotten from her as a result of repairing her go-kart (and the go-karts of other kids who asked, as he started a small business shortly after). It stuck so much that some of his other friends started referring to him with the name, including Tammy. _Especially_ Tammy. Ah, how he loved that girl. 

Anyway! He mustn't get too side-tracked, now. 

"Do you think Ralph and Calhoun would be interested?" he asked.

 _"Interested?_ What, are you kidding? They wouldn't miss it for the world!" Vanellope shouted into the phone. Then she realized the full power of her vocal cords and giggled, "Er, sorry."

"That's alright," Felix said, rubbing his ear. "How does midnight sound?"

And here, he semi-regretted asking, for Vanellope shouted, "Great!" 

While Felix checked the insides of his ears to see if they were bleeding, she continued, "Only thing is, the teachers might think we're conspirating something if we just gather in the middle of the hallway, especially considering all our reputations. Plus, not all of us has the same phone, so group chats on Messenger are pretty much out of the question."

Felix nodded. "Alright, then. How should we keep in touch?" _Shut up, mouth, shut up, shut up!_

She did not shout into the phone that time, though he swore he could hear a lightbulb going off in her brain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who are these ghosts? What IS Vanellope's idea?
> 
> Tune in next chapter to find out!


	7. Year One: Ghosts In The Library, Part 2

**You are requesting a chat with:**  Stinkbrain  **and**  Boogerface

Stinkbrain  **and**  Boogerface  **have accepted your offer.**

Stinkbrain, Boogerface  **and**  FixitFelix **are now chatting.**

 

FixItFelix: ...Guys, be serious.

Stinkbrain: We ARE serious, Felix

Boogerface: yeah wise guy that’s why we gave u an equally serious nickname

Toiletbreath: What?

Toiletbreath: Hey!

Toiletbreath: That’s not nice! >:(

Boogerface: no but it’s hella funny

Toiletbreath: Vanellope, watch your language.

Boogerface: u can’t tell me what to do ur not my dad

Stinkbrain: Yeah, _I_ am ;P

Boogerface: never said that either

Stinkbrain: What? After all we’ve been through?

Stinkbrain: R00d

Boogerface: yes yes u r thanks for noticing 

Toiletbreath: GUYS.

Stinkbrain & Boogerface: Sorreeeeee

Toiletbreath: Back to the topic at hand - how are we going to catch this rascal?

Boogerface: we could use an electromagnetic field

Toiletbreath: That's good, but we don't have the necessary equipment.

Stinkbrain: How 'bout a candle and a jar?

Toiletbreath: Better, but in a place full of papers, it'd be too much of a fire hazard.

Boogerface: hey i have an idea how bout U STOP REJECTING OURS

 

Dynamitegal **is requesting a chat with you.**

 **You have accepted**  Dynamitegal **'s offer.**

Stinkbrain, Boogerface, Toiletbreath  **and**  Dynamitegal  **are now chatting.**

 

Dynamitegal: Hey, y'all!

Dynamitegal: What's with the juvenile nicknames?

Toiletbreath: ...Don't ask.

Toiletbreath: Do you, perchance, know how to change it? .///.

Dynamitegal: You're telling me you've had this fancy $1000 cell phone for years and you never bothered to learn its most basic functions?

Boogerface: like how to change ur name back in settings?

Stinkbrain: Yeah wait I thought _everybody_ knew that

Toiletbreath: OH, LET ME LIVE!!

 ~

The four of them ended up showing at the library at midnight without a solid plan, which put Felix on edge. Calhoun, also a stickler for plans, was merely annoyed. Ralph and Vanellope were not affected at all.

Calhoun was the first to try the door. "What in tarnation-? It's locked!" She put her hands on her hips. "Great. _Now_ how are we going to -"

No sooner had she begun saying this than when Ralph shoved the door down with a single blow. 

"I can fix that," Felix piped up, taking out his trusty tool belt.

As he worked on attaching the door back to its hinges, the three of them discussed. 

"So, who's _really_ responsible for all this hubbub?" said Calhoun, curious.

"That's what we're trying to figure out," said Vanellope. "Ralph _could've_ had that chance, but he nearly soiled himself last night, so..."

"I did not! And anyway, it was dark out, I couldn't see anything," Ralph protested among both girls' chuckles.

"Yeah, _sure,"_ said Vanellope. "You know, for all you worship the horror genre, you really don't know much about it. You could've just shone your flashlight in their direction!"

"Well, that would've made 'em more upset!"

"Upset, schmupset. We're trying to catch ghosts, here, not uninvite them to a tea party!"

"Alright, you two, that's enough," said Felix, screwing in the last of the holes. "Come on, let's start walking."

The four of them took in their surroundings, which were mostly dark, save for a few white papers that littered the floor. A cold chill ran through the air, forming goosebumps on all their arms. Felix looked at the top shelves, which were all but empty, and his heart panged with jealousy. My, but how he wished he were that tall!

Then, as he was looking, he felt a warm hand clasp over his mouth and drag him toward the site. He would've screamed, but he didn't have any time before he felt the hand moving to the front of his shirt and lips capturing his own. His head reeled from the stars surrounding it, but he could see it was Calhoun's figure lifting him up and trapping him against the book case. He sighed with relief, gently running his hands through her hair. She pulled back, then, a mischievous smirk upon her lips. 

"You picked a great place to make out, Fix-It," she whispered. Behind her, he could hear the sounds of gagging and an occasional "Gross". She turned her head. "Hey, you got a problem with that, Winklevoss twins?"

"Hm? No!" Ralph and Vanellope pointed at each other, faces like deer caught in the headlights. That is, until they found out they were pointing at each other; then they folded their arms and pouted. Felix couldn't help but laugh at that, taking Calhoun's hand.

Vanellope coughed awkwardly. "So, how  _are_ we gonna explore this library?"

"We'll split up. Felix, Calhoun, you can go together and continue whatever it was you were doing," Ralph said, pausing momentarily to shudder under the sudden death glare Calhoun threw him, "and Vanellope and I will search in that other corner." Then he ran off before his soul could get any more holes burned through it.

Still in a grumpy mood from being interrupted, Calhoun turned to Felix. "Alright, shortstack, romance is over, enough with the googly eyes. You wanna live through this, I suggest you get behind me."

Felix nodded and did as he was told. It was best not to argue at times like these. 

The two of them made their way through the corridor, surroundings growing darker and creepier every second. Felix could have sworn he saw Ralph Waldo Emerson's haunting face glaring at him in effigy. "Ah, come off it, pint-size, it's just a statue," Calhoun said, reading his thoughts. But even cold, hard logic could not comfort him this time.

Off in the distance, he heard the same pitter-patter of footprints from yesterday. When he turned his head to look, though, he found Ralph and Vanellope arguing once again over whether or not to use a flashlight. He smiled, then looked back at the corridor. When he heard that same noise again, however, he found the two of them had disappeared. _Now_ was agood time to be nervous.

"T-Tammy, do you hear something?"

"Shh!" Calhoun held a hand up, scrutinizing the air around her. She'd found something; he could tell by the way she narrowed her big blue eyes and wrinkled her button nose. He'd swoon if he weren't afraid for his life. 

A dark shadow rushed past the both of them and she held her arms in a defensive position. "Who's there? Show yourself!" Her voice shook not with fear, but growling fury. Whoever it was, she was sure to scare them off. It rushed past again and she gave a yell, chasing after it. That's when the whole library went pitch black, and Felix could no longer see a foot in front of him. Not just that, but he was all alone.

"Tammy?" He called. "Tammy, where are you? Come back!"

"Felix! Felix, is that you?" 

"Ralph! It's so dark out," Felix cried, relieved to hear someone familiar. So relieved, in fact, that he wrapped his arms around him in a hug. 

"Uhm, I'm standing right here," said Ralph, from right next to him. A chill ran down Felix's spine.

"Then who am I...?" He didn't finish the rest of his sentence, instead trailing off as his eyes wandered from the figure's chest and petrifying grin to the dark crevices across his cheekbones, seeming to hollow out his blue, almost-white eyes. Felix stood there, unable to react within the presence of the ghost until it leaned down and hissed through its teeth, "Hello, _students."_

The four of them screamed bloody murder, unaware of the lights turning back on in the library for the first time since yesterday. That is, until they were interrupted by friendly laughter.

"My, did I scare you? I did, didn't I? Oh, what fun!"

 _"Clyde?"_ All four spoke at the same time. Nobody in a million years would have expected the New Age Philosophy professor to be the cause of such a disturbance!

"I don't understand. What are you doing here? And your friends?" Felix pointed out, as three other people with red, blue, and pink ties appeared, respectively.

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret," he mused, though with the way he gestured so openly, it was hard to believe he had _any._ "Our Religious and Spiritual Life Center comes here every year to study the relationship between humans and spirituality in a world growing increasingly cynical. The best way to that, we've typically found, is to foster a belief in divine entities, get people talking, you dig?" 

"Wait, so you freak people out as part of some weird experiment?" Vanellope raised an eyebrow. 

"I wouldn't put it in such harsh terms," Clyde laughed, shaking his head. "Anyhow, the staff are well aware of our mission and they approve, however unconventional our methods."

 _"I'll_ say," Ralph scoffed. 

"Ditto," Calhoun agreed.

Clyde ignored them and continued, "We're hoping to write a book on our findings within a few years, if you'd like to read it."

"Why, I'll be the first to buy a copy!" Felix grinned, mostly out of relief Clyde wasn't actually a ghost. Then, remembering something, "I just have one small request."

"I'm all ears."

He scratched the back of his head, bashful. "...Do you think you could limit your studying time to just this week?"

"Oh, my friend," Clyde laughed, "we only use the library for three days and always clean it up after. Not to worry."

"Phew!" Felix smiled. "That's great, thank you."

"Yes, we realize how important it is for students to study for their exams. No matter how much the fundamentals of materialism gets under our skin," he said on a somewhat dark note, the three others quivering beside him in a moment of intensity. Then, with a sickeningly-sweet smile, "Well, now, we'd best be on our way back. Will you join us for some early morning coffee?"

"Oh, no thank you, we have school tomorrow," said Felix.

"Yeah, plus I have work," said Ralph. 

"We're good, thanks," said Vanellope and Calhoun.

"Alright, then. Best of luck with your studies!" Clyde said, waving and grinning as everyone made their way out.

"You as well, on yours!" Felix replied, grinning back. 

Ralph's eyes widened as soon as the door closed. "Wow, what a weirdo."

"Ralph! That's impolite," Felix said, though his wavering mouth betrayed him and he broke into laughter.

~

Meanwhile, back in the library, Clyde and his three friends were packing all their belongings to head to the nearest bakery. Clyde finished earlier than the others and peeped his head out the door for any sign of the four kids.

When he was sure they were gone, he turned back to the book shelves and said, "Okay, everyone, it's safe to come out now."

One by one, the transparent, bluish figures appeared from behind the shelves and under the tables like silhouettes come to life. It was they, not the four professors, who interacted with the other students for three nights every year; the professors merely had the power to conjure them.

What they'd found so far in their studies was that it was not so much seeing ghosts everyone was afraid of, but believing in them. Then if the supernatural was everything on Mother Earth, from the smallest grain of sand to the outskirts of the Milky Way, as the professors so believed, was that to say everyone did not believe in themselves, either? How, then, was human kind to get in touch with their inner powers, to see what the four professors saw on a daily basis, which was the idea not reached by knowledge but by experience: truth? Clyde did so wish he could share these findings with the world, but for now, he would have to be known as the goofy, eccentric professor. 

After all, when you were a spiritual guardian, sometimes playing the fool was your best defense. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They say there's two sides to every coin. ;)
> 
> One more chapter before Year One ends!


	8. Year One: Broken Heart

Felix sat on the front steps of the admissions building just days before summer vacation, unable to believe it. There was no way that was his now-former girlfriend linking arms with Brad Scott, first-place Olympian shooter, practicing doctor, and scientist at the local research facility. Why, he hardly even recognized her. He swore he'd never seen that thin mouth smile so wide before, nor the way she tossed her hair about in such a carefree fashion when she laughed at some comment he made. He didn't understand how any of this could have happened.

~ 

_" &@@!#@$$#!!*#@!!%*@@$@%@$$%@$&@#&!%#@&" (Hey Qbert, could you please pass me the chip bag?)_

_The redhead grinned smugly from his side of the room. "!*%@^!# &@$@!!&!!*@#!%#!!*$@%#&#!$!$!$@^@%$!@**@" (I knew I'd get you hooked on Cool Ranch Doritos eventually.)_

_"^!@ &%!^!@!%$@#%!$$!%&@%@$&!%&" (Woah, now, I ain't admitting _anything!)  _Felix laughed, holding his hands up. "!$$!**$ &!%*$&@@$@#@$$!%@%$@*$!@!!$!^@$@**&@@*$&" (I still think they're detrimental to your overall health.)_

_"! &!!!$@!!$^&!%!%&@%#*!!%$&@#@$*$!#@@*$@@#@" (Oh, quit your whining and join the dark side already.) Qbert rolled his eyes, grinning, and tossed Felix the chip bag just as he finished writing his thank-you letter to the alcohol awareness staff, with whom he had become quite friendly over the course of the year. Thanks to his moment of embarrassment, he became the most outspoken member to the point where he agreed to come back and teach other students about it next fall. _

_Next fall._ Wow.  _Did he mention it was crazy how quickly the school year was coming to an end already? He wondered what the fall would bring, what kind of adventures he would have as a sophomore._

_At that moment, the door flew open without a knock. Felix would recognize that entry anywhere._

_"Hi, Tammy!" he greeted cheerfully, hopping up and kissing her on the cheek._

_"Shortstack," she greeted back, smile looking more forced than usual. He didn't notice at the time._

_Qbert raised an eyebrow. "^@*%$ &@$$%@#!@$!*@@^@" (Welp, that's my cue to leave.)_

_"!*@@!**$@@@!!*@$@$#$!$ &@$" (Okay, I'll see you later, brother!) Felix called after him as he left, well aware of how much Calhoun scared him. _

_He turned back to his girlfriend. "So, Tamora! Now that I'm done with paperwork and cleaning our dorm, would you care to accompany me for dinner tonight at six?" He flashed her his most charming smile, which soon melted off when he realized she wasn't reacting with the same enthusiasm._

_"No, not tonight. I've got shooting practice."_

_"Oh? Well, that's alright. How about a movie tomorrow morning at the library? I hear they're playing Private Benjamin. Your favorite~" he sang. Still nothing. Not even a small upward twitch at the corner of her lips._ _His brows furrowed. "Tammy, what's wrong?"_

 _At last, she sighed with frustration._ _"Look, Fix-It,_ _you're a really nice guy, and I don't_ _wanna hurt you. But we both know I'm no good at sugarcoating anything, so I'm gonna be as blunt as possible." She drew in a breath. "I'm breaking up with you."_

_The words left his mouth before he could even register his own shock: "Is there someone else?"_

_She stood there and looked at him for_ _an infinite amount of time, not because of love but because of the clocks playing a cruel trick, prolonging his suffering as much as possible._

_"Yes."_

_~_

And that was all he chose to remember before he turned away, wiping tears he didn't know were falling from his eyes. When he saw them drying on his fingers, though, he recognized this was real, this was happening.

Tears of one year's love and last week's heartbreak were in his hands.

"You'd better write to me over the summer, stinkbrain."

"Ah, you know I'll always write. Even if my handwriting isn't all that good."

Ralph and Vanellope laughed, with Vanellope situated on his shoulder as he walked toward the admissions building. "Hey, Felix! ...Felix?" Just then, Felix sensed a large body sitting next to him. "Woah, buddy, what happened?" 

"I'm not sure I wanna talk about it," he said, rubbing his eyes. 

"Well, gee, I never thought you the type to be depressed. If I'd known earlier, I would've  _\- oh,"_  Ralph trailed off, most likely having seen Calhoun and Brad in the near distance. Felix felt a large hand settle on his back and a face leaning down to whisper in his ear, "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot."

"Alright, look. You've got exactly three seconds to spill before my hyperactivity symptoms act up and I completely lose interest. It's not personal, it's just fact-o-life. So get talkin'!" said Vanellope. 

Ralph threw her a warning look, though Felix couldn't help but chuckle. Ralph's hand steadily comforted him and he leaned down to whisper again. "So, do you want to? We can just go away if you don't."

"Three and a half!"

"I'd prefer you stay, if it's all the same. Goodness knows I'll have a hard time being alone now, even on my own."

"Seven and three quarters!"

 "Yeah, I get that. ...Just as long as you're comfortable with sharing."

"Of course. Y'all are my friends, plus you were bound to find out anyway."

"Ten and fifteen-sixteenths!"

"That's impossible," Ralph argued, giving her his attention at last.

"Is not! I'm a genius, remember?" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"At everything but social skills," Ralph muttered under his breath.

Vanellope put her hands on her hips. "Alright, Knuckles, you just asked for a knuckle sandwich!" 

"What? Hey, _ow!_ That's not even how you do it!" Ralph whined from beneath her noogieing fist.

"Okay, wise guy, why don't you show me, then?"

He chuckled, placing a hand on his neck. "I would, but I'd knock all your teeth out. Maybe even detach your head from your body."

"Ouch, so violent," Vanellope scoffed in mock-hurt before turning to the guy really hurting. "Alright, Fix-It, let's hear it."

With that, Felix recalled his story from earlier, including the rest.

~

 _Here, anger rose to his voice for a brief moment. "So you_ cheated _on me."_

 _"Oh, keep your panties on, I'm not_ that _low!" Calhoun retorted, rolling her eyes. "Would it make you feel any better if I told you I haven't even asked him out yet?"_

_"Huh?" That caught Felix's attention._

_She sighed. "Look, Brad and I met a couple of weeks ago at the rifle range. We already recognized each other as first-place Olympic shooters on our teams, and I found out we both come from military families and have an affinity for travel, scientific discovery, and champagne. At first I thought we were just gonna be friends, but all these things we had in common became difficult to ignore, and..." she paused and rolled her eyes, "I can't believe I'm going down the cheesy route, but the heart wants what it wants. And right now, mine wants Brad."_

_Felix's head hung. "I...understand."_

_A hand clapped his shoulder. "Don't look so down, soldier. We've had our share of good times. Isn't that what matters?"_

_"I don't know. I just figured we'd always be together," he said, mind flooding with images of them kissing and holding hands and going out for root beer, seeing her start that food fight in the cafeteria, his first time..._

_Laughter filled his ears. "Oh, buddy, there is so much you have to learn." His shoulders slumped even more at that and she pulled him into a hug. "There's nothing to be glum about, I promise. You've always been a perfect gentleman, and your next girlfriend or boyfriend will consider themselves lucky to have you." She kissed him on both cheeks. "I'll always have your back, got it?"_

_The room seemed to close in around him, especially as she left. "Oh...okay..."_

~

"Well, at least she was nice about it," said Ralph. "I would've been a lot more angry with her if she weren't."

"See what I meant by 'never-ending search for justice'?" Vanellope whispered to Felix, echoing her words from the last few months.

"I can't help it!" He threw his hands up. "She is right, you know. Anyone _would_ consider themselves lucky to be with someone so smart and talented and kind and good-looking. I-I just don't see why she didn't!"

Amusement etched itself across Vanellope's face. "Got something you wanna tell us, Ralphy?"

His face burned. "Shut up, it's the truth."

Felix, meanwhile, had what he called a case of the honey glows, his heart pounding in his ears. "Gosh, Ralph. You really mean it?"

Ralph didn't answer, as he was busy glaring at Vanellope, but he nodded.

"I knew it!" Vanellope cried, jumping up. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Ralph protested, ears flaming red. "What are you talking about?!"

Vanellope was just about to elaborate when Qbert walked up to the admissions building. 

 _" &@@!&@@$#@#!!$^&@$&@%%@%@#" (Hey, I heard about what happened,)_ he said, greeting Felix with a hug. _"@!!!*@@" (You okay?)_

"Oh, I'm faring a lot better now," Felix said. "Especially with y'all here to comfort me."

"Among other things," Vanellope giggled, jabbing Ralph's ribs with her elbow.

"Can somebody _please_ explain what she's on about?!" Ralph cried, face tomato red.

Felix grinned, wrapping his arms around all their shoulders. Whatever the new year brought, whoever he next fell for and lost, he knew at least these bunches of misfits would be there for him. 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, on to Year Two!
> 
> Also, has anyone seen the official teaser trailer for WIR 2 yet? :D


	9. Year Two: The Good News

After several months of exchanging letters with his college friends, going out with his local ones, and working for his father on the ranch, Felix found himself pulling into the school parking lot in his blue Cadillac once again. And once again, he still could not believe how large his school was, almost like he'd forgotten all about it as soon as he crossed the border to his small town. 

 _And_ once again, he found that strange Mary Jane girl waiting for him. 

"Hi there! I saw your dance concert back in May. That was really good!"

'Well, thank you!" he said, polite smile on his face, though he was waiting for the catch...

"Except the part where I almost got arrested by my old history teacher for smoking in the auditorium. Don't worry, though, I slept with him so he wouldn't." _Aaaand_ there it was. "Need any help?"

"Oh, no thank you, I have-"

"Sure you do!" She swatted the seat of his pants and he jumped, giving a short yelp. Then she grabbed his belongings from the trunk. "I'll not only carry these in - I'll also let you hook  up with me for _free._ Pretty good deal, huh?" She winked and started walking inside. 

Felix chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Here we go again," he sighed.

He was just about to follow her when he heard someone calling, "Hey, Fix-It, over here!" He turned his head to see Vanellope waving at him. He grinned and ran to her.

"Nellie, I'm so glad to see you!" He wrapped her in a friendly hug. "How was your summer?"

"Ah, well, you know, _my parents._ They're all, 'Vanellope, don't do this, don't do that, calm down before you have a seizure', ya blah blah. But other than that, it was great!" she finished, jerking her head and grinning back at him. 

"I'm glad," Felix echoed, so filled with joy to see his friend again he could hardly speak. "Do you know if we have any classes together, this year?"

She frowned in thought. "Hmm, well, it depends. Do you have Web Design at 11 AM every other day and Intro to Cooking next semester?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do!" he beamed. 

"Yay!" She wrapped her arms around him again and he laughed, doing the same back. Just then, he felt a pair of hands close over his eyes. 

_" &!@$$^&!" (Guess who?)_

_"^ &!@*$@#!$%@#@$$#!##@" (Who else but my best buddy?) _Felix mused, turning around to give another hug. _" &!!#$!$@@@!!@&@!%!#@$$" (Good to see you again, Qbert!)_

_"!$@@@!!$$!***!*@$ &@#!*!$#*!@" (I see you still like the color blue.")_

_"@@$@%#!$@@@!!$$!***!*@$ &@#!*!$!$@%&@" (Yes, and I see you still like the color orange.")_

They laughed, giving each other friendly elbows to the ribs and revealing each other's bedspreads tucked beneath their arms. 

 _"^@**%@$$!%@**@!*!*@%!%$ &$@@%" (Well, personally, _I _like mint green!)_ said Vanellope, holding out her own bedspread.

Felix gawked. _"^@%@**!%@@!!#@%$%@@*!#@$$@$@$!!" (Vanellope, you can speak Qbertese too?)_

_"#!!$$@!#@%!#@$$$@! &&$%@!$!^@$$&@$!%%@$" (Course I can! Qbert taught me it over the summer.)_

_"^@** &!$&!^!$&!#!!*#^@#@@%$&@$@" (Well gosh, I wish I could've been there,) _said Felix, scratching his head. He couldn't believe he never once thought to make plans with his college friends at some point during the summer - that was the price to pay for being a busy son of a rich rancher and carpenter, he supposed. 

"Hey, shortstack," a familiar voice greeted, hard clap on the shoulder accompanying it.

"Hi, Tam - Calhoun!" he corrected, greeting her as she walked past. Yeah, they'd patched things up over the summer, too. Turns out being just friends with her was not as hard as he thought it would be. He might even say he was happy with it. The only thing was how hard it was going to be to stop calling her 'Tammy'...

"'Ey, look who it is!" Vanellope cried, interrupting his thoughts. When he turned his head back toward the campus, his eyes searched where she was pointing and connected immediately with the person he most wanted to see. 

"Ralph," he said for some reason barely above a whisper. He stood rooted to where he was in the parking lot until at last his legs willed him to move. "Ralph!" he called again, this time more ecstatic.

"Hey, Felix!" Ralph laughed, holding out his arms.

 _"Ralph!"_ Felix cried, jumping into them. "Oh my Land! I-I didn't think I'd see you again!" 

The taller of the two laughed again and ruffled his hair. "Why not, buddy?" 

"I dunno. For some reason I kept thinking you'd get another job somewhere else or enroll at a community college. Or that the fact you're a groundskeeper gave you some sort of magical groundskeeper powers that would make you disappear. It sounds silly now, but that's what happens when you miss your friends so much," he chuckled nervously.

"I told ya, I work here. You ain't gettin' rid of me _that_ easily." His eyes shone. "Especially not with the good news I have to share."

"Oh?" Felix raised an eyebrow.

Ralph took this as a sign to continue. "Well, the local talent institution found out I had a real knack for art, so they promised me a full-ride and had me take a government-issued test which I passed, so..." He gave a wide, toothy grin. "Say hello to Ralph Reilly, Litwak's Newest Freshman!"

 Felix speechlessly looked up at him, hands moving to settle on his forearms.

"That's great," he said, breath leaving his lungs. Then, regaining air, "That's great, I'm so happy for you!"

"You really are?"

 _"Yes!"_ Felix squeezed the life out of his friend, who lifted him up in turn. They laughed in each other's ears until they were almost breathless. "Oh my Land, this year's going to be fun!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm...it will be interesting, to say the least.
> 
> Especially with who we meet next. O.O


	10. Year Two: Qbert's New Friend

The grocery store situated mere blocks from the university certainly had its perks, in Felix's opinion. Sure, he had a meal plan, so he could take snacks from the student center whenever he wanted, but the fruit in the dining hall wasn't as fresh as it could be. Plus, there was the added bonus of shopping, which he loved. How liberating it was to check items off a list! One could say he lived for it. 

He returned to the dorm with a smile on his face and recyclable bags on his arms.

 _" &@@!#@$$!%#@#*" (Hey, Qbert, I'm back!)_ 

_" &@@^&@$$!%" (Hey, what's up?)_

Felix smiled. As usual, his room mate was huddled over a game controller in front of a flashing television. His eyebrow raised with curiosity upon seeing another figure beside him, excessively cheering over their victory.

_"^ &!$@!!$%@^&$!@%#" (Who's your new friend?)_

Qbert turned around. _"$ &!$!$@$" (This is, er - )_

"Oh, hello! You probably recognize me from all the theater shows I've starred in," the kid interrupted, fluttering his eyelashes. "I'm Alan Tastik, but you can call me Turbo!"

"Well, hi, there!" Felix greeted, shaking his hand. He recognized his face from last year's productions, alright. It looked familiar for some other reason, too, though he couldn't place why. Then he remembered - he was the one in the red and white jumpsuit throwing a tantrum at the go-kart race last year when Vanellope won.

 _He must not like losing very much,_ he thought to himself, chuckling.

"What? What's so funny?" said Turbo. His hazel eyes widened. "It's not my hair, is it?!"

"No, no," Felix said, holding his hands up.

"Phew, that's good," he breathed, grinning sheepishly. "You know, I couldn't really afford any good hair conditioner these past few weeks since my folks cut me off. It's been hard, you know, getting that perfect glow," he continued, even as his hand kept primping it up. 

"Well, I assure you, it looks great," Felix consoled him.

"No...does it really?" He waved a hand. "Oh, please, you're too kind." Felix kept following him around with claims that his hair looked fine, and Turbo kept pacing around the room and trying to dismiss them, albeit with a wide smile on his face.

All Qbert could do was watch, shaking his head.

~

Over the next few weeks, Turbo became a regular part of the clan. He certainly liked to put himself out there, with his big bowties and striped pants and royal purple coat. There was not one instance where he wasn't cracking pun-filled jokes in the middle of a conversation or whispering juicy gossip during class or even a movie production. All in all, though, he seemed like a nice guy. He'd warmed up especially well to Felix, who, like him, was outgoing and loved to entertain. At least, that's how he put it.  

"Oh, Fifi~" he called now, catching up with Felix after the last class of the day. "Q and I were thinking of going out for ice cream sundaes at Peter Pepper's, if you wanted to join~!"

Felix laughed. "Sorry, there, neighbor, but I'm afraid I'm lactose intolerant."

"Oh! Right! I knew that," Turbo chuckled, waving a hand. "But seriously, though, you should come. Q's nice, and all, but he's a little tight-lipped, if ya catch my drift. Hee hee, I just rhymed!"

"Turb, come on, be nice," Felix said, though he knew it was futile at this point. Turbo was always tossing dirt on people, plus he never listened. 

"What? I'm nice. I just invited you out for sundaes, isn't that nice?" Turbo argued. He primped up his hair. "It's not often I get this charitable, Fifi. You should consider yourself lucky to be my friend."

Felix laughed, rolling his eyes. "Alright, sure, but _sometimes-"_

As the two of them carried on with their friendly bickering, a small guy with a shaved head and knitted green button-up vest walked up to them and tugged on Turbo's royal purple coat. 

"Alan? I've got your headshots printed out like you wanted – " 

"I told you not to call me Alan," he snapped, lisp thickening. Then, cheeks reddening, "Oh, dear, sorry! How rude of me! Here, come meet my new friend Fifi!"

"Felix McBrayer Jr., nice to meet you," Felix said, sticking his hand out. 

The guy took it and the corners of his mouth twitched up ever-so slightly. "Hello, I'm-"

"This is Sour Bill!" Turbo interrupted, jumping up in the air. Then, just like that, the corners dropped again and deepened. 

 _"William Moore,"_ he droned, eyes long-suffering. "But you can call me Sour Bill if you really want to. Everyone else does."

Felix smiled. "Say, I reckon I recognize you. Weren't you in my English Composition class last year?"

"That's right, I was," said Sour Bill, green eyes widening.

"I thought so!" Felix laughed. "Yes, I remember, now. You were the one who did a dramatic reading of 'Hamlet' for us at the end of every class. I must say, you have a great voice for it!"

The corners of his mouth twitched up again, this time much more noticeable. "Well, goodness, I-" 

"Oh, you've met? Delightful!" Turbo giggled. "Billy and I are both in Theater, that's where we first met-"

"I give _up,"_ Sour Bill groaned, pressing his fingers to his forehead.

Turbo frowned. "Hey, what's _your_ problem? Ah, who cares – let's go find Q and eat some ice cream!" 

"But Turbo-" Felix began, before his sentence was cut off by Turbo dragging his and Sour Bill's wrists across the campus. Ah, well. Maybe Peter Pepper's would have other options.

Turbo chugged along like a proud steam engine while the two stupefied cabooses bumped along behind him until they happened upon Qbert and Vanellope, who were chatting and laughing at a picnic table with their large textbooks. 

"What are they saying, Fifi?" said Turbo, raising an eyebrow. 

Felix mouthed along with them, feeling his brain spark with activity. Then, turning to Turbo, "They're discussing last night's Theoretical Mathematics homework and laughing at a joke Qbert just told about a converging infinite series: 'An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"."

"Oh! It's so amazing how you can do that, Fifi," Turbo giggled with glee. He tugged at the knitted vest of his other friend, who simply rolled his eyes. "Did you see him, Sour Bill? Isn't he just soooo talented?" 

"Well, actually, it's not really a talent. It's more of a skill you build up over time," Felix began, scratching his head, before Turbo interrupted him again.

"Milk my duds! What is _she_ doing here?!" It seemed his brain had caught up with him as his finger pointed at Vanellope in recognition.

"Well, hello to you too, rudey pants!" Vanellope huffed, having overheard.

"'Rudey pants'? Please, that's not even original," Turbo scoffed, waving a hand.

She ignored him then and leaned an elbow on Felix's shoulder. "So, where are you all headed?"

"Peter Pepper's, and you're not invited," said Turbo, folding his arms.

"Aw. Well, too bad I don't take orders from you," she sneered in his face. Then, jumping up and down, "We should bring Ralph, too!"

Turbo gasped and grabbed Felix's arm. "Please, don't invite him. His halitosis is so bad I could smell it for _days!"_

"Well, now! That's not very nice," Felix said, resting his knuckles on his hips. 

"Psh, relax, I'm kidding. Mostly. Do you know, I think that guy hardly ever brushes his teeth-"

 _"Turbo,"_ Felix deadpanned. That was his final warning. Push any further, and everyone there to witness would be sorry. He didn't get angry this often, but there was something about his closest friends - and especially Ralph - that made the claws come out. The McBrayers were like tiger cubs: while they appeared to be cute and fluffy and tiny, if you messed with anyone or anything they held dear to them, they would rip you to shreds. Turbo may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer - when it came to common sense, anyway, as he _was_ an intellectual genius - but he knew the wise choice was to back away slowly. 

Felix smiled then, as though nothing had just occurred, and the five of them made their way toward the residence hall located near the art studio. Felix wondered what kind of projects Ralph would create in there. _Probably sculptures,_ he thought. He seemed to have the hands for it. 

They walked inside and up the stairs, and Felix was the one who knocked on the door to Ralph's dorm. It swung open to reveal Zangief with a barbell in his hand. Felix chuckled. Of _course_ they were rooming together.

 _"Zdravstvuj,_ Felix!" the muscular man greeted, smiling.

 _"Zdravstvuj,_ Zangief!" Felix greeted back. _"_ Is Ralph in there?"

"Hold on. Let me check." Zangief turned his head and shouted, "Ralph, your boyfriend's here!"

"He's not my boyfriend, Zangief," Ralph mumbled, rolling his eyes and shoving his snickering pal aside.

 _"Dasvidanya,_ Felix!" he said, walking away and nearly bending over with laughter.

"Yeah, ho ho ho, very funny. I'm not the one who wears briefs to wrestling practice!" Ralph called after him. Then, looking down and smiling, "Hey, you! What's up?"

Felix's cheeks were still a bit red at being called Ralph's boyfriend, but he willed himself to continue. "Er, the five of us were planning to go to Peter Pepper's, if you want to join." He gestured to the crew behind him.

Ralph jumped a bit. "Oh, you know what? I just remembered, I, uh – have to feed the fish," he giggled nervously, scooping up a box of fish food that happened to be lying there. "But I would love to go to Peter Pepper's with you some other time. Maybe get you some of that vanilla cake, was it, with yogurt frosting and blueberries on top?"

Felix beamed. _How did he know?_

"I'll see you around, guys. I really am sorry," he said, closing the door. Felix stood rooted there, almost unwilling to move. He didn't even feel upset. How could he? Ralph knew his favorite dessert by heart.  

"Aw, man! I wanted him to come," Vanellope pouted.

"Whatever. We're better off without him, anyways," said Turbo, unrooting Felix by dragging his wrist. "Now come on, let's go get you an ice cream sundae!" Felix smiled and shook his head, already knowing he was in for one heck of a stomach ache tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Double Holiday! ^_^
> 
> April Fool's and Easter on the same day, can you believe it?


	11. Year Two: Adderall

Everyone else complained about how hard the coursework was. Not Felix! Everyone else complained about the occasional all-nighters they had to pull at the library in order to complete said coursework. Not Felix! Everyone else complained about how they were almost late to class because of said all-nighters and said coursework, how inaccessible their professors were when they genuinely needed help working out a problem, and the lack of coffee available in the dining hall for their saggy eyes. Not Felix!

No siree, Felix McBrayer Jr. was on top of things, and he wanted to stay that way!

~

One chilly October morning, as Felix was on his way to class, he found himself struggling to carry his belongings. In one hand, he carried a plastic cup filled with light roast coffee, his cell phone in the other, and in both arms, giant textbooks. Normally, he would have them filed alphabetically in his backpack (or by size, if he really wanted to get jiggy with it) but in-between having to wait in line for his coffee at the shop and the much-needed shower when he got back to his dorm, he'd forgotten to budget the time he needed for that. He was just glad Calhoun wasn't here to see this. He just knew she would make fun of him for having stooped so low. "Pig level", she would call it. 

So far, he was doing a pretty good job, what with lifting his arms every now and then to adjust them in his grip. Unfortunately for Felix, however, his arms were rather short, which meant the books eventually slipped and landed on the sidewalk with a large, collective  _PLOP!_

"Oh, Land," he muttered, putting his coffee and phone down for a moment to gather them. As he crouched on the ground, he saw a pair of large hands reaching down as well. 

"Need any help with that, Felix?"

He grinned. "That would be great, thank you, Ralph!"

"Don't mention it," Ralph said, palming some with ease, slinging them onto his shoulder. He turned his head to the side for a moment then whistled. "Boy, you're sure taking some tough classes. You must be up all night."

"Well, no, not _all_ night. The coursework isn't as hard as some might think," Felix chuckled, though Ralph raised an eyebrow. Once Felix was sure the both of them were out of earshot from anyone else, he ran his hands down his face and groaned, "You're right, I'm dyingggg. What am I going to do?"

"You could take some uppers," Turbo suggested from behind them.

Felix jumped, scratching at his hot neck. "Oh, my, that seems awfully strong. Don't they give that to horses?"

"Haha! Please!  _No,"_ he said, going from light-hearted to deriding in just under a second. "That's ketamine, you idiot."

"Don't call Felix an idiot," Ralph growled, free fist curling and uncurling. Turbo's face fell as though he'd just seen what his future casket looked like.

"Ralph, it's okay, he's just joking around," Felix chuckled nervously, patting Ralph's hand. To his relief, it loosened and fell back by his side, though he could still feel it trembling with anger. He ran his fingers gently down the back of it, trying to keep the peace as much as possible. 

"So, how about it?" Turbo prompted.

Felix shook his head. "No, really, I couldn't - "

"Come on, don't be such a fuddy-duddy. It'll help you! Hey," he winked, "first one's on me." He tossed a plastic tube into Felix's hand then made off toward the shadows of a nearby building. There followed a long silence.

"Well, _that_ was creepy," Ralph spoke up after, clapping his hands together. He winced at the dark blue label. "You're not actually thinking of taking those, are you?"

"No, of course not," Felix laughed, putting it in the back pocket of his jeans.

~

It was 2 AM.

Qbert had already given up on his own coursework a few hours ago and gone straight to bed. Felix would have done the same thing if he weren't in all-honors classes, with some even at the top most level. Take Advanced Physics, for example. To Felix, this was the sneakiest killer of all. It charmed students with its practicality and applicability to the surrounding world and universe, then overwhelmed them with complex formulas and the theory of relativity.

 “Come on, I’ve gotta study,” he groaned, massaging his exhausted temples. What he wouldn’t give for another cup of coffee right now. He knew it wasn’t possible, though, seeing as how the coffee shop was too far away and the student center didn’t usually remain open after hours. As far as Felix was concerned, he would have to rely solely on luck.

_Unless..._

His eyes wandered to the unopened plastic container which lie on his desktop. He unscrewed the cap and took out one of the little orange capsules. It certainly didn’t _look_ dangerous. Actually, it looked more like one of those pills someone might take for a headache. Maybe that’s exactly what this was.

Felix looked at the clock – _2:05 AM._ Couldn’t hurt to try, right?

He popped it into his mouth and waited a while. Funny. Normally, he’d feel some sort of effect right away. Maybe one wasn’t enough? He tried a second and third. Strange - it still wasn’t working. He popped in a fourth. There, now, that should work!

~

Everything was beautiful. The morning moon, the walls pulsing with energy, the unfinished physics homework sprawled out on the desk as Felix spun around in his chair, _everything._ Soon, his vision grew rainbowy. Gosh, maybe he’d pass out. Wouldn’t _that_ be funny. He laughed then grew cold and face-planted on the floor.

~

“First of all, you’re an idiot. Second of all – “ Ralph got down on one knee next to the hospital bed, revealing the glistening, unshed tears in his eyes as he choked, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Aw, Ralphy,” Felix whispered, wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug, “you didn’t actually think I was going to die, did you?”

“But you were just lying there, and you looked so small and scared.” Ralph wiped his eyes. “What would I have done?” His voice rose just as he did, pacing around the room. “What would I have done if - if – " His shoulders slumped. “If you didn’t wake up?”

Felix found himself quietly studying the distressed stature of the man before him, from his hunched back to his slack hands, and imagining for one surreal moment seeing neither of those things again. “I don’t know.”

“Right.” Ralph sniffled. “Then you’d better not do that again, I swear to fucking God,” he breathed, rushing back over to throw his arms around him. And as Felix felt Ralph’s chest rise and fall with every sob that ripped through him, he realized he was speaking not out of anger but of real, genuine fear.

“I won’t. God, I won’t, Ralph, I’m so sorry...”

~

Felix still had absolutely no idea how he was going to get through all these late night homework sessions. If this was what sophomore year looked like, even for a neat freak who normally did everything on time, then he almost didn't want to picture junior and senior year.

Needless to say, the plastic tube ended up in the trash the next day when he returned.

In the afternoon, it mysteriously went missing. Felix scratched his head, wondering where it was, then looked out the window just in time to see Ralph chasing after Turbo, chucking the same plastic tube repeatedly at his helmeted head and yelling at the top of his lungs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugs not drugs, Felix!
> 
> You can't have both. ;P


	12. Year Two: Midnight Shopping

It was late evening at the dance studio. The instructor, Ms. Harris, walked down the row of dancers, shaking her head. 

"Stephanie, you're behind the beat. Darren, you were supposed to turn around and wave your hands, not your arms. Look–" She brought a palm to her face. "Just pay attention to Felix, okay?"

Felix's face turned red in spite of himself as more than a dozen pairs of eyes turned to him in the front. 

"Well, _gosh,_ I-"

But his bashfulness was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

"Who is it~?" Ms. Harris sang, peeking around the corner. 

Ralph grinned. "Evening, Dana!"

"It's _Deanna,_ Ralph," she visibly groaned among the students' laughter.

"Right, sorry," he chuckled, scratching his neck. "Do you mind if I borrow your lead dancer?"

 Felix felt his face go red as everyone's eyes landed on him once again. 

Ms. Harris placed her hands on her hips. "Well, see, I really don't think this is a good time right now. Felix is busy practicing at the moment, and-"

"It's quite alright, Ms. Harris," Felix interrupted, face still glowing. "I told Ralph he could come pick me up at around nine thirty. I have some shopping I need to do."

"Oh," she adjusted her cat-eye glasses, "very well, then. Class is over!"

Mixed groans and cheers escaped the studio as the students picked up their belongings, changed into their pajamas, and left. 

"I don't think she likes me very much," Ralph chuckled, as the two of them walked toward the street. 

"Oh! Nonsense," Felix dismissed. "It takes a while for her to warm up to people, but she's absolutely wonderful once you get to know her."

"But I've known her two years now and still see her spit on the ground every time she walks by me."

Felix looked at the pain in Ralph's eyes, which were still crinkled with laughter. 

"I guess you can't please _everybody,"_ he sighed, patting his back.

The two of them walked to Peter Pepper's in their pajamas. Ralph was busy at the art studio that evening, so he hadn't eaten dinner yet either. Because it was so late, the building was empty of customers except for the two of them. They sat down at a small table with a red checkered cloth and two tiny shakers and a bottle of ketchup in the center. Ralph could barely lift the salt shaker with one hand. 

"It's so small and cute, like you," he laughed. 

"I'm not _that_ small," Felix pouted.

Ralph shook his head. "Dude, you're just under five feet. Anyway, I said 'cute' too, didn't I?" He winked. 

"Y-Yeah," Felix giggled, heat rushing to his cheeks all of a sudden. Then - "Hey, wait a minute, you're just over seven feet. Doesn't that make you a _giant?"_

"You got me there," Ralph said, holding up his hands and grinning, showing his signature gap. "What are you thinking of getting, Tiny?"

"As a matter of fact, Big Guy," Felix teased back, "I was looking at the chicken salad."

Ralph raised an amused eyebrow. "We go to a place that specializes in burgers and you order a chicken salad?"

"Well, I happen to like chicken salad very much," Felix defended, giving Ralph his scowliest look. A short period of awkward silence followed before the two of them cracked up at each other. As they laughed, a waiter with a pointed mustache walked up to them with a notepad and pen. 

"Ah, a very happy crew, I see!" he said with a wide smile on his face. He clicked his pen. "What'll it be tonight, sirs?"

"We'll have the chicken salad to split," Ralph spoke up for the two of them. 

"Very good, sir, I will be right out with your order," he said, writing it down. Once he was gone, Felix turned to Ralph in question. 

"I thought you were just laughing at me for wanting the chicken salad."

"Well, it might be funny, but it doesn't mean I don't trust your good taste," Ralph chuckled.

Felix's stomach clenched with warmth at that.

The two of them chatted about their school work and crazy professors until their salad arrived. Ralph lifted a bit with his fork and ate it. "Mmm! This is so good, you gotta try this."

"Okay," Felix laughed. He was about to reach for his fork when a fresh clump of salad hanging from the other's caught his eye. He shook his head, wincing. "Ralph, please, that's unsanitary."

"What? Oh, come on. I'm not gonna give you mono," the other protested lightly. 

"Calhoun did - shortly after Valentine's, remember?" Felix said.

Ralph scoffed. "Well, _yeah._ That's why I visited you with ice cream every day at your dorm, silly. Now c'mon, eat." Felix shook his head again and folded his arms with finality. Though, when he saw the puppy-dog look Ralph was giving him, he found he couldn't hold up his defenses much longer.

"Oh, alright." He stretched out his neck and took a bite of the salad from Ralph's fork. He nodded. "Jiminy jaminy, this _is_ delicious!" 

Soon, he and Ralph were taking turns feeding each other chicken salad and he'd forgotten all about how germy it was. At one point, Ralph got flecks of mayo on his cheek and he giggled. "You've got a little - um..." He pointed at his own cheek for reference. Ralph shook his head, not finding it. Felix laughed. "I'll get it."

"No, I'll get it," Ralph said, as the two of them reached out for a napkin at the same time. However, neither one of them ended up getting it. Instead, Ralph's hand bumped into the ketchup bottle, which spilled its contents all over the table. Ralph looked embarrassed for a moment, but then a mischievous grin crossed his face. 

"Ralph? What are you-?" Felix started to ask before he felt two palms covered in ketchup rubbing his cheeks. His eyes widened. "Oh, you did not just-!" He didn't finish that sentence either, instead picking up a glob of ketchup with his own fingers and drawing a spiral design on Ralph's cheek before prodding his nose.

"Hey," Ralph laughed. The two of them continued drawing ketchup designs on each other's faces - Ralph's looking more stylistic than Felix's, obviously - until they saw the waiter coming with their bill and wiped them away quickly. Felix paid for the both of them since Ralph didn't have much money, though Ralph insisted he would pay next time. The waiter told them to have a good night and that they seemed wonderful together. The two of them blushed at his implications then looked at each other, grinning. 

As they walked out the front entrance, they could hear small pitter-pattering sounds in the street.

"Is it raining out?" Felix asked.

Ralph squinted at the forecast on his phone. "Try 'swiftly-moving monsoon'." As soon as the words left his mouth, thunder cracked overhead and a grey cloud moved after them with sounds like a jet engine. 

"Oh, gosh! _Run!"_ Felix yelled. 

The two of them sprinted just ahead of the storm, grinning wildly at one another. Ralph scooped Felix up in one arm and he laughed in surprise, just as water covered them both. They arrived at the store, both laughing and breathing heavily. Felix was a little less wet, since he was sheltered by Ralph's arm and shoulder, but Ralph was soaked to the bone. He put Felix down and shook some of it off. 

"So, whatcha need for your dorm?" he said. 

"We're all of out toilet paper and shower supplies, so we'll need some of those. Oh, and snacks for our mini fridge," Felix said, reading from his check list. 

"Any specific kind?" 

"Cool Ranch Doritos will do. Don't tell Qbert I've joined the dark side, though. He'll _never_ let me live it down." Ralph laughed at that. 

They walked down the aisle and Felix picked out a new shampoo. Cherry blossom was nice - it had become his recent favorite. He stocked that along wth hand-sanitizer and soap in his small plastic bathroom kit.

"Do you want me to carry it?" Ralph asked. 

Felix shook his head. "No, that you can just put in the buggy." Ralph chortled then and Felix raised an eyebrow. "Are you making fun of my Southern slang, Ralph? Is that what this is about?" he demanded playfully.

Ralph shook his head, though it was red with mirth.

Felix gasped. "You are! Get back here!"

"You can't catch me!" 

"Oh, no?" Felix grinned. "I'll have you know, I was quite the athlete back at my high school."

"Oh, _shit,"_ Ralph breathed, laughing, as he realized Felix was actually gaining on him. They raced through the aisles and dodged each other at every corner, having completely forgotten the buggy, until finally, Ralph overlooked a box full of materials to be restocked and tripped, sending both him and Felix flying. Ralph's arm wrapped instinctively around Felix's waist so he wouldn't get injured and Felix landed safely on his chest. They ended up lying in a sea of spilled toilet paper packages, laughing their heads off. 

"I caught you," Felix teased, catching his breath.

"Yeah, so? What now?" Ralph grinned back. Felix chuckled then found he couldn't answer, instead letting everything go silent around him. This was because he noticed something about Ralph that he hadn't before. He noticed how shiny his hair looked when it was still soaked by the rain, how strong and muscular he was beneath the thin material of his shirt, how natural it felt to have his waist trapped beneath his arm - how safe he felt. He even noticed, as Ralph began consciously or subconsciously moving some stray hairs from the front of his face, how gentle his touch could be, for all everyone thought he was either too clumsy or rough for such a thing. Even Felix hadn't expected such tenderness, considering he was normally either trapped in a bear hug or nearly falling over from a heavy clap on the shoulder. But here he was, treating him like a china doll and looking at him as if he were one too. His eyes drifted to his lips, which were soft and parted in awe, and Ralph mirrored his movements. Both of them were waiting for each other to speak, but neither was willing. They watched for what felt like eternity. Then, Ralph's head leaned forward, lips brushing against his ear. _"We should get up,"_ he whispered. An involuntary shudder passed through Felix's body as he nodded. Ralph's breath was hot on his cheek, sending his head in a dosey.

Ralph got out of the pile first before helping Felix and they cleaned up the aisle and paid for Felix's things. The rest of the night, even as the two of them were walking home and chatting about what they planned to do the next day, Felix couldn't help but think about that scene in the aisle. He noticed new things about himself, too. How whenever Ralph made a joke, he chuckled louder than usual. How whenever their hands accidentally brushed, Felix blushed brighter than usual, grew pleasantly nervous. Even when it was pouring rain, he couldn't help but feel hot and bothered.  

He was going cuckoo crazy, he was sure of it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breaking news: Ralph is insanely attractive. Wuttt!
> 
> The waiter ships it, lol XD


	13. Year Two: Awkward Confession

Felix walked into his dorm, head still spinning. 

_" &@@!#@$$!%#@#*^!$&!!$$!%%*!@$" (Hey, Qbert, I'm back with our supplies!)_

_"@^@$!%@$ &@%*$#!##@" (Awesome! Thanks, buddy.)_

_"$! &&$#@#*@$#&@%@*" (Right back atcha, pal,) _Felix grinned, walking over to where Qbert was playing video games once again and clapping him on the shoulder. _"!% &!%%@&@$$!%@$@$$$$@%!$$!$$@@!%$!!*@$@%!^" (I'm gonna get some rest. Try not to stay up too late, now!)_

_" &@@!%!%@$!%@$&@$##!$$*@^@*!#@%$%$!%!$@@%@$&!%&" (Hey, I'm on a super hard boss level. I can't promise anything.)_

The two of them laughed before Qbert went back to playing his game. Felix turned around to go toward his bed when a sight made him nearly jump out of his skull. "Woah, my land!" 

"Hello, Fifi~" Turbo greeted, waving at him. "Q invited me over to play video games again. You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not. It's just you startled me for a moment, there," Felix breathed, fanning himself to keep calm. 

"That's just my stage presence, dear. I've been told it has that paralyzing effect," he said, primping his hair.  

Felix chuckled. "Right, well, I'd better head on up to bed. Toodle-oo!" 

"Wait, you can't go _yet,"_ Turbo protested, grabbing hold of his arm. "Why - you were just the person I was looking for!"

As tired as Felix was, it wasn't in him to deny any help his friends might need. He scratched his head. "Alright, then. What seems to be the issue?"

Turbo fiddled with his fingers, looking somewhat anxious for once. "Well, you see, it's not so much an _issue_ as...I mean, it's a _pressing matter,_ but not necessarily a problem – never mind!" he blurted suddenly, waving a hand. "The point is, we've really gotten to know each other over these past few months, Fifi. I like you, and I want us to be more than friends."

Felix's words came out a whisper. "Turbo-"

"Shhh," Turbo placed a finger on his lip, grinning. "You can call me Alan, if you like."

 _"Alan._ I...don't know what to say."

"Speechless, are we? That's very unlike you, Fifi," he giggled. Then with some desperation, "Must mean you feel the same way back, right?"

"No," Felix said, suddenly, brain catching up with him. "No, I don't. I'm sorry."

Turbo looked at him blankly for a moment before angrily shaking his head. "I can't accept this. You can't just not like me back after all we've been through, it would be selfish!"

"That is hardly my fault," Felix snapped, much to his own surprise. The room went painfully silent before Turbo spoke up again, eyes wide.

"There isn't someone else, is there?"

Felix sighed. "No, I'm not currently seeing anybody. I just only see you as a friend."

Turbo frowned deeply. "...I see."

"I have to get ready for bed, now, or I won't have enough rest for tomorrow. Please don't let this ruin your evening," Felix told him.

"Hm? Oh, no, I won't. Don't worry," Turbo replied, though Felix couldn't help but notice his sulking figure already. So _this_ is what he looked like the day he and Calhoun broke up. How strange to be looking at almost a mirror image of himself. 

He walked as quickly as his legs could carry him to the bathroom so he could wash his face and try to forget that whole thing just happened. It was bad enough he was getting butterflies in his stomach for Ralph, but now Turbo had butterflies for  _him_ and Qbert had been there to watch the whole time, making everything that much more uncomfortable.

Outside, he could hear the long-drawn-out sighs of a dejected man and a voice repeating 'cheer up' in Qbertese without much success. Guilt ate at Felix's insides a bit. He hadn't wanted to hurt him.

But when you truly didn't like and admire someone the way they liked and admired you, what else was there to do?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, dear...


	14. Year Two: Group Project

It was spring semester already, which meant Web Design was soon coming to an end. As usual, Felix was taking a painstakingly long time to program his computer since he insisted on following _every direction_ while Vanellope had long finished hers and was now jumping around to help anyone else who needed it, as suggested by Mr. Litwak.

"What's got you down, Mopey Morton?” she said, skipping over to Felix.

He looked up. “How did you know?”

"Shaky hands? Hunchbacked figure? Big frowny face like someone just stole your favorite stuffed unicorn? Doy. It's pretty obvious.” She jerked her head. “Anyway, what’s up?”

“Turbo confessed his love for me yesterday.”

“Oooh. _Awkward,”_ she winced. “You didn’t tell him you felt the same way back, right?”

“No, I don’t. That’s the thing,” he said, momentarily ignoring what looked to be a relieved expression on her face. “I just feel bad because it was past midnight when I got back, so I might’ve sounded harsh when I rebuffed his affections.”

“That _does_ make sense, considering he just asked you out of the random after you went out last night with Ralph and oh, wait, I think I know what’s going on, here,” she suddenly interjected, grinning

“Can we not change the subject, please?” Felix said, cheeks reddening.

“I knew it, I knew it! You like him back!” Vanellope jumped up and down, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Felix likes Ralph~! Felix likes Ralph~!”

“Not so loud, please!” Felix begged, though he was already getting a couple stares thrown his way.

“Took you long enough, ya big bozo,” Vanellope teased, pinching his cheeks. “He’s had eyes for you forever.”

“Ralph - what - I - _...Me?”_ Felix choked. Oh, how highly disappointed his old English tutor back on the ranch would be in him. 

Vanellope sighed, shaking her head. “You moron, have you been here for the past year and a half? Pay attention next time, why don’cha?”

“I don’t know if I necessarily _like_ like him, though,” Felix said. “I just find him...you know, he’s very…”

“He’s hot, I know,” Vanellope interrupted, rolling her eyes. “Trust me, the big guy and I've being having that same exact conversation about you for a while and it gets old fast. Kinda like this one just did.” And with that, she skipped off, humming a J-pop song to herself in-between telling everyone what they were doing wrong. Felix, meanwhile, had a bit of a stupefied look on his face. 

 _Ralph thinks I’m attractive?_ he thought. He sniffed his wrist out of curiosity. Gee. Maybe he should wear cologne more often.

~

Luckily, Felix aced his final exam in Web Design - even if he was one of the last students to finish - and would now be taking Intro to Cooking. Ms. Mary was the head of it, much to his pleasant surprise. She and he had become good friends over the past year, much like he had with many of his other professors. Felix never could have imagined being able to converse freely with an academic during office hours about something other than the subject they taught or even go jogging alongside them during morning workouts. The college professor scene was a lot different than the high school teacher one, that was for sure. 

Ms. Mary waved excitedly when she saw Felix, who did the same in return. Then she bristled at the next person who came in, for whom Felix still projected the same enthusiasm. 

"Ralph, hi!" he said, patting the empty chair next to him. The taller one grinned and made his way over to him, knocking down some other chairs in return.

"Ah, whoops! Sorry about that," he said, picking them up among the laughter. Ms. Mary only sighed. 

Once everyone arrived, class could begin. 

"Hello, and welcome to Introduction to Cooking class! I'm Ms. Mary, and I'll be your instructor. Imagine: you want to make great food within a realistic timeframe but don't have a clue how to go about it. Or you're on your own for the first time and have discovered that eating out is expensive, takeout is tiresome, and you can hardly manage instant coffee. Does this sound like you?" More than a few heads nodded.

She clapped her hands together. "Excellent! Then this is just the course to take. We assume you know absolutely nothing about cooking and take it from there. You'll learn about kitchen equipment and menu planning; how to make salad; how to make pasta; how to roast meats and root vegetables and make dessert in a matter of minutes –" She continued talking, and though Felix tried to pay attention, he felt a tugging on his right arm. 

"Oh, hi there, Vanellope! I forgot you were in this class too," he chuckled.

"Figures, what with The Incredible Hunk to distract ya," she replied. Then, face lighting up, "Ha, get it? Instead of 'Hulk'? 'Cause he's big and angry but you like him, so he's..."

"Yes, I understand, thank you," Felix interrupted, trying not to roll his eyes. Vanellope raised her hand.

"Miss von Schweetz?" Ms. Mary called. 

"Yeah, hi, my friend here was wondering if he could be paired with Ralph for this upcoming group project?" she asked with big, innocent eyes. 

"Oh, well, of course, dearie," Ms. Mary said, most likely too occupied by said-innocence to voice any opposition she might have had. Then Vanellope turned back around with an evil glint in her eye and greeted the twin tomato-colored faces. 

"You're welcome," she told them.

~

Felix fumbled through his drawers, sweat rolling down his forehead. _Come on, now, this has to be the right one._ Thanks to Vanellope's little scheme, he was rushing all over the dorm looking for his nicest bottle of cologne and making sure he'd combed his hair perfectly.

Jiminy jaminy. Why was he even nervous? This was _Ralph_ he was talking about, the guy he'd known since last year and one of his closest friends. This was ridiculous...

But then there was the knock on the door to interrupt any rational thoughts he might have had and dissipate them once and for all. Especially since his mind flocked back to the aisle scene every time he even caught sight of the taller one anymore. 

"H-Hey, Ralph, come on in! I'm just freshening up a little before we head down to the residence hall kitchen."

"Freshening up? I didn't know you were looking to be the next Julia Child," Ralph mused, and the two of them cracked up. Oh, thank _God_ he had a sense of humor. Otherwise this would be the most awkward moment of his life. ...Well, _besides_ the one from a couple of days ago. 

"It's nothing _that_ fancy, really. Just combing my hair," he chuckled.

"Oh, really? Well, it looks nice," Ralph offered. 

"Thank you!" Felix grinned up at him and the two of them walked downstairs to the kitchen, still somewhat avoiding eye contact. 

"So, uh, any idea what we're making?" Ralph said, scratching his head. 

Felix nodded. "I believe Ms. Mary assigned us to the tiramisu ice cream."

"I can't believe Vanellope got tacos," Ralph groaned just then. "That has to be the easiest thing in the world! You just wrap a bunch of ground beef in a shell, throw it on the stove, and boom, done!"

"Not exactly," Felix laughed. "There's still directions she has to follow, you know."

"Ah, directions are for losers," Ralph dismissed, waving it off. "Not you, though," he blurted then, as he caught Felix's eye, "not you, you're perfect. No, I mean, you're not _perfect,_ because that wouldn't be realistic, but you're pretty darn close. Ah, forget it."

Felix giggled, the first word coming to his mind being _cute._ Wait, what?

"No need to fret, partner. With our teamwork, I'm sure we can do anything!" He grinned brilliantly at his tall friend, forgetting his own bashfulness for a moment.

"Well, alright, then, if you say so," Ralph replied, showing that signature gap between his teeth as he smiled back.  

The two of them retrieved some ingredients from the fridge, which turned out to be not only the right ones but also measured out perfectly. "Do you always come this prepared?" Ralph asked, jaw dropping a little. Felix only giggled and looked bashfully away in reply. Then he picked up the directions book and read the first step:

"'In a small bowl, dissolve your instant espresso powder in water and set it aside."

"Come on, there's gotta be a faster way to do that," Ralph argued, but Felix shook his head.

"Nope, no siree! We're going by the book."

"Augh," Ralph groaned, and Felix couldn't help but grin.

Next, it was time to beat the whipped cream. Felix put the mixer settings on medium, just as the book told him. Already, five minutes had gone on without much results, and he could feel Ralph's antsiness rolling off in waves. Finally, out the corner of his eye, he saw a large finger reaching out to flip the switch to the highest setting. 

"Ralph~" he warned, and the other jumped, hiding his offending finger behind his back and smiling sheepishly. 

"Hm? What? I wasn't doing anything."

"Sure you weren't," Felix replied, hands on his hips, though his laughter betrayed him. What was it about this man that made him unable to really lecture him? Why wasn't he annoyed beyond belief, like he normally would be? My, but Felix did wonder at himself sometimes. 

Once the cream was sufficiently beaten, it was time to add the condensed milk. Ralph poured it in and Felix began stirring it with a whisk. It wasn't quite setting the way it was supposed to, though. After five minutes, it still looked liquid-y. He tried stirring it some more, but then it broke apart in chunks. He didn't get it. Why was it being this way? He looked to the book. He was stirring at low speed like it told him to, so it can't have been _wrong._ Oh dear, what if he missed a step? He'd have to start all over, wouldn't he? He couldn't just bring a _puddle_ to Ms. Mary's class, it would never do!

"Here, lemme try something," Ralph said, placing a hand on his arm. Felix gulped. At this point, he couldn't refuse. He watched as Ralph added a white glob of cream cheese from his spoon - funny, _this_ wasn't in the recipe - then moved his hand to cover Felix's and stir the whisk at a rate so fast it was like a bicycle wheel on a hill. Felix watched as the mixture first sloshed, then condensed, then formed into the soft peaks he might find in a professional cooking magazine. 

"How...how did you do that?" he said, nearly speechless. 

Ralph grinned. "I may be impatient, but it doesn't mean I don't know a few tricks." He added some vanilla extract as his partner kept staring blankly at him. 

"I thought maybe you were going to suggest putting it back in the mixer," Felix chuckled after a while. 

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I know, but you were just following directions. I get that," said Ralph, scratching his head. _And_ there went Felix's speech again. Maybe it was the way the afternoon sunlight was hitting his hulking form as it leaned against the counter, but he found himself walking closer until they were almost face to face, just like that one time forever plaguing his mind. "What?" the other laughed, though it came out softly.

"You're..." he trailed off for lack of a better word then set his eyes on something out of nervousness. "You're like chocolate." Oh Jiminy jaminy, why did he _say_ that?

"70% bittersweet?" Ralph joked, reading the label. 

"No," Felix corrected, inspiration finding him suddenly. "Mysterious, and full of flavor."

Ralph's cheeks went red at that, and after awhile, he spoke, "You're kinda like vanilla."

"Plain and simple?" Felix smiled at him. 

"No," Ralph corrected, grinning back. "Honest. Pure. Plus, you smell really good."

"That's my cologne," Felix whispered, tilting his head.

"Oh, yeah?" Ralph mirrored his movements. 

Felix nodded, feeling his eyes close. This time, he did not wait for Ralph's lips to come up with an answer - he wished to answer with his own. He just felt the other's nose brushing against his when the sound of someone walking in the hallway nearby snapped them both out of it. Felix looked down, hands placed subconsciously on his chest.

"I think, um...I think we should add the coffee mixture now." He looked back up to see Ralph's eyes gazing directly, unbrokenly into his.

"You're right," he said, slowly backing away. The two of them worked in near silence after that, though it was oddly pleasant, judging by the warm looks they snuck at each other. Meanwhile, Felix was already recalling the feeling of his dirt-covered shirt, the way his dark eyes looked hazel for a moment. They really came close that time, hadn't they? Felix smiled and shook his head. Well, there went _another_ memory to lock away in his brain. 

Little did either of them know that "student walking around in the hallway" was actually Turbo stomping away after what he had just witnessed and Sour Bill hurriedly chasing after him. He did not like what was happening between that halitosis-riddled buffoon and his crush. Not one little bit!

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, jealousy~!
> 
> I'd say Ralph and I are very similar when it comes to cooking. XD


	15. Year Two: Attempt & Rescue

As predicted, Felix and Ralph not only completed their project – they also aced it. All class, people kept coming up to them and complementing them on their cooking skills, some even commissioning tiramisu ice cream for various social events they were running. Felix and Ralph only looked at each other, smiling. Vanellope raised her hand and asked Ms. Mary if the two of them could be cooking partners for the rest of the year and Ms. Mary replied enthusiastically in the middle of her third cup of ice cream, "But of course, dearie!"

~

It was Spring Break, and Felix was feeling fine. Fit as a fiddle, in fact! He'd just been invited to another wild college party, and this time he was going to be there with all his friends.

_"@@$" (Yes!)_

_"%!" (No.)_

__"@@$" (Yes!)_ _

___"%!" (No.)_ _ _

___"! &#!%@!%%*@@$@" (Oh come on, please?) ___Felix begged, Qbertese growing more lilted as his voice cracked. _"@!!#@%$*!$$$!$!%@!!$$!!%%*@@!% &^!#@!&@%@$@^@$@^@@*@%#@!!*%!^" (You can't just sit in your room playing video games every weekend, you know!)_

Qbert rolled his eyes. _" &@*!^@!!*%!^&!^%!#&!&@$@$&@$@$&!%&$" (Felix, you know how much I hate these things.)_

 _"!*%!^#!$!$^!!*#%$#@$ &@$@%@^!$&!!$@!!%*@@$@&!$@!!$#$!$&@$" (I know, but it wouldn't be the same without you. Please? For your brother?) _Felix batted his eyelashes, which he knew would work like a charm. Sure enough, Qbert gave a heavy sigh.

_"@*$! &&$#!$!%&!$!%&$!%@!%@@*$@$!$%@@*@$%@^@##!%&" (Alright. But I'm hiring someone else to speak at my wedding.)_

_"$ &@$$@*!@" (That's a lie,)_ Felix laughed, pretending to pout. _"@!!*%!^@!!*!^@%@" (You know you love me.)_

 _"@@@ &!#!" (Yeah, I do,) _Qbert admitted, giving a small shrug. Then, grinning, _"%!$@$%!# &@$!*!^@$&@$@!!*!^@#!!*$@%#&#!$!$!$$&!!&&" (Not as much as I love that you love Cool Ranch Doritos, though.)_

_"! &#!%$@^@%$$@$$^!$&%@%!$$@$" (Oh, don't even start with me, mister!)_

_"^ &@$!$$!@#$!^@$%@@!%#@!%$&@#@$*$!#@@*^@@$!%$&@#@$*$!#@" (What? I tried to warn ya. Once on the dark side, _always _on the dark side.)_

_"@!!*%!^^ &@$$&@$$!$@!!$@%!$@**!^@#$!$%@@*@$%@^@##!%&@!$&@$" (You know what? That's it. You're not allowed to speak at my wedding, either.)_

_"*!*@!^!!*#^ &!$&@&@**^!!*#!%#@$$$@%#%@" (Like I would. Who the hell would understand me?)_

The two of them cracked up and wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders before they left their dorm to meet up with Vanellope and Ralph ouside. 

"Hey, Nelly! Ready for your first college party?" Felix greeted.

"I sure am!" She jerked her head and grinned at him which he returned before his expression went serious for a moment.

"I want you to be safe, now, you hear? I don't mean to sound like a parent, but these places can get awfully rowdy."

"Hey, no problem, man! I'll stick with Ralphy at all times," she said, grabbing the taller one's hand as if to affirm her point. 

Ralph nodded. "I won't let her out of my sight, Felix."

"I know you won't," he replied, smiling softly at him. The two of them continued to share warm looks as they walked while Vanellope just gagged in the background. 

Eventually, the four of them arrived at the fraternity building and Felix knocked on the door. A guy wearing a bright green "Sober Monitor" shirt - the same guy who answered last year - opened it. His eyes were mean and squinty, but upon seeing Felix, they lit up.

"Hey, _Felix!_ Welcome _back,_ bro!"

"Heh, thanks," Felix chuckled as the guy gave him a hard slap on the back.

"Don't go too crazy like last time! On the other hand, that might not be so bad," he laughed, before holding the door open for them to walk in.

"Thank you," Felix said to him. Meanwhile, Ralph raised an eyebrow.

"You know that guy?"

 _"! &@!!&@^@%!!#@@" (Oh, you have no idea,) _Qbert said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

 _"^ &@$#!@!!%@@%"  (What do you mean?) _Vanellope asked him.

"Hi, Felix!" a whole crowd of people called out to him at once, waving. Felix's face went red as the three friends turned to him, two of which in question.

"Heh, well, you see, I have quite a bit of history with these things..."

 _"@@@ &%!$@$&@%@#!$" (Yeah, _more _than a bit,)_ Qbert scoffed, waving a hand. Felix was afraid his two other friends might see him differently now, but instead they looked unperturbed. Ralph even smiled.

"Man, I _gotta_ hear about this." Felix couldn't even believe it, he was actually looking at him as if to prompt into a fully-detailed story. But he was a little too embarrassed to do that just yet, so instead he said, "Ralph, do you mind getting me a drink?"

"Hm? Oh, no, not at all." He started making his way to the refreshment table and stopped, turning his head momentarily. "But when I get back, I wanna hear all about it."

"Yeah, me too, Doc! I wanna know what kinda mischief ya got into," Vanellope agreed, going with him.

Felix nodded and waved after them, then snapped his fingers. _Darn it!_ So much for trying to get out of _that_ one.

 _"*@$$#@ &!%@$$@!!#!#%$@^@%&@^@@#&@%#@" (Let's be honest. You didn't even have a chance,) _Qbert said, as if to read his mind.

Felix rolled his eyes. _"! &^&!@$*@#@!!%$%@&@$!^@" (Oh, who asked you, Mr. Negative?)_

Qbert shrugged in return, looking at him with mixed deadpan and amusement. _"%!!%@!*!$$ &@*$!$%@@#@#$!#@&@@$#" (No one. I just felt it needed to be heard.)_

_"^@**$ &@%*@!!&!$$&@$!&@@*%!&&$@!%&!$%@#%!^" (Well, thank you for that. I feel mighty informed now.) _

Never in Felix's life did he think he'd be speaking to anyone like this outside of the ranch. Then again, he didn't know Qbert would teach him to be fluent in sarcasm, either. Now _there_ was a complicated language. And this was coming from a guy who knew Japanese and Arabic, just to name a few. 

He felt a tug on his elbow and looked to where his friend was pointing at a bunch of students who were laughing around a card table with beers in their hands. " _$!^ &!#!@!!$&!%*^!**&@$#$!%*&!$$$" (So, who do you think will get drunk first?) _

 _"!#@$$" (Qbert,)_ Felix giggled, shaking his head.

_"^ &@$@!!$@$&@!%@^&!#$@&&@#%@!!$&@$@@%#%!^@!!$@%@@!%&$&@%$!#@&!$!$%!^^&!$&@$$!%&&@%%@$@#" (What? You're the one who dragged me out here, and now you're paying the price for it. Now, who's getting hammered?)_

_" &%!$$@$!!&&#@**#!$" (Hm, it's a tough call, but...)_ Felix rubbed his chin and pointed to the right. _"!% &!%%@$@@$&@&!$*!%$&@%!%**!^#!$$!%" (I'm gonna say the girl in the pink low-cut top.)_

 _"$@@**@" (Really?)_ Qbert raised his thin eyebrows. _"@**%@#@$$^@$@!%$ &@&!@^!$&$&@#!&$@##@@$#" (All my bets were on the guy with the big red beard.)_

Felix laughed. _"!$@**@!!^ &@$%@$$%@$^&!@^@$*!$@$$&!$^!**&@^@$!$@*@@$^!&!&^&@$@^@$*!#&$!@%#*@#$!%*$&@!$&@$^@%$$$&@%$!" (I tell you what, partner. Whoever loses this will have to take a swig of whatever kid-friendly drink the other wants them to.)_

 _"@^@%! &!$$%!**" (Even if it's milk?)_ Qbert mused, grinning at him. 

Felix felt his stomach churn a moment then looked him dead in the eye. _"#$!% &!$!%" (...Bring it on.)  _

From that point on in the evening, whenever Felix wandered anywhere near the card table, Qbert would randomly check on him.

 _" &@@&@*!^#!@!!&@^@@%@$!$$!@$!%@!!" (Hey, Felix, do you have any tissues on you?) _he asked once.

Felix nodded. _"!$@#*!%!#!" (I reckon I do.)_

_" &!!##@!$@@!!$@&!%%@%@@#$&@%^&@%@!!$$@$$#$@!%&!^@$@!!$*!$$" (Good, 'cause you're gonna need them when you start crying over your loss.)_

_"! &%!$!$@!!@$@$&@!%@^&!!$&!!%&$!#@*!$!%&" (Oh, no sir, _you _are the one who is going to be losing,)_ Felix clarified, though his roommate didn't seem to buy it. 

_"%% &%" (Mmhm.)_

Just then, he felt a hearty slap on the back.

"How's it hanging, shortstack?'

"Hey, Calhoun! Y'all enjoying the party?" he asked, turning to her and her new boyfriend.

"Like a tiger enjoys a mid-morning swim," she replied. Felix grinned and turned to Brad.

"Don't you just love when she speaks in metaphor?" he whispered, and he nodded, smiling just as widely.

"What's that, now? I won't have you boys jibber-jabbering behind my back," Calhoun spoke up, hands on her hips.

"Her commanding tone's not so bad, either," Brad whispered back, winking. 

"Oh, yes. You've got yourself a great woman, fella."

"Ah, I've had enough of this. I'm off to get a drink. Brad, you may or may not join me," Calhoun said, walking off. Brad gave Felix a friendly nod before running to catch up with her and Felix looked fondly after him. He couldn't have asked for a better man for a woman he still cared for deeply. 

Ralph and Vanellope came back with cups of orange juice - non-alcoholic, they promised. Felix thought about finding Qbert but then saw him happily playing cards with his friends Sam and Coily, so he left him to it. The three of them went upstairs. After all, neither of them really knew what it looked like, so they were curious. Felix would remember himself, but he was hammered last time. Not to mention mostly trapped in a closet. Land, he was _not_ looking forward to recalling any of this.

He walked through the door frame to one of the open bedrooms and nearly jumped fifty feet - "Woah, my God!" - for there, just in front of his feet, lie Turbo, eyes closed and breathing slowly. He picked up his wrist to feel for a pulse. "Is he – is he dying?"

"I sure _hope_ so," Vanellope not-so-secretly whispered under her breath. Felix glared at her and she gave him a look back. "What? Oh come on, of _course_ he's not dying, genius, he's just _passed out._ Yeesh!"

"She's right," Ralph reaffirmed, picking up a few empty bottles of beer nearby. "Man, if only we'd been around by his second or third. Then we could see him make a complete ass of himself." The two of them burst into laughter.

"Oh, stop it you two, be serious," Felix pouted, sitting on the floor and folding his arms. 

"What's with you, anyway?" Vanellope said, raising an eyebrow. She tugged on Ralph's overalls. "Hey Chumbo, will you tell your person of interest he's being ridiculous?"

"He's right. I mean, _you're_ right. We shouldn't be laughing about this," he said, crouching beside Felix. "He really is gonna be okay, though, alright? He'll wake up stoned and hungover, like they always do." Felix bit his lip, wanting to believe him. Ralph leaned in close. "I promise," he whispered. Felix looked up then and saw nothing but the earnest eyes that crowded his vision. At last, he believed.

The four of them sat and chatted on the bed for a while and Felix eventually relaxed, though he would occasionally sneak a glance at Turbo's unconscious form. 

Ralph was just laughing at a joke Vanellope made when he gave Felix a friendly clap on the back. "I'll go get you another orange juice," he said, leaving the room and holding Vanellope's hand. 

"Thank you," Felix called after him. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched Turbo, who appeared to be in a deep sleep. Even if he would wake up by morning, like Ralph said, he still couldn't help but think it may be somewhat his fault he got this out of hand. He dangled his toes over the floor, swaying them back and forth. Turbo grunted and moved on top of them. Whoops!

Felix tried to gently ease them out from under him when Turbo suddenly grabbed them in one hand and sat up, eyes very much awake and clouded by neither sleep nor drunkenness.

“And now  _you,”_  he whispered so only the two of them could hear. Felix watched in horror as his thumb pressed hardly on his belly button, the rest of his hand trying to unzip his pants while his other still held his toes. Felix jumped and kicked Turbo in the leg, trying to fight him off. He grunted in pain then reached up and slapped Felix in the face. “You’ll pay for that,” he hissed. Felix could feel him getting closer, could smell the alcohol in his breath.

“Help! Help! HELP!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs, gasping for the air that had left them, knowing his voice would die at any minute.

 _“Get off him!”_ The room shook as though thunder had cracked and large fingers pried Turbo loose from a now-trembling Felix to throw him against the wall. Frightened, but not winded, Turbo bolted out the door. Luckily, Calhoun and Brad also happened to run by at the moment. "Don't let him get away!" Ralph told them and they nodded, sprinting after him. 

Felix, meanwhile, couldn't even speak. All the fight that had been in him drained all at once and he simply collapsed to the floor, shaking and sobbing. "Felix?" Ralph asked, soft, concerned. He could hear him sitting beside him, feel a giant hand on his back trying to soothe him. “Get help immediately,” he said to Vanellope. Her footsteps ran quickly to the nearest phone source. 

Students started to crowd around the doorway, hands covering their mouths in shock.

"What happened?"

"Is he alright?"

"Do we need to call 911?"

Nobody answered any of them. Instead, Felix felt himself being picked up off the floor by careful arms which sat him up and cradled his head to their chest. He didn't even know who it was at this point. All he knew, as far as his forcibly-shut eyes could tell, was that he was surrounded by a darkness which was warm and enveloped him to a near point of claustrophobia. He grabbed it with desperation that it would not attack him the way he'd just been attacked, not trusting but pleading, though it was only ever gentle. And yet, despite it, he couldn't calm his breathing and was growing lightheaded fast.

The last thing Felix could remember were the sounds of sirens and warm, safe arms holding him before he blacked out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off a frightening dream I've had but luckily never experienced.
> 
> Frankly, the fact this is real and happens is just revolting.


	16. Year Two: So Long, Turbo

When Felix woke up in the hospital, he wondered why his eyes weren't still wet from crying. Then he realized he'd been passed out until 10 AM the next morning. He looked around with a sad smile at the familiarity. There was the pot of flowers. There was the drawn curtains and IV on standby. And there was the nurse coming in to check on him.

"You have a visitor, Mr. McBrayer, if you would care to see him." For a moment, a chill went down his spine at the thought of having to see _him,_ the guy he thought he could trust, but then he caught sight of the towering shadow and relaxed immediately.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

She nodded and walked out while said-figure walked in, running a hand through his distressed hair. Felix gasped upon seeing how baggy his eyes looked, how deep the lines in his face were. "Did you sleep at all?" he whispered.

Ralph shook his head. "How could I?" He smiled, though it was uneasy. "My best friend was in the hospital again." He sat in the chair next to his bed, looking so utterly in pain it was unbearable.

Felix opened his mouth to speak. "Ralph, I am so sorry I-"

"No," he interrupted, "I'm the one who should be sorry. None of this would've happened if I hadn't left you alone with that _dirty bastard-"_ He paused, and here Felix could sense the true hatred in his voice emphasized by his trembling fists before he continued, "but I would've felt even more like an idiot if he got any further than he did. They carried out an investigative report after you were hospitalized and found a bunch of Z-drugs in his possession that he would've used if you fought him off. Felix...it's a miracle you're still even _alive."_

Felix swallowed back his tears, not wanting to believe any of it, because it was just so incredibly _sad._ How could this be the same quirky kid he befriended earlier this year and joked around and sometimes shared secrets with? Why would Turbo want to hurt him? Did he even know he was? He wished to God he had at least been drunk, but no - the truth was in his eyes that night. He felt entitled to his body.

Ralph slowly reached out and tapped on his shoulder, taking care not to frighten him. "May I hug you?" Felix nodded. Ralph would never hurt him, ever. He knew that now. Especially since the warmth in his arms felt awfully familiar. He gasped silently and squeezed him back. _It was you._

After, Ralph refused to stop watching him for even a moment. "What do you need? Anything?"

"Ralph, I'm fine," Felix laughed, oddly touched at the sight of their personalities being reversed. "I mean, I'm not _fine,_  of course, but I'm alive." 

The taller one nodded, shoulders lowering from his ears.

Felix winced in thought. "Has everyone heard about the incident already?"

"Pretty much the whole school, yeah," Ralph said, "But there are a lot of people that are behind you one hundred percent, so Turbo will be expelled real soon."

"That's good to hear," Felix sighed, patting his hand.

"'Good'? It's  _great._  We'll finally be rid of that guy."

"Right, but you know, he was my  _friend_  before any of this happened," he reminded him. He stared at the empty doorway. "I never thought..." 

"I know..." Ralph agreed, not finding a suitable way to complete his sentence either. Because of this, he settled for holding Felix's hand instead. Felix accepted it, smiling, and he rubbed his thumb gingerly across the back.  _“This_ has been an exciting year," he spoke up after a while.

"Tell me about it," Felix laughed. Typical Ralph - making him laugh when he thought he'd forget how. 

There was another knock on the door and a redhead peeked around the corner. Delighted, Felix welcomed him in. He walked slowly until he was standing in the middle of the floor. 

 _" &@@" (Hey,)_ Qbert greeted. _"$!%@!$ &@$!&!$^!%$&@$#@$!$^@$$&@$#$@^%@&!@^&!$!%$$&@$#&!!*%@^$%@%@$" (So, neither of us won that bet. It was the scrawny guy who runs the school newspaper.)_

 _"! &#!!$$@!$$@*^@@$$&@*!&&$^@!&&$$^&@$^@$!$&!%*!%&" (Of course! It's always the lightweights. What was I thinking?)_ Felix groaned, laughing. Qbert laughed too, though Felix could tell he was feeling quite concerned. 

_"# &$!$$%@%!%*!$$&*@#@!!$@!*@@" (Christ, man. I'm just glad you're okay.)_

Felix nodded and held his arms out and Qbert dove in for a hug. He was another person he could trust. And Vanellope and Calhoun, he could trust them too. They were the next people to walk in and hug him. 

"I dunno exactly what happened, but I do know Turbo's a jerk and you didn't deserve it," Vanellope whispered in one ear.

"When I get ahold of that guy, I'm gonna kick his ass to Jupiter and back," Calhoun whispered in the other.

Felix smiled, patting them each on the back. "Thanks, y'all."

Calhoun raised an eyebrow. "You seem awful cheerful for a guy who went through Hell."

"How can I not be?" Felix shrugged. "My friends are all here and they love me."

"Got _that_ right," Vanellope laughed, diving in for another hug. The other three joined in. Felix had never felt happier to be unable to breathe in all his life.

~

As it turned out, the case was not only campuswide: it also counted as a criminal charge. Felix hadn't the slightest idea why. Sure, he was _nearly_ assaulted, but that didn't count towards life imprisonment, did it? Why, he'd heard horrifying stories about people who actually became victims, and not nearly enough of them got the help they needed to _this_ extent. He should know - he met up with a group every weekend leading up to the court hearing. As terrifying and lonely this all was, he was glad he at least had these meetings to look forward to.

He couldn't have asked for better friends, either. Some of the students at Litwak didn't believe this happened and thought Felix might be making it all up to call attention to himself. Some even told him he was "asking for it", considering he was alone in the same room as a drunk guy. These same students would follow him around endlessly, trying to provoke something out of him. Finally, Felix turned around one day and said, "Hey, now, just because you can't see my scars doesn't mean they're not there. And if this is how you treat anyone who's brave enough to come to you with personal problems, then Lord, I feel sorry for you." Ralph, Qbert, Vanellope, and Calhoun overheard him and were so proud they took him to Peter Pepper's for dinner every night and never let him pay the bill. 

True to Ralph's word, a lot more students and teachers showed Felix their support, whether by texting him or walking up to him in class and saying they believed him. Vanellope even took a picture of Felix and his support group for Yearbook Club and the School Newspaper, to their request, and they got a designated spot in each. If Felix decided something back in the hospital, it was that he wasn't going to be quiet about any of this. People had already seen his defeated form; now he wanted them to see it stand tall. 

He stood tall at the hearing for Turbo's expulsion when he was absolutely _terrified_ on the inside that they were in the same conference room together. He stood tall when his friends acted as a buffer on both sides, protecting him. He stood tall when Ralph told them word for word what he witnessed, along with the actions he took. He stood tall when he explained what happened to himself, connecting to Ralph's story. He stood tall when Qbert, Vanellope, and Calhoun explained what happened from their viewpoints, each connecting to Ralph's story as well. He stood tall when Turbo didn't have sufficient evidence, whether by lying or stubbornly refusing to give information. He stood tall when President Stan Litwak and Vice-President Juliette Engels declared Turbo to be officially expelled from Litwak University and sent him to pack his things. He stood tall when he and his friends told the same stories in court. He stood tall when Turbo still didn't have sufficient evidence. He stood tall when Turbo was convicted for attempted rape and taller when they found out he possessed drugs in his dorm room, placing him in jail for fifteen total years. He stood tall when his true friends cheered from among the jury and he realized he didn't consider him a friend anymore. 

And when Turbo cheekily asked him if he had any last words as he was being dragged to his jail cell, he stood tall and replied, "So long, Turbo."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, goodbye and good riddance!
> 
> Now for Year Three~


	17. Year Three: Oh, Waiter!

Felix learned from last summer about spending more time with his college friends. His mother and father were hesitant at first, but after he convinced them he would still be able to keep the ranch and carpenter business up and running, they let him schedule hang-outs with Vanellope, Calhuon, Brad, and Qbert. The only person he never saw, much to his dismay, was Ralph, although he had a very good reason not to show up. For one thing, his gap year program had given him a generous offer of backpacking in Europe with all expenses paid. For another, he, Zangief, Saitine, and several of his other wrestling friends went to wrestling camp. They did exchange enthusiastic texts and calls, though, so that was great.

In mid-July, Qbert very nicely offered to let him stay with him and his folks to which Felix said yes. Convincing his parents to let him go was _definitely_ a lot more difficult, but very much worth it. Mr. and Mrs. Bertram never let Felix do any of the household chores, even when he felt compelled to. He was staying for free, after all. They were very nice about it, however, and told him his company was their payment since he was a really sweet guy.

It was certainly great catching up with Qbert again - getting to eat, shop, go to the beach, and sleep in his room with him. He was quite happy to be with his friend, to feel their bond strengthening with time spent together rather than waning the way some friendships might. But sometimes they'd sit side by side at the beach in solemn silence as the sand covered their toes, thinking about all the times they missed out on each other's company throughout sophomore year and Alan. Yes, they thought about him too. Neither ever had to mention his name, and neither ever did - the darkness in their eyes was enough. He seemed a treasurer of time at first then turned out to be a thief. The sand was their hourglass, and the ocean washed it away. But there was that one time, when the dune grass stopped waving in the cold, cold breeze and the white sun peeked out from among the clouds. The two of them looked at each other and watched as the darkness fell away for a fleeting moment. He stole their time; now he had all the time he wanted someplace far from here.

The great thing about Qbert's location was that it was right near both Litwak University and Tapper's, so Felix decided to apply for a job at the latter. He had to be of _some_ use to _somebody,_ or he'd go insane - it's just how he was. The owner, Tony, called him back just a few hours after his interview and told him he not only enjoyed their chat and already hired him but would actually like to have a root beer with him sometime, just because he was so personable. Felix laughed and thanked him, saying he would be there first thing tomorrow morning to start work.

Working as a waiter at Tapper's was beneficial in more ways then one. Although his future career in Construction Engineering would no doubt bring him money, he figured it would be a good idea to get some experience firsthand. It certainly provided excellent side money. Besides, he liked this job. He could chat with the customers in-between getting them his favorite drink, root beer floats.

Felix was wiping down table tops one day - the last day before classes would begin again, to be exact - when he stopped in the middle of it. By this time tomorrow, his summer job would be over. Land, he would miss it here! It seemed like every day had an interesting story to tell, whether it was the customer who traveled from afar just to ask for a napkin or the jukebox playing a song everyone loved and danced to. Perhaps he could reapply next summer, he conceded, as he finished wiping the tables and tied his apron back around his waist.

"Excuse me, sir," a familiar voice called, "but would you mind refilling this glass for me?" Felix turned around to see Ralph sitting at a table, lifting his root beer glass and looking at him with a toothy grin. 

"Ralph!" He ran over and threw his arms around him. "I'm so glad to see you, buddy!" Ralph was a big man, and whenever Felix hugged him in the past, he felt as though he could sink comfortably into his stomach, but now it was rock hard. "...My, look how _different_ you've gotten. Did you build up over the summer?"

"I made the Division I Wrestling Team with Zangief and Saitine this year, so yeah. We're also looking toward becoming heavy-weight champions."

"That's so great," Felix said, out of breath, "that's so great, I always love hearing what you're up to. Oh, and you've started growing a beard! How adorable!"

"You really like it?" Ralph scratched at it a little. "I've already gotten a request from Vanellope to shave it off."

"Ah, she doesn't know what she's talking about," Felix dismissed, waving a hand. He let Ralph laugh out loud at his admittedly unexpected sassiness before he continued, "Besides, with your checkered shirt and overalls, it gives you that lumberjack look, which is really hot." Keep in mind, he was half-lying on top of him in a booth as he was saying this, which certainly wasn't helping matters.

Nor did it help when Ralph replied, "You've got a smoking look, yourself. I'm digging that waist apron." He twisted the strings in the back with his fingers teasingly before whispering, "God, you're so tan. Are those blonde highlights natural?"

"Qbert and I got a lot of sun at the beach this summer," Felix whispered back.

"Wish I could've been there."

"I wish you could too."

Felix glanced over him. "Jiminy jaminy, Ralph. Backpacking made you a stud."

"The beach made you a supermodel."

"I like these changes."

"I like 'em too."

As each spoke, their heads leaned more and more forward, and Felix could feel them both sinking further and further into the cushions of the booth. The sunlight from the window was warm on his back, though not as warm as his face was at the thought of their lips meeting soon...

"Hey Ralphy, I've got my suitcase outside if you wanna help me move - woah, okay! I am interrupting a moment!" Vanellope jumped back, putting her hands up, just as the two were about to kiss, with Felix's waist trapped beneath Ralph's arm and a small hand placed on his chest.

"You sure are," Ralph snarled.

"Riiiiight. Well, I'll be outside if ya need me!" She gave a sheepish grin and bounded off and Felix couldn't help but chuckle a little. He turned back to Ralph, who was beet-faced more out of embarrassment than anger. Finally, he sighed.

"Augh, dammit. I better help her, or I'll never hear the end of it." He ran a hand down his face. "See, I would've gotten Calhoun or Brad to do it, but they decided to go out on a picnic together at the last minute."

"That's alright," Felix said, nodding. "It's a lovely day for a picnic."

Ralph smiled, showing his signature gap. "Welcome back, Felix."

Felix returned his smile. "Welcome back to you too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, no doubt about it -
> 
> You're all gonna love this year. X3


	18. Year Three: The Sweetest Gift

Ralph's school was hosting an open studio event soon, where students and faculty would be able to see what all the artists of Litwak University have been working on. This is why almost every day after class for the past few weeks, whenever Ralph wasn't at the studio working on something top-secret even to Felix, he would go to the nearby museum and take copious notes on the exhibition layout designs. Felix, of course, happily tagged along. How could he not? His closest friend was excited about something, making him excited too. 

"Oh, wow, look at _that_ one," he pointed out to Ralph, looking at the small and large framed paintings lined up like a mosaic. 

Ralph scratched his chin. "Hm, well, it's not really my style, but I think you're onto something with the moving wall." Then he smiled, and _Land_ he was so cute with the not-quite beard and flat cap on his head. All he needed now was a pair of thick glasses - then Felix would surely be in trouble. "I just feel like it's not exactly the right display, though, you know?"

Of course! Gee, what was Felix thinking? His mind immediately raced back to a time when he hardly even knew Ralph, the quiet groundskeeper who kept to himself. Though at the same time, he knew there was just something _fascinating_ about him, especially when he made that duck out of a line of shrubs and several more animals around campus over the weeks that people would stop to check out. Of course he would make something magnanimous and spontaneous, too much for a simple wall. What he _really_ needed was...

"Say, how about this?" He gestured at a whole floor covered in white laminate pedestals, each of a different height with sculptures on top. Ralph slowly flipped his notebook open. 

"Simple, yet elegant, not too overly neat, and-" His eyes widened. "Allows for the crowd to move around and see it from all different angles! Lixie, that's brilliant!" He cheered loudly and collected Felix in his arms, tossing him up into the air and catching him again, laughing breathlessly. "Did anyone ever tell you you're a fucking genius?"

"Did you...call me Lixie?" was all Felix could manage, heart pounding too hard in his ears to hear much else.

Ralph pulled back a little. "Oh, shit, was that weird? I'm sorry. I just thought-"

"Ralph." Felix wrapped his arms around his neck. "I love it." His own face burned at his sudden forwardness, but he continued, "I love it so much. And I love-" No. He couldn't. This was too perfect. Ralph looked too stunning with his hazel-brown eyes and messy hair peeking out from under his cap. Someone or something was bound to interrupt them soon. "Spending time with you," he finished weakly.

"Me too. With you, I mean," Ralph quickly corrected, and Felix giggled. "So this means I can keep calling you Lixie?"

"As long as I can keep calling you Ralphy, _Ralphy,"_ Felix teased. Then he poked his nose and broke free from his grasp, running away as fast as he could. For he knew his friend would not be far behind, and he would just hate to stick around for the consequences.

~

"No fair! You're much taller than me!" Felix laughed until he cried as he was held hostage in the grassy backyard of the museum and mercilessly tickled.

"Yeah, well, that's what you get for running away," Ralph chuckled. Then he relented and helped his poor counterpart off the ground, giving him a toothy grin. "So! Now that you've been properly punished, wanna go to the art studio with me?"

"Hmm...well, the way you attacked me was rather rude," Felix fake-pouted.

"Come on! You can't stay mad at _me,"_ Ralph reasoned, and Felix sighed inwardly, for he was right. 

"Alright. But then you have to help me with American Sign Language practice later."

"Done."

"What's the hap, chaps?" Vanellope greeted with a mock-British accent, using her finger as a mustache. 

Felix brushed himself off and pointed behind him. "It seems our friend, here, has a propensity for ruthless tickling."

"Oh, _really?"_ She raised an amused eyebrow. "Must mean he's the same way, right?"

"What? No way," Ralph dismissed, waving a hand. "You couldn't tickle me with a pepper shaker and a feather."

"Is that a _challenge,_ Ralphy?" Vanellope took slow, deliberate steps towards him.

"Certainly _sounds_ like one, doesn't it?" Felix agreed, following suit. At which point, Ralph began to look a little nervous.

"No, guys. Vanellope, come on." Vanellope removed his sandals as he was saying this. "No, God, please! _Don't,"_ he laughed, but it was too late. Both Vanellope and Felix sent him tumbling backwards into the grass and tickled him as hard and fast as they could.

~

"Okay, now _that_ wasn't fair," Ralph said later, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye as the three of them made their way back to the university.

Vanellope scoffed. "How?"

"It was two against one! Everyone knows that's not fair."

"Yeah, but we're way smaller than you. You could've just flopped over and tickled us both no problem."

 _"Maybe,_ if I weren't so busy laughing like a maniac." He rolled his eyes, grinning. "Felix had ahold of my ribs. That's, like, the worst spot for me."

"You have no idea how great it was to find that out. As soon as I even _touched_ them, you started dying," Felix giggled.

Ralph narrowed his eyes playfully. "Yeah, well I know where _you're_ most ticklish too."

"I hardly think so," Felix teased, though he knew he'd laughed the loudest when Ralph's fingers touched the soles of his feet. "Anyway, you can't stay mad at _me."_

"Maybe not," Ralph agreed, "but you better watch your back next time, Lixie!"

"You as well, Ralphy!"

The two of them laughed and elbowed each other all the way to the university and Vanellope smiled, shaking her head. "Well, _this_  just got a hundred percent corny."

~

When they got back, Ralph invited Vanellope to go to the studio with them too, but she said she had to take some pictures for the yearbook and bounded off. Felix grinned. Classic Vanellope. She was already the president of both the Yearbook and Debate Club; it was only a matter of time before she became president of everything else. Either way, she had his vote.

Ralph saw someone standing by the door and immediately grinned. "Zangief? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Just seeing what my pal was up to, but apparently you were out!"

They laughed and patted each other on the back. "The windows are blacked out for a reason, dumbass," Ralph continued, eyes shining. "Professor Maketrax didn't want anyone looking in to see all the upcoming exhibits."

"Yes, well now you're taking me and your boyfriend in to see them, so it all works out! Haha!"

"I told you, he's not my boyfriend," Ralph mumbled, red-faced, as his pal snickered. 

"Don't worry. I'll start placing bets," Zangief whispered not-so-secretly to Felix, who only chuckled. Ralph, on the other hand, seemed to take offense. "Hey!" He mock-chased Zangief inside the studio and Felix followed after them. The indoors certainly looked busy, with all its works in progress and yellow caution tape.

Zangief posed in front of an empty canvas in Ralph's corner. “Ooh, Ralph, paint me like one of your French girls,” he smirked, fluttering his eyelashes.

“Shut up, you,” Ralph laughed, giving him a shove. He directed his attention to Felix, gesturing at all his artwork. "So, what do you think?"

"Oh. Well, I..." Felix's hand flew up to his chin, admittedly caught off-guard

Ralph's head lowered. "Dreadful, isn't it?"

"What? But I don't understand," Felix began, and he really couldn't. After all, here in front of him were paintings and models of destroyed buildings, each calling out to him with their rich red and brown tones; their jagged shapes and rough brick-like textures; their burn marks and the most realistic, meticulously-detailed rubble he had ever seen. 

"No, you're right. I've had a couple weeks to put this together but I put it off like an idiot, and at the very last minute, this was the only thing I could think of." It was at this moment Felix took a closer look at his baggy eyes and taut face, revealing weeks of hunger and sleeplessness. "Look at it, it's disgusting! All the colors are off, none of the buildings have enough texture, heck, some of 'em aren't even the right proportions! It's just...sloppy."

"I thought that was your style," Zangief piped up, to which Felix nodded. 

"Well, yeah, but," Ralph rubbed the back of his neck, getting more and more upset. "That doesn't mean I don't appreciate classic beauty, too. Look at  _these_  guys. They know beauty." He gestured at the other exhibits, with colors that popped and lines that were straight, and groaned, pinching his nose. "I'm sorry...can you both just leave? I don't want anyone to be around when I lose it." 

Zangief nodded, saying something about how he'd meet him back at their dorm later before patting him on the shoulder real quick and leaving. Felix, on the other hand, didn't want to go just yet. He watched his friend kneel on the ground and withdraw into himself.

"Ralph?" he tried carefully. Ralph's shoulders only rose up and down. Then he closed his eyes and began destroying some of his artwork. 

Felix's eyes widened. “Ralph, what’s the matter?”

“It doesn’t look right. None of it does!” His rage was violent, paintings torn and buildings smashed with such deliberateness that even Felix nearly shook in his shoes, but then he stood his ground and growled. Remember earlier what was said about the McBrayer family and tiger cubs? Well, the cat was officially unleashed.

“Now, you listen to me, mister! You’re one of the most talented artists I know! And I'm not just saying this because I'm cuckoo crazy.” _For you._  "I'm saying this because I ain't never seen a man so dedicated to his work in all my life! If staying up until the earlier hours of morning and skipping meals and continually visiting the museum for inspiration doesn't scream passion, I certainly don't know what does! And all these buildings you just destroyed? They were magnificent! I tell you, I've never seen anything more evocative in all my life, or felt like I could reach out and touch it! Do you know how many artists would kill for your painstaking attention to detail?"

Ralph stopped yelling then and stopped - dead _stopped_ \- in the middle of his path of destruction. Felix kept his hands on his hips. "Well, now, what do you have to say for yourself?" His voice was calmer this time, but only because he was breathing so heavily.

"Your eyes are so blue," Ralph whispered, stepping slowly towards him. Felix felt his breath hitch as a large hand traced his cheek and dark eyes surveyed him in thought. "I don't even know if I have the paint that could capture it, but it would be...an interesting challenge." He withdrew his hand after a few more seconds of observation and stood back. "Get out," he told him kindly.  _Lovingly?_  "I have some work to do."

~

Three days later, Felix and Vanellope were walking with the other students and faculty toward the art studio. 

"Boy, I haven't seen Ralph since we last went to the museum together. Did you break him, or something?"  

"Trust me, Nellie, he'll be here," Felix said, though even now he wasn't sure. He hadn't seen his friend since he last kicked him out of the art studio. Heck, he hadn't even responded to the various calls and texts Felix sent him. Maybe he was truly comatose and nobody knew it yet.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Members of the Litwak community and Route 83 Area art critics and gallery owners," said Professor Maketrax. "I give you the Litwak School of Art Open Studio Event!" Applause followed after that and the professor opened the door for everyone to walk inside. 

"You nervous?" Felix could hear a guy asking.

"Well, yeah, I mean, I spent almost all of fall semester working on this, so I hope nothing goes wrong. I'm more worried about what the art critics have to say, though," the girl he was talking to admitted.

"Yeah, me too." The guy rubbed his neck. "I heard our dean gives the toughest feedback. I hope _he's_ not here." Then Gene the Dean walked past with his starched grey suit and umbrella cane, causing them both to shiver. The anxiousness of the art students pervaded the air for reasons other than the fact Gene was here, though, and Felix couldn't help but wonder if Ralph was feeling the same.

Felix stopped and observed some of the other students' art for a while. He had to admit, many of these pieces were marvelous, though it wasn't as if he were seeing anything new. One canvas appeared after the next, with colors and lines so similar Felix might report plagiarism if he didn't know any better. All modern art was just a copy of the next, right? That's what Felix thought; then he got to Ralph's corner and was immediately greeted with blue, blue, and more blue! The whole corner looked to be splattered entirely with blue paint, with a bucket tipped over to give it that effect. The canvases were each tilted, with messy still lifes of blue flowers and an abstract yet very familiar form of a dancer leaping across. On the wall were words made of neon lights that read 'Blue Is A Happy Color' with an ocean wave made out of metal beneath it almost as if to emphasize, and on the ceiling was a very detailed capture of an eye. Broken pieces of a blue guitar were littered all over the floor, and there, standing right in the center, was Ralph. 

"Please don't say anything stupid," Vanellope mumbled under her breath.

"Hey, uh, welcome to my exhibit! You can see this is the name of it, heh." Ralph pointed at the words behind him then continued, "And the inspiration behind this motif is that I used to think blue was a pretty sad and depressing color, like most people probably do." There were some laughs at that. "It's like 'The Old Guitarist', right? But then a really good friend of mine reminded me of all the ways blue can be beautiful. It's the color of hydrangeas and oceans and sometimes eyes, especially when they're at their fiercest. Then the color _really_ pops." And Felix gasped, for he realized the eye on the ceiling was actually his. "So go ahead, look around, touch all the exhibits. Who knows? Maybe you'll take some blue with you."

Immediately after, pens began to click.

"How reckless," he could hear one of the critics saying, "almost like it was put together in less than a day! And yet, how fascinating because of it."

"You'd think that one color would get monotonous after awhile, but there's something majestic about blue."

"Did you see both his hands and feet were wrapped? He must've gone all out on that guitar!"

"Inspired!"

Vanellope nodded, walking up to him. "Hey, I'm impressed, stinkbrain. You sounded kinda intelligent, for a change."

"Thanks, boogerface! And you sounded a little less insulting." He gave her a friendly noogie. Then, turning to his other friend, "So, what do you think?"

Felix could only stare for a while, but his legs started moving eventually. As he approached Ralph, his eyes grew fierce again, though unlike the one on the ceiling, they were filled with unshed tears. "Ralph, without a doubt," he paused to wipe his nose, "this is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."

His tall best friend grinned toothily. "I was looking for a critique, but that'll do."

"Oh, you-!" Felix laughed, throwing his arms around him. Now, more than ever, he wished he were a critic or museum owner instead of an aspiring construction engineer. Because even though he knew it wouldn't be realistic for someone to tell Ralph his artwork outshone all the rest and deserved many awards or beg him to sell it to a nearby gallery, Felix wanted to be the one to do it anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, they lurve each other! :3
> 
> Now there's just the matter of them saying it aloud...


	19. Year Three: Another Wild Party

Wow. When everyone said junior year was difficult, they sure weren’t kidding. Why, Felix still hardly knew how he made it through junior year of high school, with his all-honors classes and theater and track commitments and full-time work on the ranch. He couldn’t even believe all that was four years ago! Goodness, he was getting old.

Anyway, Felix just wasn’t sure if he should go to the party that Peach, Calhoun, and the other sorority girls were hosting tonight. Old habits died hard, and who knew, he might really embarrass himself this time. Plus, he had already promised Nolan, the American Sign Language teacher, that he would help tutor the other struggling students.

In the end, he decided to go. He loved parties! Calhoun and Peach were his friends, too, and they were graduating this year. Who knew when he might see them again? Qbert had already even volunteered to take Felix's place for tutoring tonight since he didn't like parties as much - not that Felix would _ever_ understand why, when there was so much music and interesting social scenes, but he appreciated it anyway, and offered to bake him a cherry pie the next morning as a gesture. Qbert rolled his eyes and smiled, telling him he had to make it back alive first, and Felix laughed. Ah, classic Qbert.

There was just one goal he needed to remember, and that goal was not getting drunk. Sure, he would be twenty-one in May, and none of his friends would care, but that was almost six months from now, and Felix just happened to be friends with a bunch of easygoing people, unlike his own slightly-neurotic personality. So what?

"Hey, why so quiet, Wyatt?" Vanellope elbowed his ribs. "You sick, or something?"

"Huh? No, I was just thinking," Felix told his replacement-party companion as they walked to the sorority building together that night. As much as he loved Vanellope, he did miss Qbert a bit. He wouldn't mind his unusual silence. He would actually  _welcome_ it, he thought with a smile.

"Hell- _o,_ Earth to Earless! You're doing it again~" Vanellope sang. She jerked her head and grinned. "Care to tell me what you were thinking and break this God-forsaken silence? Unless, of course, it's about Foundations of Chemistry, ‘cause in which case, I am not interested.”

“Oh, I know, that class is so demanding,” Felix agreed. He should know – the two of them sat at the same table near Ralph and Zangief and even _then_ they couldn't talk to each other because they were so busy working. Plus, Gene taught the class.  “I just hope everything goes well tonight and I don’t make a fool of myself or get expelled more than halfway into my college career,” he said, finally. “You know, there’s a reason I never told you and Ralph last time about what happened freshman year.”

"Yeah, that's right, you didn't!" She tilted her head. "So...why not?"

“Well, for one thing, I assumed you’d find the pictures all over social media,” he emphasized with a nervous laugh, “and for two, I didn’t want you guys thinking about me any differently than you do now, especially when something makes me act a, ahem, certain way.”

“You got drunk?!” Vanellope cried, throwing her hands up. “Aw, man, now I’m really curious to know what happened!” And Felix swore, his face had never been more red.

“Please don’t tell Ralph.”

“Tell me what?” Ralph asked from behind them, having just caught up. Vanellope only laughed and leaned an elbow on his rib.

“Boy, Chumbo, are you in for a _story.”_

“No! Absolutely not! I mean,” Felix cleared his throat, “not tonight. Sorry, I don’t know what got into me just then.”

Ralph and Vanellope only looked to each other in wonder.

Thank goodness, before they could ask anything, the Sober Monitor guy opened the door for them. 

"Yo, Felix! Gimme five, man!" Felix did so, a grin on his face. "You guys enjoy the party, alright?"

"We will, thank you!" Felix called over his shoulder as the three of them entered the building. Once again, Ralph and Vanellope looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation as to how exactly he got on good terms with a guy who was mean to just about everyone else. For example, right now, when he was yelling at some freshman girls that they were not only outside of Greek Life but also minors who weren't allowed to be there. Felix smiled in their direction, but his eyes read, _I'm warning y'all, now, don't push me._

"Hey, pint-size, glad you could make it!" Calhoun greeted, giving him a hard slap on the back. 

"Hi, Felix! I see you've brought guests!" Peach greeted.

"The more, the better," Felix said, smiling. She giggled and checked off three boxes on her pink clipboard. 

"Let me know if you see Mario, okay? We were supposed to do a karaoke-off with Link and Zelda later tonight."

"Will do!" He gave her a thumbs up and she nodded, walking away. 

 "Walk with me?" Calhoun offered him. He looked around the corner to see if Ralph and Vanellope were waiting for him and found them occupied by table tennis instead, so he nodded. The two of them made their way through the drunken card players and lyric singers, going nowhere in particular. "So, how goes the dance of the peacock spiders?"

"Dance of the - _oh,"_ Felix said, suddenly remembering how she told him once peacock spiders danced as part of a mating ritual. Ah, Calhoun and her metaphors. "Well, there's hardly any dancing at the moment. I'm pretty sure Ralph and I are just friends."

"Ah, don't give me that," she dismissed. "Brad and I both know you two have been looking all googly-eyed at each other, as of late. Heck, he was doing it way before _you."_ A smirk crosses her reddish-black lips. "I didn't just break up with you because of Brad, you know."

"You know, you scare me sometimes," Felix laughed. Then, "Why, did Ralph say anything about me?"

He thought he could hear her whisper "Pathetic" under her breath, but he wasn't too sure. "Only that you're the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful and reliable person he knows and that he wishes you would realize how much you mean to him."

His face paled. "When did he-?"

"Two years ago over the summer when we became friends, last year while he was sitting in the hospital waiting room and worrying his brains out over you – all the freaking time!"

The room began to spin real fast, and they weren't even drinking. "You seriously didn't know?"

He couldn't even answer her, his mouth was so agape. "Ralph... _he-?"_ He shook his head, smiling. "It's funny. I thought _I_ was the one who was more infatuated."

"Please. With a big sappy heart like his? He didn't even stand a chance," Calhoun snickered. "He was probably in love the first moment he lay eyes on you."

'In love.' Now _there_ was a phrase Felix never thought he would associate with Ralph in his lifetime. Before he'd first gotten to know him, he spent months on end chasing after the shroud of mystery that surrounded him, led by his own insatiable curiosity and need for tied ends. Then they did get to know each other that winter and became great friends from that point until sophomore year. That’s when things got a little less ordinary. Felix grew attracted to Ralph, and he found out Ralph was attracted to him in return, not that he had an idea what any of it meant. For all he knew, they could've just been noticing how good-looking each other was, as is sometimes typical when two people spend a lot of time together. But Felix never could have imagined Ralph would be attracted to him for reasons far beyond the purely physical. He loved Ralph, but _in love?_ That was unexpected; a sanctity among friends; a rarity.

"Felix," Calhoun interrupted his thoughts, using his first name. Another rarity! "Not that it's any of my business, but you know if you don't do something about it, he's never gonna ask, right? He's not that kinda guy."

"Yeah, alright, I reckon I'll think of something," he said.

"Good." She clapped his shoulder. "Try to have some fun tonight, okay? You love parties."

"I know," he said, even as she was already walking away, "I just don't like the way I behave at them."

"Hey, brother! I've got a keg on me. Want some?" the Sober Monitor guy asked, grinning.

Felix shook his head. "Ah, no thank you. We'll just be having some good, clean fun tonight."

His shoulders slumped. "Aw, but you said 'no' _last_ year."

"Sorry, I'm really not old enough."

"Come on, man, don't be a buzzkill all your life. What happened to the guy in here?" He pointed to where his heart was. Then he left, having done his part in tampering with Felix's moral ambiguity for the night.

Felix couldn't see Ralph or Vanellope anywhere, so he sat at one of the tables. It would probably sound silly years from now, but Felix felt like he was going through a mid-life crisis of sorts, only in college. A mid-college crisis. He looked around at the much younger freshmen and sophomores losing themselves to song and dance, thinking,  _Where_ did _the time go?_ And it saddened him, because he didn't want his friends to graduate, or to graduate himself. Sure, he had the goal of becoming a construction engineer and part-time linguist in mind, but think of all the missed opportunities he had to make this the best four years of his life. He should've joined more clubs, studied abroad, lost himself at more parties, asked Ralph on a real date.

He never could have predicted all the obstacles that would come his way. 

~

Felix sorely wished the Sober Monitor guy hadn't made that comment, because when he eventually gave in to peer pressure and had a couple free beers until his head spun from drunkenness, it wasn't the fun kind. It wasn't the kind where he tied a bandana around his head and unbuttoned his shirt and made a few friends on the dance floor. No – Felix was the  _whiny_ drunk. 

"See? I'm fun too!" He said this to no one in particular as he removed a sock from his foot and tossed it behind him.

"What you are is drunk, you idiot," Ralph sighed, catching it. "Come on, we have to get you home."

"No, I don't want to! You can't make me," he pouted, folding his arms.

A slightly amused look crossed his face. "Can't I?" And in one scoop, he had Felix slung over his shoulder. 

"You put me down right _now!"_ he squealed, pounding his shoulder blades with his fists, not that it hurt him very much. Instead of heeding his cry, however, Ralph casually made his way over to the door.

"Pfff, what happened to _him?"_ Vanellope giggled, catching up.

"He's drunk, so I'm taking him back to his dorm. You should go back to yours, too."

She rolled her eyes. "Aw, come on! What are you, my mom?"

"No, but your real one would probably kill me if she knew I left you here alone."

"Fine," she sighed.

The three of them got outside. Felix hadn't the slightest idea what was going on, but Ralph was very warm, so he purred and wrapped an arm around his neck. 

"Oh, sure, _now_ you want to cuddle," Ralph chuckled, "right when we're not in public anymore."

"I have to tell you a secret," Felix yelled almost at the top of his lungs. "You're really hot!"

Vanellope laughed out loud, practically encouraging Felix to go on. "Do you see this guy?" He pointed at Ralph. "Do you see him? I'm gonna make out with him tonight! Best night ever!"

"Ha! Make him say something else!" 

 _"Vanellope!"_ Ralph scolded.

"Aw, no fun." She pouted, then shrugged. "Well, something tells me things are about to get heated, so I'll take that as my cue to leave."

"Things are not-! Need I remind you he's _drunk?"_ Ralph sputtered, face burning.

"So? He could hit on _you,_ you know!"

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen," Ralph called after her. This was right before Felix turned his head and began sniffing his shoulder.

"Mmm, you smell like spring flowers."

Ralph patted his back. "Hey, uh, out of curiosity, how drunk _are_ you?"

"Oh, pish. I'm not _that_ drunk," Felix waved him off. "Just had a few beers, that's all."

"A few?" Ralph gave him a toothy grin. "Try, like, _six."_

"Jiminy jaminy! I just broke my record!"

Felix cheered, and Ralph couldn't help but laugh. "Let's not go beyond that, okay? You've got me worried sick."

"How many can _you_ drink?" Felix asked.

"Oh...I'm not sure I wanna delve into that-"

"You're so strong and manly," he continued, tracing a lazy hand up his neck. "I'll bet you could down a whole keg and still be fine."

"Heh, well," Ralph grew flustered, just like he'd hoped. "Let's just say I made a really bad decision on New Year's Eve and leave it at that."

"Oooh, _scandalous!"_ Felix giggled, hiding his face in his neck. "Mmm, I've always wanted to marry a _bad_ boy."

"Augh, come on," Ralph groaned, and Felix looked up.

"What?"

"We were having such a good conversation, man. You were almost sober, there." 

"But I _am_ sober," Felix whined. "You believe me, don't you?"

"God, I really wish I could," Ralph whispered to himself sadly, though Felix heard him anyway.

"Believe _this,"_ he said, turning his head, and the next three words he whispered in his ear would change the rest of the year - and their lives - forever. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saw WIR is playing on Disney Channel this Friday – 
> 
> Sign me up!


	20. Year Three: Realization & Fight

Felix woke up the next morning with one of the worst headaches he ever experienced. The kind where he could feel all the blood vessels branching out and squeezing around his skull until the pressure was too much and he stumbled to the bathroom and threw up. Ah, much better.

 _"@!! &!$^$@#*@#*@$$%!&&$" (You got wrecked last night,) _Qbert's voice whispered to him, steady hand on his back.

 _" &!**@" (Golly,)_ Felix groaned, and he threw up again. He smiled weakly at his brother. _"#!#@!!#@$$@%@#@#*" (Did you carry me back?)_

Qbert laughed. _"^@**@!!*%!^!^!!*#!%@%@!$ &@$&!^@%$#@%@$!!#!$%!!$$@@@#&@$@$!%*@@^!#@!&@%@$^!$&$@%@%##!!*@@%#$@*%&#$!!&&$@!!!%&@$@@$@$!!%#%!#%!&&$" (Well, you know I would in any other given scenario, but no. I stayed here to play video games with Sam and Coily and Ralph brought you in here at around midnight.) _He stood up then and went to the closet. Felix heard the sound of rushing water from the sink before his friend kneeled next to him again with a cold cloth in his hand.

" _!*!^@@!!" (I love you,) he_  mumbled, as soon as it came into contact with his neck. _"@!!*%!^$ &@$$!&&$" (You know that, right?) _

Qbert nodded. _"!*!^@@!!$!!$ &@$@&!$@!&@^@#!%%*@$@@!$&!$!$@$!$@**@!!$&@$@!!@$@@*$!@&!#*!%&!#!!$" (I love you too. Therefore, I have complete authority to tell you that you are also a fucking idiot.)_

Felix fake-pouted. _"^ &@&!%@@#!%#&!^@%@^@$#@@%%!$@!%$!*$@#" (Why, honey bunch, I've never been more insulted.)_

_" &$!^@$%!%@#@#@@%#@#@$$@$@#!*!$@$!&!*#@!!$@*#!&!*^&!*@@!!$@@$!$" (Grow a spine, babe. And a better ability to hold your alcohol, while you're at it.)_

The two of them laughed.

~

The hangover was so terrible, of course, that Felix was forced to rest in his dorm for a few days. During which time, Calhoun, Vanellope, and especially Qbert would check in on him with either a text or a visit. However, he did not once hear from Ralph. He asked the others why this might be, to which they only shrugged and said they tried talking to him too, but instead he remained holed up in either the art studio or his and Zangief's dorm. Felix's heart sank at that. Was he upset about something?

He didn't look particularly perturbed when Felix arrived at his 11 AM Foundations of Chemistry class. Actually, he and Zangief were laughing and chatting up a storm. When Gene cleared his throat for class to begin, there was a small hint of distress, but he had a feeling it wasn't entirely aimed towards Gene. Especially when he started to look behind himself before hurriedly turning back to his packet. Felix's brows furrowed at that. _Strange._

"Good morning, class. Turn your _Core Concepts_ textbook to page 174. We'll be continuing where we left off on our organic chemistry unit and experimenting with the properties of alcohols. Hopefully, you all brought your lab equipment. Whether or not you can afford a pair of close-toed shoes is no interest to me," he said, and did he just look pointedly at Ralph? "But it is important that you have them anyway."

Felix could hear a couple snickers and see the red tint on Ralph's ears as he slipped off his sandals and put on a pair of sneakers that had, admittedly, seen better days.

"What an asshole that guy is," Vanellope whispered to Felix.

"Well, at least I know what I'm getting Ralph for next Christmas," he replied, not even bothering to tell her she was eleven and shouldn't be using such language. His friends had a bad influence on him yet.

"Your tools are filed in the drawers in front of you. Which you all know, of course, provided you can read." Again, Felix _swore_ Gene was looking at Ralph. "All the ethanol and propanal solutions are on the cart in the back of the room. One partner may grab one each of those while the other collects the sodium and sulfuric acid solutions, also one each. I will be here to supervise use of all sodium."

 Sure enough, Gene weaved in and around the lab tables like the pointed needle he was, footsteps occasionally faltering to tell somebody what it was they were doing wrong and how they had better correct their mistakes if they wanted any hope of doing well on their next exam. Both Felix and Vanellope were glad his feet stepped past their table each time.

"Got the pH noted?" Vanellope asked, and Felix nodded. 

"Yep!"

"Alrighty, then, I'm gonna light the splint. Be ready with those sodium tabs!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

And that was probably why.

Sure enough, they got ahead of most of the class and were adding the sulfuric acid to the boiling tube and recording their observations while everyone else had barely even opened their sodium tabs. Well, alright, mostly everybody. Ralph's table was the next fastest, with Zangief pouring alcohol solutions in each separate tube and Ralph adding the sodium and recording the reactions. Gene stopped next to it at one point and sniped something, causing Felix to perk up from his beaker.

"What's that?"

"Nothing," said Gene.

"Oh, it was definitely something," Felix fired back, standing from his chair. "It's always something with you and him, isn't it, Gene?"

"Felix, what-?" Gene began, though he was more surprised than demanding.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on listening to one of the smartest students in your class getting treated like a criminal. He's done nothing wrong this whole time, and yet here you are, criticizing his every move! I tell you what, this better not be about those shrubs on campus again. They look downright lovely, you hear? Every single one. Ralph's gonna continue making our school environment a warm and welcoming and creative place. And if you don't like it, well, I tell you what, we're gonna march out of this classroom right now!"

In a rush of adrenaline, Felix grabbed Ralph's hand and walked toward the door, letting Gene know with each step that he was indeed serious. It wasn't the only thing he was serious about either, he realized. Ralph _was_ smart. And kind and passionate and humble, the latter of which being why many people did not realize how wise he was, but Felix knew; had known for the past two and a half years. Each of these were qualities Felix cherished in others, but Ralph had all of them, and...he loved that. There was so much more he wanted to see every day, too, from his clumsiness to his immature jokes to his devil-may-care attitude. And Felix realized that he didn't want just anybody to have these qualities: he wanted them to belong to a seven-foot giant with thick eyebrows, big feet and hands, and messy hair, not because of how attractive he found those features but because he couldn't imagine Ralph looking like anyone else. _Didn't_ want to imagine.

The two of them were standing in the hallway now. Felix turned to his tall best friend expecting to be met with gratefulness, maybe another toothy grin of his that he loved – yes, _loved!_ Instead, for the first time since he'd known him, he was met with anger.

"Why did you do that?"

 His face paled. "I...I thought-"

"You embarrassed me in public  _again,"_ Ralph groaned. 

"What? No, I-!" But then Felix thought, really _thought_ for a minute, about just how drunk he'd been that one night. "Oh, no..."

"You said you loved me." His voice was a little softer this time, croaking with unshed tears. "I tried to get you to stop, but you kept saying it over and over again, until you screamed loud enough for the whole campus to hear."

"Well, how do you know it wasn't true?" his own voice rose.

"Because you were drunk!" Ralph was yelling again, though he was more devastated than angry. "I wouldn't have minded if you meant it, but you clearly didn't. You just had too many beers, it was all a stupid mistake." He wiped at his eyes.

Felix didn't know what to do. He wanted so badly to reach up and brush off his tears, maybe kiss them away, but he didn't want to agitate Ralph anymore than he already had. So instead, he folded his arms and demanded, "Well, when were _you_ gonna tell me you loved me?"

Ralph's eyes widened. "What - Calhoun - _she-?"_

"Yep, and quite frankly, I can't believe I had to find out from her." 

"Stop."

Felix folded his arms. "Well it's not  _my_ fault my own best friend can't talk to me about how he feels!"

"Just stop, okay? It doesn't matter. You don't even love me!" Ralph stormed off, leaving Felix's small, shocked form in the middle of the hallway.

"I - I do."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, trouble in paradise!
> 
> Stay tuned~


	21. Year Three: Drop Out?

It was only half an hour before class ended and lunch began, but to Felix, it felt like three. Funny how time could play tricks on a troubled mind.

Vanellope walked out after the bell rang and clapped his back. "Hey, what's the hap, chap? You look like you've seen one of PacMan's ghosts."

"Close enough," he chuckled hysterically. "Ralph and I just had our first ever argument."

"Aw, well it was only a matter of time," she said, waving her hand.

"What do you mean?"

"Think of it this way, Fix-It – he considers you close enough to do that."

"I don't reckon he wants to remain close after what just happened."

She scoffs. "Well gee, Drama Boy, there's no need to go all Romeo and–"

 _"Vanellope,"_ he cut her off sharply. "You don't understand. He loves me." And for once, she didn't follow up with a punchline but instead jerked her head, face slowly melting into an 'Oh shit' expression. The two of them walked down the hallway toward the cafeteria.

"Did you tell him you love him back?" she asked quietly after awhile.

Felix shook his head. "He never said it."

"Oh." She frowned and looked down at her feet, and Felix noticed the way they seemed to drag along the ground. Guilt eating at his insides, he hurriedly changed the subject.

"Sorry I didn't help you clean up our station."

She shrugged and smiled, like he hoped. "Eh, you were busy." And Felix smiled back because it felt nice in that moment, and one upset friend was definitely enough.

~

One month passed. Once again, Ralph was not speaking to him, but unlike most times, Felix knew it was all his fault. The fact there wasn't another stressful open studio art exhibition coming up confirmed it. Felix wondered what Ralph's exhibit would look like if it were. Would he inspire another wave of blueness, or would it be red with anger? Maybe he wouldn't even be the subject; maybe Ralph would go back to sculpting buildings again. Maybe, he thought with a growing sickness in his stomach, Ralph wouldn't bother entering.

"Yo, man, you're blocking the doorway," a guy's voice said, and Felix jumped.

"Jiminy jaminy, so I am! Sorry about that, partner," he chuckled, and amazing enough, the guy chuckled back. Now if only Felix could win _Ralph_ back with that never-failing Southern charm of his. He sighed and followed the guy through the doorway of the mail room, which he was walking toward to check if he got anything before he zoned out. For once, he found something peeping out of his mailbox. Brows rising in curiosity, he picked up the envelope, took out the paper, and read:

_Dear Junior,_

_You'll be happy to know the family carpentering business has been doing well since we last saw each other. However, it seems the family farming business needs some tending to. Now, why it would spontaneously snow five inches in the middle of a blazing-hot Georgia February I do not know, but it happened anyway, and most of our crops have been killed off. Your mother and I need some help getting our ranch back off the ground._

_We know how important pursuing an education is to you, and we're not asking you to abandon the idea altogether. But we are recommending that you take a break for a long while and pursue your area of interest in a community college near home when we're done. We can't afford something like this to happen again with you so far away. Besides, everyone around here misses you. Only with your bright smile and working hands can we be sure our beautiful peanut plants, peach trees, and corn stalks will grow again. We'll hire someone else if we have to, but the Good Lord knows it wouldn't be the same._

_What else can I say? The maid, butler, nanny, governess, tutor, and chef would all certainly have a good idea, along with your mother. I admit, they've spent a great deal more time with you than I have. The staff will be waiting to greet you and your mother will have baked another of her pecan pies, while I'll be locked away in my wood shop under a pile of paperwork, wishing I could have thought of more I could write in this letter._

_Just one of many reasons for you to come back, son._

_Your father,_

_Felix McBrayer Sr._

"What's going on, pint-size?" Calhoun's voice interrupted, clapping Felix's shoulder. "You look sadder than a baby chimp in an empty banana tree."

"We were just checking our mailboxes when we saw you over here," Brad explained from next to her.

"Well, I found this letter from my pop today and...I'm just feeling a little conflicted, is all," Felix chuckled, though it wasn't amusing. Calhoun took his letter out of his hand without asking and glanced it over before handing it over to Brad so he could glance it over.

"Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate," he said before giving it back to Felix.

"You can say _that_ again, brother."

"Well, what do you think you should do?" Calhoun asked, folding her arms.

"For the first time in my life," Felix told the both of them carefully, "I have no idea."

~

It wouldn't hurt entirely for Felix to drop out, right? No one in _his_ family went to college, and, well, they turned out fine. Then again, Felix had promised he would be the one McBrayer who made an honest living for himself. After all, his grandparents were lucky to stumble upon both the carpenter shop and ranch as the rich old man who was tending them both grew gravely ill. Not that his family wasn't kind, because they were – one of the most hospitable below the Mason-Dixon line. They were also dirt-poor before that happened and had no ambition or dreams of their own. Felix wanted to be the one to break the spell.

But then, they had offered for him to go to a community college nearby. Finishing his education definitely wouldn't be a problem then, since he already had most of his required credits now and could transfer them to a short months-long Master's program that would make him a Construction Engineer/Linguist force to be reckoned with. Sure, he would miss his professors and friends, but wouldn't it be more convenient for the family business?

Felix kept beating himself over the head with these thoughts, pacing throughout the dorm and ignoring Qbert's profuse begging in Qbertese to _please_ just tell him what was wrong already. Finally, having had enough, he told Qbert he was going to the library and left, also ignoring Qbert confusedly calling after him that the library was closed since Professor Clyde was using it again, didn't he know? To be honest, Felix wasn't even sure if he was really going to the library in the first place. It was like his decision-making skills shriveled over night.

He walked out the dorm and down the stairs into the cold afternoon air, a hint of white sunlight shining on some of the snow piles, though Felix couldn't bear to admire such fresh beauty. Not when it could possibly be his last time.

Just then, a small note fell out of his jeans pocket. he picked it up and recognized it as the paper that Mary Jane girl handed him when he first arrived at this university as a freshman. Smiling, he looked at the phone number with the giant heart next to it, plus her address in case he ever wanted to visit her. She sure was ambitious, that woman. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of mischief she was up to this time.

Sure enough, he saw her sitting on a bench along the sidewalk, holding something to her mouth before blowing out a perfect smoke ring. She turned her head towards Felix and brushed her long blonde hair out of her eyes.

"Hey, Pretty Boy. You want a joint?"

Any other time, Felix would have kindly refused, like the well-mannered Southern boy he is, but now was not one of those times. 

"Sure." He must've at least caught _her_ off-guard. Luckily, she was nice enough not to say anything about it. She lit one up for him and held it out for him to take and he nodded and sat down next to her. "How is your business, by the way?" he asked.

"Oh, it's _banging!_ You'd be surprised how many students call me in the middle of the night for a whole shipment of pot."

He shook his head and sighed. "No, I don't reckon I would." He puffed twice on his cigarette before blowing out greenish-yellow smoke. It was intense and skunk-smelling, yet it had a bit of _zing_ to it that he guessed a lot of people would find universally appealing.

Mary Jane frowned. "Hey, what's going on? This doesn't seem like the smiley and lively guy I keep bumping into."

Felix didn't know why he found it easier to open up to a near-stranger on a park bench in the middle of a February blizzard than his own friends, but he did. Suddenly, he was telling her all about his father's letter and struggles with Ralph. She listened the whole time without a word. Then, at the end, she asked, "How do you feel?"

"Well, right now, I suppose I feel just downright rotten."

"I meant about him," she clarified, blowing a smoke ring. He blew one next before speaking.

"I love him, Mary Jane. With all my heart." And tears sprang to his eyes as he realized it was true.

She turned to him with a yellow, stained smile. "Then you have to tell him."

"Why _me?"_ Felix groaned in frustration, to which she shrugged.

"Why _not_ you?"

She lit another cigarette while Felix allowed her words to sink in. For months on end, now, everyone from Vanellope to Qbert to Calhoun to even Brad had been encouraging him to make the first move. He used to think it was because Ralph was too scared to. While this may have been part of the truth, the real reason was that if Felix _didn't_ tell him, well, someone else would. Then neither of them would have the chance.

Mary Jane smirked. "Wanna know something funny?"

"Hm?"

"These joints are actually dollar bills I stole from my ex-lover's wallet." The two of them burst into laughter before she wiped her hair out of her eyes again. "Sure you don't wanna hook up with me? I could use a non-asshole like you."

Felix giggled. "It's a tempting offer, to be sure, but I think Ralphy would get jealous. And besides," he placed a hand on her shoulder, "you'll find somebody."

"There's the happy guy I know," she said, smile covering half her face. "Exactly the kind of guy who would never quit what he already started." And Felix knew she was directly telling him she wanted him to stay at Litwak.

"Of course, what was I thinking?" Felix groaned to himself, though he was also smiling.

"Now what are you waiting for? Go get your man."

"I will. Thank you, Mary Jane." And he meant it.

"Hey, no problem!" She waved to him as he ran off, then put the joint back in her mouth, puffing out yet another perfect smoke ring for the wind to carry away.

Meanwhile, Felix smoked his joint until it was gone and threw it out in the trash, vowing it was his last time he would ever do that again. Sure, it felt nice, even relaxing, but hardly worth the demise of his own straight, white, and minty teeth.

He was just about to walk upstairs to his dorm room so he could brush his teeth, tell Qbert and the rest of his friends he was here to stay, and take a much needed nap when he heard the sounds of sirens. These weren't police sirens, though - he could tell because the lights were flashing red instead of blue. Brows furrowing, he realized they were on campus, headed east towards...the art studio.

 _No no no,_ he thought, legs picking up speed.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, what happened?
> 
> Also I saw the third trailer for the upcoming movie today- getting hyped~! :D


	22. Year Three: Yet Another Hospital Trip

He arrived on the scene to find several students students standing outside the art studio, including some of the professors. Even  _Gene_  was there.

"Ah, well thank goodness it wasn't a fire," he chuckled to his friend Zangief.

 _"Da,"_ he replied, and Felix stopped when he noticed how shaken up he looked. How _everyone_ looked.

"What was it, then? A gas leak? I'm sure I can fix it once it calms down a little in there."

Zangief shook his head, face considerably pale. "There was an accident in the art studio," he said simply, and Felix's heart stopped when the doors of the studio opened and he realized there was a body - _Ralph's_ body - being carried on a stretcher toward the ambulance.

"Oh my good golly!" he yelped, tears springing to his eyes.

~

Cruel irony. Felix had heard about it in English Composition two years ago when Sour Bill did all those dramatic Shakespeare readings for the class. The most notable case for him was in the final scenes of  _Romeo and Juliet_ when the two lovers killed themselves thinking the other was dead when one of them was really drugged, until now. Because now was the most cruelly ironic of all; now  _he_  was the one sitting in the hospital waiting room.

His leg hadn't stopped shaking for the past four hours that next morning. Felix used to think it was wildly unrealistic for someone to love another person so much that they couldn't eat or sleep; now, he understood perfectly. He pressed his fingers against the puffy bags under his eyes and winced at his growling stomach, hoping, _wishing_ Ralph would be okay.

"Mr. Reilly, you have a visitor," he could hear the nurse saying, "should I let him in for you?"

"Yes, please," Ralph said, much to his relief. The door opened and the nurse nodded at Felix before walking out.

"Ralph!" Felix rushed into the room and sat in one of the chairs by the bedside, taking his hand. “Oh, Ralph. What am I going to do with you?”

“Hey, you’ve been bedridden more times than me,” he retorted, though his eyes were shining. Felix quickly glanced around the room. The two of them were alone. At last, he could ask the question that had been plaguing his mind.

"What happened?" he breathed.

Ralph scratched his head. "I was making a marble statue, and I never really worked with marble before, but I figured it wasn't too hard. I could just place it on a pedestal and work from there, right? Next thing I knew, I tripped, the pedestal collapsed, the thing fell on me, a large bit of it got embedded into my skin and I passed out..."

As he spoke, Felix's eyes found themselves gazing over a spot on his neck.

“Does it hurt?”

 _“God,_ yes,” Ralph’s voice faltered, and Felix could see why. The cut was at least three inches long and half as deep. If Ralph weren’t such a big guy, there was no doubt in Felix’s mind that he would be dead. 

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, wincing as he gulped down the lump in his throat.

"Naw. I mean, the nurse went out to get me some meds, but she'll be back in a few," Ralph chuckled, and Felix smiled back uneasily.

"How about some water?"

Ralph nodded. "Yeah, actually, that would be good. Thanks."

Felix's tan fingers, lightened a little by the cold weather, brushed gingerly over the red mark, which looked as though it wanted to explode past the stitches and antibiotic ointment and incur its bloody wrath all over again. He watched his friend's face as he did, seeing his dark eyes stare curiously back. He leaned forward, taking care not to squish him, tilted his head, and kissed him where the scratch was.

His fingers touched it again briefly and he started to leave when Ralph grabbed his wrist. "Do that again.” His request was more of a hoarse demand. “Please,” he added, though Felix would've obeyed even without it.

Forgetting all about the water, his lips pressed over and over again to the mark and Ralph sighed, content.

Felix chuckled against his skin. “Feels good?”

“It’s so cooling,” Ralph said. His arms wrapped around Felix until he was no longer sitting in the chair but instead kneeling next to him on the bed. And Felix's face burned as he realized he couldn't get enough, kissing up his neck and jaw and cheeks and forehead before slowly making his way back down again towards his lips.

“Hey, uh, Felix? Felix," Ralph said just as he reached the corner of his mouth, and he pulled away and looked up at him. "As romantic as this is, I don’t really want our first kiss to be in the hospital.”

He chuckled nervously and Felix nodded, holding his hand. 

“You better get some rest then,” he breathed, “because when you come back, I’m gonna be kissing you all day.”

~

"So, how was your visit?" Vanellope asked when he walked outside the building.

"Amazing," Felix sighed, and he felt his skin grow flushed as he recalled the feeling of Ralph's fingers digging into his shoulder blades, threading through his hair, tugging him closer and offering a few kisses of his own. They'd made a sport out of kissing, pointedly avoiding each other's lips, and Felix figured out that Ralph really loved to tease. He would stop occasionally, leaning close enough to make it seem like he was going to break his own rules and plant one right on his lips, then turn his head at the last moment and land it on his cheek instead, always with that same goofy grin. It drove him absolutely _insane._

Vanellope grimaced. "This isn't gonna enter PG-13 territory, is it?"

"What? No," Felix lied somewhat. "Really. It was great." And he subconsciously added a skip to his step.

"Well, I'm happy for ya," Vanellope shrugged, clapping him on the back. "You do realize, though, that he won't be getting out for a while."

"What?"

"Yeah, he texted me about it. Apparently, he has a serious case of tetanus. He'll be okay, don't get me wrong, but he needs to go to a more legit hospital outside of the campus that can treat it better."

Of course, all Felix could think about was the mysterious glint in Ralph's eyes when he said he'd be coming back soon, and his own eyes widened.

"Son of a b–!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heehee! <3


	23. Year Three: Spring Break

After barely recovering from the shock of his potty mouth and Vanellope's laughing fit that accompanied it, Felix whipped out his phone.

 _VERRRRY funny, mister,_ he typed, and Ralph wrote back:

_Heehee ;P_

_I can't believe you. That is no way to treat your prospective boyfriend._

_Oh come on you know you like it_

_I'll tell you what I like – the thought of me not kissing you the whole time I'm there next visit!_

_Well that's just not fair :(_

_Life ain't fair, sunshine._

_Aw sweetie your pet names are making me blush_

_Haha! <3_ 

Even when texting, Felix couldn't stay mad at him forever. He was so totally screwed.

~

Waiting was surprisingly not hard. Before Felix knew it, a month had gone by. He had his exam-heavy courses to thank for that. American Sign Language and Foundations of Chemistry, especially, could be taxing at times. Felix was sure Gene began consciously assigning him more homework than everyone else in the class since the day he stood up to him. Not that he minded – he was one of the smartest students in class, after all. And as much as Felix wished to not have a mean bone in his body, he had to admit, it gave him a small sense of satisfaction to finish early and go around tutoring some of the struggling students while Gene's mustached face fell lower and lower to the ground.

It wasn't just schoolwork, either. The dance instructor, Ms. Harris, had decided to put on a concert at the last minute, which the students spent hours practicing for until the big event at the town theater. The show was a crowd-pleaser, with both President Litwak and Vice-President Engels commissioning another one next year with Felix as the lead. Golly, he had to spend a long time washing his face with cold water to get the honey glow out of his cheeks after _that._

Qbert had been a great help searching for somebody else who was qualified to whip the McBrayer family ranch back into shape. If Felix had known he was this well-connected, he would have hired him as a business agent a long time ago. While his Japanese (and Qbertese) skills were excellent, however, he still struggled with English, so Felix would spend afternoons teaching him by taking him to a movie or the inside of a bakery, since the best way to learn was by practicing. He was starting to make some steady progress.

Vanellope always kept him up to date with the latest bake sales the Culinary Club wanted to host, pictures that needed to be taken for Yearbook, preparations for a Student Government debate, and race she and her friends needed their karts to get fixed for. She was a busy girl to be sure, Felix had chuckled to himself. He wouldn't be surprised if she became president of the school when Litwak retired...or president of the world. 

Mary Jane got _engaged,_ bless her heart, and Felix was the only guy invited to go dress-shopping with her among several of her various girlfriends. When asked about this, she said, "Um, duh. Non-straight male with a preppy aesthetic and blonde highlights in his hair. Total fashion advisor." And Felix shook his head and smiled. He did believe he found the best one for her, though: sleeveless satin with a v-neck trimmed with flowery lace, slim-fitting with a skirt that flared out at the bottom. Not too trashy, not too Hollywood. Something that would make her future husband look at her and go, _"Wow."_ He looked forward to the wedding next year!

Oh, and don't forget the time he and his large group of friends spent planning out their spring break after school.

"Yeah, Zel has tons of beach volleyball stuff in the garage at her place. Just remind me and I'll drive my truck over to pick it up sometime," said Link.

"Ha! You just want another free milkshake," Zelda laughed, wrapping an arm around him. "My dad owns a fast food milkshake chain, and he knows _this guy_ happens to have a sweet tooth for them," she explained to Felix.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Your dad gives me free shakes because we're pals," Link teased back, though Felix could have sworn he saw his mouth watering. 

"I've got ultimate frisbee equipment and some Treasure Island traffic cones in case we wanted to play some faster games," Sonic piped up, and the four of them laughed. Classic Sonic.

"That sounds great, y'all!" Felix clapped his hands together. "I'm gonna go talk to Mario about refreshments and meet up with Peach again about paying off the rent at our hotel. You keep brainstorming!"

"Will do, Felix!" the three of them chorused after him. He walked out the doors of the sports center and towards the student center, where he knew Mario would be either engaging some poor unsuspecting student in a competitive game of foosball or arriving fashionably late, per the norm. He was just about to scan his student ID card when he heard two familiar voices arguing by the sidewalk benches.

"...Telling me you _want_ to be surrounded by bugs? You must be crazier than a road lizard!"

"But think of all the major scientific discoveries it would bring!"

"'Major scientific discoveries' my behind. The only thing left to discover about that climate is how much more insect-related diseases it can possibly give you!"

"Felix! Thank God you're here," Brad breathed, clapping him on the arm. "Could you please tell Tamora why it would be a much better idea to go to the Amazon rainforest for spring vacation instead of some boring old beach?"

"You mean why the beach is better than going to a smelly and bug-filled jungle," Calhoun pointed out adamantly.

Felix scratched his neck. "Well, gee, Brad, I don't reckon I know. We _are_ all planning on going to the beach." He reached out and patted his arm. "I just wouldn't want you to feel left out."

To which Calhoun smirked. "See? He's on my side."

"Hold on, now, I never said that, either," said Felix, shaking his head. "It's really up to you two to find out where you want to go for spring break. Nobody's forcing you to do anything."

Calhoun sighed. "Well, Fix-It, we've been arguing about it for hours, and my answer remains unchanged: I want to go to the beach." She growled that last part in Brad's direction, and his eyes narrowed as he growled back,

"And _I_ want to go to the jungle."

"Beach!"

"Jungle!"

They stood pitted against each other and bracing their arms, and for a moment, Felix was afraid he might bear witness to a major wrestling match. 

"You could just go to the desert, you know!" Vanellope groaned out of nowhere, and both Brad and Calhoun looked up just then and turned to each other with wide eyes.

"Incredibly diverse wildlife," said Brad.

"Hot sand and sunshine," said Calhoun.

"Endless skies for romantic picnicking."

"No mosquitoes, no humidity."

"And rock-climbing! _Yes!"_ they both cried, lunging for Vanellope with their arms open. She flailed her limbs as Felix laughed at the scene.

"Woah, hey, lemme go! I don't wanna be the filling in your Mush Sandwich!"

~

Kings Beach was nice. It didn't have the white sands of Waikiki or the vibrant atmosphere of Rio de Janeiro, but the whole week promised sunshine and cloudless skies, so how bad could it be? Turns out, according to a recent consensus among all the college students who had gathered to party there, not bad at all.

Every day was an early morning walk by the shore, a dance party to the latest hits, a sweet-smelling barbecue in the hotel backyard. And the more he thought about it, the more Felix realized there was no other place he would rather go every end of March from now on than here. 

"Watch out, Fix-It!" Vanellope called, splashing him in the face with a water gun. She and Peach laughed as the taller of the two carried her on her shoulders through the crashing waves.

"That's it, you gals are going _down,"_  Felix laughed, wiping his face. _"! &!#@$$" (Oh, Qbert!)_ he called to his trusty steed. 

A pair of hands emerged from beneath the water and fastened themselves around Felix's ankles, hoisting him onto a pair of freckled shoulders. "^@@@&@@#!&@!!" _(Way ahead of you,)_  said the redhead, and the two charged after them.Peach didn't look threatened in the least. She just stood there in the water, posing for no one in her pale pink bikini. 

"Aw, look, you're both so tiny and adorable," she giggled.

 _"$!%@#!$$ &$@@$@%!%&" (Tiny but threatening!)_ Qbert corrected, and Felix grinned with a full set of teeth to match the description. 

 _"*!$$@!!*!$@$$$$@@%# &@$!$"  (Just you losers try and get us,) _Vanellope taunted, and Felix used the opportunity to point his water gun at her own face with a well-aimed _splash!_ "Gahhh!" She waved her hands and Felix and Qbert laughed, ducking out of the way while she and Peach filled their own. A few more minutes of this went on until the four of them were laughing breathlessly. 

"Alright, alright, tag me out," said Felix, flipping off Qbert's shoulders and re-emerging out of the water. 

"Aw, no fair!" Vanellope pouted. "You're just leaving because you don't wanna lose your winning streak."

"What? Heavens no," Felix laughed, shaking his head. "Come on, _somebody_ has to check on the hamburgers and hot dogs."

"They're _fine,_ just leave them on the grill-thingy until they're all brown, and shit."

Felix rolled his eyes playfully. "That's not how that works." He started to walk away when he remembered something. "And...watch your language."

"You're not my _dad,"_ Vanellope called after him as he laughed and turned back around. He couldn't help it. She sounded exactly like Ralph did when they were doing that cooking project together last year. Now he could see why the two of them were friends. 

The burgers and dogs were perfect. He whistled, flipping them onto the other side and watching them sizzle in satisfaction. He was just adding a bit more lighter fluid to give them that bit of char he knew everyone loved when two massive hands covered his eyes. "Guess who?"

"Who else but my friend Zangief?" Felix laughed, and the two of them tittered to each other in Russian. "So, what brings you around these here parts? I thought you and the rest of the pro wrestling team were getting ready for next season."

"We were, yes, but Coach bailed last minute to take his own family on vacation. Then I heard the junior class was going to be partying here all week and I said, 'Say no more!' and packed my bags." He gave out a mighty laugh. "Also, I'm here to tell you that you have a visitor."

He gestured beyond the backyard to where a green bus stopped near a sign and opened its doors. Zangief left with a knowing smile just as Felix's own jaw dropped. Out he walked, wielding a small bag in one hand and slinging a towel over his shoulder in the other, sporting a pair of tortoiseshell sunglasses, orange swim trunks, and a beard that grew out nicely. 

"Oh my God," he breathed, and he dropped his spatula and ran over, throwing his arms around him. "You look _great!"_

"It's good to be back," Ralph chuckled, ruffling his hair.

"But how? You were pierced so badly I thought you'd be in the hospital for _months."_

"Naw, turns out tetanus was a non-existent case." He waved it off. "The doctors forgot I was a big boy, so I only had shock and a mild infection. I did have to get some muscles patched up, but I just slept, ate lots of dark green vegetables, and I was fine."

Felix tutted. "How could they worry you like that? This wouldn't have happened if I were a doctor."

"Worried? I wasn't worried. I was counting down the days till I would get to see you."

Felix felt his face grow warm as he looked up into his friend's eyes, dark and honest as ever. "Well, here I am," he chuckled nervously. 

In that next instant, Ralph scooped him up in one arm, dropping his small bag in the lawn and rushing towards the beach. Felix laughed, feeling the wind hitting his face and finally flying past it as Ralph cannonballed into the water, submerging them both. When they rose to the surface, they were kissing. Neither knew who started it, but Ralph had his arms around Felix's waist and Felix had his arms around Ralph's neck, and neither seemed willing to stop. Finally, after one more taste of saltwater and cherries, Felix pulled back.

"I love you," he whispered. "And this is me, not drunk, saying it."

"I know."

Felix looked up in amusement. "You know?"

"Well, yeah," Ralph grinned toothily back. "Would you have waited as long as you did at the hospital if you didn't?"

"Even then, it would be worth it," Felix breathed. "You are one _dynamite_ kisser."

Ralph reached down and gently brushed some hair out of his face. "Would it be too obvious if I said 'I love you too'?" 

"A little," he laughed, "But it wouldn't make it any less sweet." He jumped up and they locked lips again, spinning around in the water, dizzy in more ways than one. That is, until they were hit with a spray of water and sent toppling backwards.

"Well, it's about time!" Vanellope heckled them, brandishing her water gun. "I thought you idiots would hook up in, like, your late fifties!"

Ralph turned to Felix and arched an eyebrow. "Mush Sandwich?"

"Mush Sandwich," Felix agreed. They both edged slowly towards Vanellope.

"Oh no, I know that look. You guys are up to no good - hey! Get away from me!" The three of them laughed and she splashed them with water as they chased her around the beach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanellope, you love your gross disgusting friends, just admit it. XD


End file.
